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“You’re crushin his chest!” Kev’s head twisted round and his minty breath blew into my face. His eyes ate into me, laughing at me, his eyes laughing first, then his lips. But he said nothing.

“Call for backup!” Sanders shouted. “Shh. Hush. It’s okay, Paul. It’s okay.” Liz stood up and took off waddling as fast as I had seen her move, when just then Jean came running in the other direction, with a needle in her hand.

“Where were you?! Sanders snapped. “No! Do Larry first!”

Jean came over. She flipped off the cap of the needle and pulled up Larry’s sleeve on the arm Dale held. With a sudden jab she landed on a bright blue vein and she pushed her thumb down on the trigger. I watched as the anger in him ebbed away,

Thwack!

Dale stood up, tottering. Crimson blood poured from a deep gash in his head. One of the canteen trays lay at his feet. In a flash his apathy vanished, and he spun around and grabbed the man who threw it, close-lined him around the throat like a wrestler, and dragged him down the corridor kicking and screaming.

Jean only pushed half the solution into Larry’s arm, it was all that was needed and he lay there on the ground, his pupils on the ceiling, dilating, and she stood up and went to the other man. His screams hummed in the air along with others. Four men sprinted into the room.

Sanders relief was obvious. “BREAKFAST IS OVER.” she shouted. “EVERYONE BACK TO THEIR ROOMS.”

The men herded us quickly together, pushing and shoving us out of the common room and down the hall. I felt hands on my back and was propelled forward with the crowd- patients in front, the burly shepherds balling out behind us. Before my room, I caught the terrified face of the woman next door, Claire. She was doubled up in her bed and holding her stomach.

The commotion faded out. I have no idea how long later it was, but the ward went silent. And the silence reigned for hours. Until wheels screeched along the floor. A voice called several names, then mine. There was a knock on the door.

“Come in.” I shouted.

I got up from my bed and walked over. As the door opened Jean was standing there, two burly emergency staff members behind her.

“Here you go, Aisha. You going to take these today?” she handed me the blue pills.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Sorry, about yesterday.”

“That’s okay.”

I popped the pills in my mouth.

“Okay. Let’s see.”

I opened wide and tilted my head back as she placed her finger and thumb on my chin and looked in.

“Okay, that’s fine. Good girl.”

She stepped back out and closed the door.

Chapter 16

T he spherical angles poked up into my tongue. I maneuvered the pills out and spat them on the floor, stomped them under my foot, and kicked the crumbs under the bed. I was full of adrenaline. Now I knew why everyone was doped up, I actually felt a bit sorry for some of the staff. But it couldn’t go on like this. How do people like Kev get these care jobs? I thought. They shouldn’t be allowed near these places.

I heard nothing. I looked through the glass, but the corridor seemed empty. I started running on the spot to try and release some of the energy. But it didn’t work. I tried squats and press-ups, then paced the five steps of the room, seething inside. It was only a matter of time before someone did something serious. Something had to give.

I surveyed my window. Even if I could find a way to smash the glass, I wouldn’t be able to squeeze beyond those bars, so any Hollywoodesque notion of twisting my bedsheets into a rope and dangling down to freedom wouldn’t work. The sheets weren’t long enough anyway. I thought of the other options. Every window I’d seen in the hospital was barred. The hall doors were all securely locked. There was no way out but the way I came in. If I could just get through the two locked doors, get through that buffer zone, then I was as good as free. And then I remembered Sanders had mentioned a library. Of course! I needed books anyway. There had to be a chance.

I still had my promised phone call as well, but Sanders or someone else would be sitting by the phone, ready to cut it off the second I said the wrong thing. And what would I be allowed to say? What could I say? Mrs. Mack didn’t know me well enough, so any innuendos wouldn’t work.

I sat on the bed and tried to calm myself. I breathed deeply through my nose and exhaled through my mouth like I had done the day before. I closed my eyes tighter. Inhaled and exhaled. Inhaled and exhaled. Breathed in fresh air and imagined clearing away all the shit as I breathed out slow and steady.

After a while, time seemed to slow down. I could feel myself becoming more relaxed… I sucked up all the air I could take into my chest, breathed out then repeated the process. The pain went away… I let my mind wander.

I imagined myself floating right through the window and out over the grounds. Leaving the whole place behind, I drifted away over the miles of woodland. I was above it all, unchained, flying over a green canopy that seemed to cover the whole earth. I rose higher. I was amongst the clouds. I floated amongst them and all I could see was white.

The wind blew through my hair and wrapped me in a great calmness. I could breathe. I was me again.

The clouds parted below, and I looked down at the earth. I spotted an opening in the forest and let myself float down. I came down past the treetops, the great branches stretching up from

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