Hudibras - Samuel Butler (story reading txt) š
- Author: Samuel Butler
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A Saxon duke did grow so fat,84
That mice (as histories relate)
Eat grots and labyrinths to dwell in
His postic parts without his feeling:
Then how isāt possible a kick
Should eāer reach that way to the quick?
Quoth she, I grant it is in vain.
For one thatās basted to feel pain,
Because the pangs his bones endure
Contribute nothing to the cure:
Yet honor hurt is wont to rage
With pain no medācine can assuage.
Quoth he, That honourās very squeamish
That takes a basting for a blemish;
For whatās more honārable than scars,
Or skin to tatters rent in wars?
Some have been beaten till they know
What wood a cudgelās of by thā blow;
Some kickād until they can feel whether
A shoe be Spanish or neatās leather;
And yet have met, after long running,
With some whom they have taught that cunning.
The furthest way about tā oāercome,
In the end does prove the nearest home.
By laws of learned duellists,
They that are bruisād with wood or fists,
And think one beating may for once
Suffice, are cowards and pultroons:
But if they dare engage tā a second,
Theyāre stout and gallant fellows reckonād.
Thā old Romans freedom did bestow,
Our princes worship, with a blow.
King Pyrrhus85 curād his splenetic
And testy courtiers with a kick.
The Negus, when some mighty lord
Or potentateās to be restorād,
And pardonād for some great offence,
With which heās willing to dispense,
First has him laid upon his belly,
Then beaten back and side to a jelly;
That done, he rises, humbly bows,
And gives thanks for the princely blows;
Departs not meanly proud, and boasting
Of this magnificent rib-roasting.
The beaten soldier proves most manful,
That, like his sword, endures the anvil,
And justlyās held more formidable,
The more his valourās malleable:
But he that fears a bastinado
Will run away from his own shadow:
And though Iām now in durance fast,
By our own party basely cast,
Ransom, exchange, parole refusād,
And worse than by the enāmy usād:
In close catasta shut,86 past hope
Of wit or valour to elope;
As beards the nearer that they tend
To thā earth still grow more reverend,
And cannons shoot the higher pitches,
The lower we let down their breeches;
Iāll make this low dejected fate
Advance me to a greater height.
Quoth she, Yā have almost made me in love
With that which did my pity move.
Great wits and valours, like great states,
Do sometimes sink with their own weights:
Thā extremes of glory and of shame,
Like east and west, become the same:
No Indian prince has to his palace
More follāwers than a thief to thā gallows.
But if a beating seem so brave,
What glories must a whipping have
Such great achievements cannot fail
To cast salt on a womanās tail:
For if I thought your natāral talent
Of passive courage were so gallant,
As you strain hard to have it thought,
I could grow amorous, and dote.
When Hudibras this language heard,
He prickād upās ears and strokād his beard;
Thought he, this is the lucky hour;
Wines work when vines are in the flowār.
This crisis then Iāll set my rest on,
And put her boldly to the question.
Madam, what you would seem to doubt,
Shall be to all the world made out,
How Iāve been drubbād, and with what spirit
And magnanimity I bear it;
And if you doubt it to be true,
Iāll stake myself down against you:
And if I fail in love or troth,
Be you the winner, and take both.
Quoth she, Iāve beard old cunning stagers
Say, fools for arguments use wagers;
And though I praisād your valour, yet
I did not mean to baulk your wit;
Which, if you have, you must needs know
What I have told you before now,
And you bā experiment have provād,
I cannot love where Iām belovād.
Quoth Hudibras, ātis a caprich
Beyond thā infliction of a witch;
So cheats to play with those still aim
That do not understand the game.
Love in your heart as icily burns
As fire in antique Roman urns,
To warm the dead, and vainly light
Those only that see nothing byāt.
Have you not power to entertain,
And render love for love again;
As no man can draw in his breath
At once, and force out air beneath?
Or do you love yourself so much,
To bear all rivals else a grutch?
What fate can lay a greater curse
Than you upon yourself would force?
For wedlock without love, some say,
Is but a lock without a key.
It is a kind of rape to marry
One that neglects, or cares not for ye:
For what does make it ravishment,
But bāing against the mindās consent?
A rape that is the more inhuman
For being acted by a woman.
Why are you fair, but to entice us
To love you, that you may despise us?
But though you cannot love, you say,
Out of your own fanatic way,
Why should you not at least allow
Those that love you to do so too?
For, as you fly me, and pursue
Love more averse, so I do you;
And am by your own doctrine taught
To practise what you call a fauāt.
Quoth she, If what you say is true,
You must fly me as I do you;
But ātis not what we do, but say,
In love and preaching, that must sway.
Quoth he, To bid me not to love,
Is to forbid my pulse to move,
My beard to grow, my ears to prick up,
Or (when Iām in a fit) to hiccup:
Command me to piss out the moon,
And ātwill as easily be done:
Loveās powerās too great to be withstood
By feeble human flesh and blood.
āTwas he that brought upon his knees
The hectāring, kill-cow Hercules;
Transformād his leager-lionās skin
Tā a petticoat, and made him spin;
Seizād on his club, and made it dwindle
Tā a feeble distaff and a spindle.
āTwas he that made empārors gallants
To their own sisters and their aunts;
Set popes and cardinals agog,
To play with pages at leap-frog.
āTwas he that gave our senate purges,
And fluxād the house of many a burgess;
Made those that represent the nation
Submit, and suffer amputation;
And all the grandees oā the cabal
Adjourn to tubs at spring and fall.
He mounted synod-men, and rode āem
To Dirty-Lane and little Sodom;
Made āem curvet like Spanish jenets,
And take the ring at Madam āø»87
āTwas he that made Saint Francis do88
More than the Devil could tempt him to,
In cold and frosty weather grow
Enamourād of a wife of snow;
And though she were of rigid temper,
With melting flames accost and tempt her;
Which after in enjoyment quenching,
He
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