The Golden Bowl - Henry James (top fiction books of all time .TXT) š
- Author: Henry James
Book online Ā«The Golden Bowl - Henry James (top fiction books of all time .TXT) šĀ». Author Henry James
āI donāt care what you make of it, and I donāt ask anything whatever of youā āanything but this. I want to have said itā āthatās all; I want not to have failed to say it. To see you once and be with you, to be as we are now and as we used to be, for one small hourā āor say for twoā āthatās what I have had for weeks in my head. I mean, of course, to get it beforeā ābefore what youāre going to do. So, all the while, you see,ā she went on with her eyes on him, āit was a question for me if I should be able to manage it in time. If I couldnāt have come now I probably shouldnāt have come at allā āperhaps even ever. Now that Iām here I shall stay, but there were moments, over there, when I despaired. It wasnāt easyā āthere were reasons; but it was either this or nothing. So I didnāt struggle, you see, in vain. Afterā āoh, I didnāt want that! I donāt mean,ā she smiled, āthat it wouldnāt have been delightful to see you even thenā āto see you at any time; but I would never have come for it. This is different. This is what I wanted. This is what Iāve got. This is what I shall always have. This is what I should have missed, of course,ā she pursued, āif you had chosen to make me miss it. If you had thought me horrid, had refused to come, I should, naturally, have been immensely āsold.ā I had to take the risk. Well, youāre all I could have hoped. Thatās what I was to have said. I didnāt want simply to get my time with you, but I wanted you to know. I wanted youāā āshe kept it up, slowly, softly, with a small tremor of voice, but without the least failure of sense or sequenceā āāI wanted you to understand. I wanted you, that is, to hear. I donāt care, I think, whether you understand or not. If I ask nothing of you I donātā āI maynātā āask even so much as that. What you may think of meā āthat doesnāt in the least matter. What I want is that it shall always be with youā āso that youāll never be able quite to get rid of itā āthat I did. I wonāt say that you didā āyou may make as little of that as you like. But that I was here with you where we are and as we areā āI just saying this. Giving myself, in other words, awayā āand perfectly willing to do it for nothing. Thatās all.ā
She paused as if her demonstration was completeā āyet, for the moment, without moving; as if in fact to give it a few minutes to sink in; into the listening air, into the watching space, into the conscious hospitality of nature, so far as nature was, all Londonised, all vulgarised, with them there; or even, for that matter, into her own open ears, rather than into the attention of her passive and prudent friend. His attention had done all that attention could do; his handsome, slightly anxious, yet still more definitely āamusedā face sufficiently played its part. He clutched, however, at what he could best clutch atā āthe fact that she let him off, definitely let him off. She let him off, it seemed, even from so much as answering; so that while he smiled back at her in return for her information he felt his lips remain closed to the successive vaguenesses of rejoinder, of objection, that rose for him from within. Charlotte herself spoke again at lastā āāYou may want to know what I get by it. But thatās my own affair.ā He really didnāt want to know even thisā āor continued, for the safest plan, quite to behave as if he didnāt; which prolonged the mere dumbness of diversion in which he had taken refuge. He was glad when, finallyā āthe point she had wished to make seeming established to her satisfactionā āthey brought to what might pass for a close the moment of his life at which he had had least to say. Movement and progress, after this, with more impersonal talk, were naturally a relief; so that he was not again, during their excursion, at a loss for the right word. The air had been, as it were, cleared; they had their errand itself to discuss, and the opportunities of London, the sense of the wonderful place, the pleasures of prowling there, the question of shops, of possibilities, of particular objects, noticed by each in previous prowls. Each professed surprise at the extent of the otherās knowledge; the Prince in especial wondered at his friendās possession of her London. He had rather prized his own possession, the guidance he could really often give a cabman; it was a
Comments (0)