Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - Anita Loos (reading well .TXT) 📗

because his mother does not think that all of the flappers we seem to have nowadays are what a young man ought to marry when a young man is full of so many morals as Mr. Spoffard seems to be full of. So I told Mr. Spoffard that I really felt just like his mother feels about all of the flappers because I am an old fashioned girl.

So then I got to worrying about Dorothy quite a lot because Dorothy is really not so old-fashioned and she might say something in front of Mr. Spoffard that might make Mr. Spoffard wonder what such an old-fashioned girl as I was doing with such a girl as Dorothy. So I told him how I was having quite a hard time reforming Dorothy and I would like to have him meet Dorothy so he could tell me if he really thinks I am wasting quite a lot of time trying to reform a girl like Dorothy. So then he had to go to his mother. So I really hope that Dorothy will act more reformed than she usually acts in front of Mr. Spoffard.

Well Mr. Spoffard just left our compartment so he really came to pay a call on us after all. So Mr. Spoffard told us all about his mother and I was really very very intreeged because if Mr. Spoffard and I become friendly he is the kind of a gentleman that always wants a girl to meet his mother. I mean if a girl gets to know what kind of a mother a gentlemans mother is like, she really knows more what kind of a conversation to use on a gentleman’s mother when she meets her. Because a girl like I is really always on the verge of meeting gentlemen’s mothers. But such an unrefined girl as Dorothy is really not the kind of a girl that ever meets gentlemens mothers.

So Mr. Spoffard says his mother has to have him take care of her quite a lot. Because Mr. Spoffards mothers brains have never really been so strong. Because it seems his mother came from such a very fine old family that even when she was quite a small size child she had to be sent to a school that was a special school for people of very fine old familys who had to have things very easy on their brain. So she still has to have things very easy on her brain, so she has a girl who is called her companion who goes with her everywhere who is called Miss Chapman. Because Mr. Spoffard says that there is always something new going on in the world which they did not get a chance to tell her about at the school. So now Miss Chapman keeps telling her instead. Because how would she know what to think about such a new thing as a radio, for instance, if she did not have Miss Chapman to tell her what it was, for instance. So Dorothy spoke up and Dorothy said, “What a responsibility that girl has got on her shoulders. For instance, what if Miss Chapman told her a radio was something to build a fire in, and she would get cold some day and stuff it full of papers and light it.” But Mr. Spoffard told Dorothy that Miss Chapman would never make such a mistake. Because he said that Miss Chapman came from a very very fine old family herself and she really had a fine brain. So Dorothy said, “If she really has got such a fine brain I bet her fine old family once had an ice man who could not be trusted.” So Mr. Spoffard and I did not pay any more attention to Dorothy because Dorothy really does not know how to hold a conversation.

So then I and Mr. Spoffard held a conversation all about morals and Mr. Spoffard says he really thinks the future of everything is between the hands of Mr. Blank the district attorney who is the famous district attorney who is closing up all the places in New York where they sell all of the liquor. So Mr. Spoffard said that a few months ago, when Mr. Blank decided he would try to get the job to be the district attorney, he put 1,000 dollars worth of liquor down his sink. So now Mr. Blank says that everybody else has got to put it down their sink. So Dorothy spoke up, and Dorothy said, “If he poured 1,000 dollars worth down his sink to get himself one million dollars worth of publicity and a good job⁠—when we pour it down our sink, what do we get?” But Mr. Spoffard is to brainy a gentleman to answer any such a foolish question. So he gave Dorothy a look that was full of dignity and he said he would have to go back to his Mother. So I was really quite angry at Dorothy. So I followed Mr. Spoffard down the hall of the railway train and I asked Mr. Spoffard if he thought I was wasting quite a lot of time reforming a girl like Dorothy. So Mr. Spoffard thinks I am, because he really thinks a girl like Dorothy will never have any reverance. So I told Mr. Spoffard I had wasted so much time on Dorothy it would really break my heart to be a failure. So then I had tears in my eyes. So Mr. Spoffard is really very very sympathetic because when he saw that I did not have any handkerchief, he took his own handkerchief and he dried up all of my tears. So then he said he would help me with Dorothy quite a lot and get her mind to running on things that are more educational.

So then he said he thought that we ought to get off the train at a place called Munich because it was very full of art, which they call kunst in Munich, which is very, very educational. So he said he and Dorothy and I would get off of the train in