Recipes for a Sacred Life: True Stories and a Few Miracles by Rivvy Neshama (top rated books of all time .TXT) 📗

and I’m grateful for their presence. They allow me to stop holding in my stomach, which I generally do in a swimsuit).

Well, I thought, this is heaven: sitting on a beach, letting out my stomach, and reading a book by Anne Tyler. I cherish her books. I even think they’re sacred—in the way she showers all her characters with an almost divine compassion, despite or because of their many quirks and flaws.

Patchwork Planet is about Barnaby Gaitlin, who is waiting to meet his personal angel. It’s a family tradition, he says. It started with his granddad, who one day met a tall, golden-haired stranger in a grocery store. Her seemingly random words inspired him to find his way and fortune.

I put the book down to take a swim. Floating on my back to look at clouds John said were cirrus, I considered if deep down, everyone believes in angels, or wants to believe in angels, or, more importantly, wants to meet theirs. I’d like to meet my angel, I thought (wondering if I already had, and it was John). And then this thought just came to me: Maybe I could be the angel for someone else.

I liked that idea. In fact, I think that’s how it works. We all get to be angels for each other, just by saying the right thing at the right time with the right humor or wisdom. It might be as simple as giving a touch, a hug, or a smile. All we have to do is really listen to people, even those we briefly encounter, and respond openly from our heart. We might never know we were their angel, but we could change their lives.

The funny thing is, when I’ve taken the time to stop and help strangers, they’ve almost always said in parting “God bless you” and looked at me in a way that made me feel warm and blessed indeed. Perhaps I wasn’t their angel after all, but they were mine.

RECIPES FOR PARTNERS:

KEEPING LOVE SACRED

The love you share with your partner is like electricity. When it’s on, you feel a heightened connection to the world and to spirit. When it’s off and you want to feel it again, you need to first regain your connection to spirit or your higher self. For me, one way back is through prayer or meditation. I pray to see with eyes of love, to forgive, and to stop judging. Or, in meditation, I’ll notice my anger and hurt and let them pass (letting them pass is the hard part, but it’s helpful just to notice).

My mother always said you have to work at a relationship (she especially said it after my divorce). I never liked the sound of that, but alas, it’s true. It’s a practice to keep love on a higher plane. Here are some ways to return to that space when you find you’re on a descent.

When wondering “Why did I ever pick this partner?” that’s a good time to remember just why you did: all the things you first loved and admired about them and still love the most. It helps to write these down when you’re feeling very loving—to reread when you’re not!

This is especially useful for people like me, who tend to forget all the good when the bad times come. Oh right, I think when I read in my list, “John is a very accepting person who always forgives me.” Hmm, I guess I could give him a little slack.

Go to spiritual events together—retreats, chanting, or a talk by a respected teacher, especially one with a good sense of humor—say, Deepak Chopra. I had no idea how funny this man would be in person since his books are rather ponderous. Yet there he was telling how he and his brother ritually scattered their father’s ashes in the Ganges River and then joking about where he might scatter his brother’s ashes in the future. At his favorite golf course? Or perhaps give them to his nephew so he could finally have his dad in the palm of his hand . . .

But Deepak wasn’t just funny. His talk lifted us into the realm of higher consciousness and back. It was a cosmic trip that we took together, and like all good trips, it deepened our connection.

Here’s something we do if we’re feeling distant or if we had a fight and want to get closer. It seems to work best while walking or hiking. We alternate saying things we like or appreciate about each other (with pregnant pauses in between, depending on how far apart we’re feeling). It might start like this:

“I like your voice.”

“I like how you are with my family.”

“I like walking with you.”

“I appreciate your willingness to do this.”

On a long walk, you have time to remember many things, enough to bring you back.

Sometimes it’s enough just to walk together, to see things and feel the wind or sun. It helps change your energy, especially at dawn or dusk, or on warm nights under the stars. If you’re angry, you can talk it through or walk in silence. Either way, it works. There’s something about walking, step by step, that releases your tension into the air.

Think of your love as a cabbage or rose. I once walked with Ellie through her garden while we discussed the challenges of relationships, specifically our own. “The great thing about gardening,” Ellie said, “is that you cultivate the good. Sometimes you get rid of weeds, but mostly, you cultivate the good. Well, that’s what we need to do with our partners. Focus on the good. And just looking for it will help bring it out.”

Okay, I saved the best for last. This is my all-time favorite recipe for couples. John and I have followed it for years, and it adds sacredness to our life and love. We do it in bed every night, and it starts with gratefulness. Taking turns, back and forth, we say everything we were grateful for that day—the sunshine