Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men by Wonderly, Morgan (best e ink reader for manga .txt) 📗

a subject that most men are comfortable discussing. I wish there was more I could do to help women realize this, but it’s not an easy thing to bring up in anything but a fairly intimate setting. I feel very vulnerable talking about it. I think most men need affection but few would openly admit it, for fear of appearing needy or weak.”

– Paul, Quebec, Canada

Men Need Us to Enjoy Their Humor

Men need women to be receptive to their humor in a positive, lighthearted way. Doing so allows them to freely express the fun-loving, humorous side of their masculinity. When we admire them for their engaging wit, they feel rewarded for their efforts to entertain and amuse us.

A man treasures the experience of sharing the fun-loving, humorous side of himself with the special woman in his life. There’s a special quality of admiration in her playful response that he cannot experience with anyone else. This kind of admiration may sound frivolous and unimportant, but nothing could be further from the truth. Making a woman laugh is, in fact, a key source of how a man rests and recharges away from pursuing his primary mission or job.

“For a man, hearing a woman laugh is like the murmur of a bubbling fountain—deeply refreshing for his psyche.”

–Rob

When a woman is lighthearted and receptive to a man’s admittedly mischievous humor and fun-loving expressions, he can relax around her and get his basic needs met, which brings more intimacy and authenticity to the relationship.

Men Need a Confidante

A man may be a lone wolf, but he still needs to be intimately understood by at least one person in the world, sharing his deepest feelings and emotions with that person. He longs for a confidante with whom he can share his hopes, ambitions, and fears without risk of ridicule or judgment.

A man wants to share his feelings with us, especially the feelings he can’t share with anyone else. We become the only one who understands him completely and can offer comfort, empathy, and support.

But as a man’s only confidante we are expected to keep his confidences. He needs us to be a safe harbor for him by guarding his secrets. It’s crucial to him we don’t share his thoughts and feelings with anyone else, for doing so exposes him to potential ridicule from others. If he suspects we are gossiping with our girlfriends about his innermost secrets, he will feel betrayed and will stop sharing his confidences with us.

Men Need Admiration

By this point in the chapter you will have figured out what men need most from us. To use an analogy, all the needs I’ve mentioned so far are spokes connected to one hub—and that hub is admiration! Since most men struggle in a world that doesn’t admire them, they look to their female partner to meet this need.

So, just as women need adoration, men need admiration. When a woman admires a man, it is much easier for him to adore her. When we admire him, we give him a precious gift, the gift of feeling masculine. If a woman can’t admire the man she’s with, she’s with the wrong man.

Here are some attributes for which men wish to be admired:

Good character, physical strength, protection, dependability, honesty, honor, trustworthiness, courage, good provider, intellect, good lover, respectful of women, chivalry, knowledge, loyalty, integrity, and competence.

Ways to Show Admiration for Your Man:

Speaking words of affirmation and appreciation.

Telling others how much you admire him.

Giving him a heartfelt smile that lets him know you love him.

Being affectionate or cuddling.

Responding to him sexually, and, on occasion, approaching him.

Allowing him uninterrupted alone time.

Asking for his opinion—and then taking his advice.

Making yourself attractive and feminine for him.

Wearing a dress he loves on you when you go out together.

Letting him do tasks without correcting him, criticizing him, or making him feel uncomfortable.

Allowing him to be your hero by helping you with a problem.

Telling him you’re proud of him.

Trusting him.

Listening to him without interrupting.

Keeping his secrets.

If Aphrodite were to tell us only one secret about men, this would be it: Of all the things men need from us, admiration matters most. They need admiration more than they need love and … drum roll… even more than they need sex! By applying this crucial piece of knowledge, you will be amazed at how quickly it can enhance your love life with men.

Here is the main point you need to remember from this chapter:

“You admire him—he adores you.”

Recap

Men need to feel masculine.

Men need to feel needed so that they can be our heroes.

Being trusted is more important to men than being loved.

Men need to feel appreciated for all they do for women and for society.

Men need alone time to recharge.

Men need to win with us; we can make it easier for them by giving them detailed lists of what we want.

Men need to know their role so that they can focus and accomplish those things.

Men need our affection. Receiving affection is one way men feel admired.

Men need to confide in us and know we will guard their secrets.

Men need to feel admired by us for their masculine attributes.

Explorations and Journaling

Practice acknowledging a man for his masculine traits: physical strength, logic, bravery, and decisiveness. Observe how he responds and write it down.

Make a detailed and concrete “honey-do” list that tells your man what you need. Avoid making it too long or laborious. And when he’s finished, don’t add more.

What do you trust your man the most for? The least?

Do you allow your man alone time, or do you often interrupt him? If so, how does he respond?

Do you have set roles or unspoken assumptions in your relationship? Write out who does what. How is it working?

Do you regularly show your man affection in addition to sex? If so, in what ways?

Does your man confide in you? If so, do you keep his secrets? Journal about things you gossip to your girlfriends about and why.

Do you admire your man? Have you expressed