Club You to Death by Anuja Chauhan (pdf e book reader .TXT) 📗

‘D’you really think they were having an affair, auntie?’ he asks, fixing his brown eyes entreatingly on Cookie.

She responds to this direct appeal at once. ‘See, all of us have – had – a bit of a crush on Leo. We giggle and talk about him, and of course all our pot-bellied husbands get jealous. It’s all quite harmless. Urvashi doesn’t giggle though. She’s not the type – too dignified. But the thing is, she really enjoys the Zumba. Initially, she was just like any one of us – shy, you know, and self-conscious of all those Latino moves and Hispanic thrusts, and the way Leo would keep urging us to

“throw a little hip into it!” But then … maybe because she’d been doing yoga at home for years and is naturally flexible … she started moving differently … all Spanish and sexy … She even began talking about becoming an instructor herself!’

‘She started standing front and centre, too,’ Roshni recalls. ‘We used to all be really shy about standing in the middle of the front row. We would all hang back, and Leo would make fun of us for acting like backbencher schoolgirls, but then Urvi just started walking in and taking that place like it was reserved for her by right! And then Leo started praising her, and picking her every time he wanted to demonstrate a move with a partner … Then she got all these new gym clothes … and then he started asking her to stay back and help him fine-tune his yoga asanas because he wanted to be more flexible like her and then—’

‘Have you seen English Vinglish?’ Cookie interjects.

Bhavani Singh blinks at this random change in topic. ‘Yes.’

Cookie beams. ‘So it was like that only. The dancing unlocked something in her personality! She got this glow.’

‘Please!’ Roshni’s bony face acquires a knowing expression. ‘That glow was not just from dancing, Cooks.’

They both giggle.

But Bhavani Singh is not amused. A glow won’t stand up in court, he gloomily. What he needs is proof of an affair and there seems to be none forthcoming. Then he remembers Leo’s phone. Hopefully, there will be something in there … pictures, messages … With a sudden start he realizes Cookie is speaking to Kashi.

‘See, if Leo and Urvashi were having an affair while that wet fish Mukki was balancing the account books of his stupid rich clients then it was really not anybody’s business except Urvashi and Leo’s, and perhaps Mukki’s. But with the Club election coming along, it suddenly became everybody’s business.’

‘Why does Urvashi Khurana want to be Club president?’ Bhavani asks abruptly.

This stumps the two ladies slightly.

‘Uh, what?’

‘Matlab, from what you’ve described, she’s a busy, successful businesswoman, doing yoga and Zumba – and having an affair. Where does she have the time to stand for an election as well?’

Cookie’s pudgy brow furrows. ‘That’s true …’

Bhavani smiles genially. ‘So then?’

‘You know, ACP, I think that she’s a woman who likes a challenge,’ Cookie says finally. ‘Initially it was all about getting back into shape after her children were born, then it was about balancing work and home … Now that her girls are grown, and Chrysanthemum is all settled, she’s restless again … And the DTC has never had a woman president before!’

‘You’d never have asked that question if she were a man, officer,’ Roshni says severely. ‘You’d have just assumed that it’s perfectly natural for a man to want to add another feather in his cap. But a woman’s ambitions must always be questioned! You’re being sexist!’

Genuinely abashed, Bhavani asks for forgiveness.

‘So, what plans does Urvashi auntie have for the Club?’ asks Kashi.

‘A much bigger rainwater harvesting plant, for one!’ Roshni says. ‘That’s why Mehra’s so wild at her. She wants to put it where the kitchen garden is. Which is dedicated to his wife’s memory.’

Kashi raises his eyebrows. ‘That sounds insensitive.’

Roshni bristles. ‘Not at all! She got it surveyed by the rainwater harvesting people and they said it’s got the best catchment area. And she says they can replant the garden over it once they’re done. But he’s so gussa about it!’

‘Men have so much ego.’ Cookie sighs.

Bhavani attempts to re-enter the conversation.

‘Could you tell us something about Leo, also? What did you ladies talk to him about?’

There is the oddest little pause. The two women, so loquacious thus far, seem to have utterly dried up.

Kashi looks from one to the other.

‘Err … Cookie auntie? Roshni auntie?’

Slightly pink-cheeked and not quite meeting his eyes, Cookie says, ‘We didn’t talk to him too much, actually.’

Kashi’s eyebrows rise. ‘But why?’

‘Oho, you won’t understand, beta!’ Roshni says. ‘We said hello and goodbye and thank you and all that. And of course, if we did something wrong, he corrected us – but we didn’t chit-chat.’

‘It gets complicated if you chit-chat,’ Cookie explains. ‘People start taking advantage.’

‘Ya, see, it’s always awkward with these in-between types,’ Roshni chimes in. ‘People who are not quite your social equal, but higher than drivers or maids or the other trainers in the gym! Because such people are actually quite narrow-minded beneath their thin veneer of sophistication! If we talked too nicely he might have thought we were infatuated with him!’

‘Which we were!’ Cookie gurgles.

‘But not really!’ Roshni clarifies. ‘We just liked looking at him!’

‘Baith mere paas tujhe dekhti rahoon,’ Cookie hums. ‘Tu na kuch kahe aur mein na kuch kahoon.’

Bhavani notices that Kashi is having a hard time dealing with all this casual objectification, and interjects smoothly.

‘Can you tell us little-bit about his phone? We understand you picked it up and opened it?’

Roshni nods. ‘I did it sort of automatically – I do it with my son’s phone also sometimes, when his alarm is ringing and he is sleeping through it. Just grab his finger and press it to the phone to open it. I thought that would be the fastest way to inform his family.’

‘That was good thinking on your part, madam,’ Bhavani says. ‘And you were lucky. That