Influenced by Eva Robinson (best free ebook reader TXT) 📗

admit she’d forgotten to feed Nora. “I forgot to pack the bag, and Nora refused to eat. Threw all her food on the floor.” She felt a twinge of guilt as she said this. “So she still needs dinner.”

“Take your time. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Are you all right?”

“Of course!” She opened a box of Chex and started shoving fistfuls of cereal into a baggie. What else did she need? Think. Think. “Pajamas and pacifiers.”

“Sorry?”

“Um… just reminding myself what I need. I’ll be down in a second.” She hung up and shoved her phone in her purse.

Nora gripped the baby gate and screeched, “Go outside! Outside! Dada outside!” while Hannah scoured the shelves for sippy cups and pacifiers.

When had Nora become so obsessed with Luke? Maybe it was because Luke actually paid attention to her instead of staring at the phone all day.

With the bags fully packed, Hannah called for an Uber. Then she snatched a cardigan off the bannister and lifted Nora from the gate.

She took a moment to press her face against Nora’s soft skin and kiss her cheek. She always missed Nora when she was gone.

“Mama kiss,” said Nora quietly, a little delight tinging her voice.

Before leaving, Hannah turned to look at her apartment. Empty seltzer cans littered the table. She didn’t remember drinking those.

She held Nora tight and walked carefully down the stairs.

“Too tight! Mama hug too tight!” Nora complained.

But every time Hannah took the stairs, she pictured herself dropping Nora and watching her little body flail like a rag doll as she tumbled down. Hannah’s worst fear wasn’t just that something terrible would happen to Nora, but that it would be her fault. There couldn’t be a worse feeling than knowing you had caused someone to fall like that.

At the bottom of two flights of stairs, she breathed out slowly and pulled open the front door.

Luke was leaning against his car, and he held out his arms to Nora. Hannah squeezed Nora tighter, her chin brushing against her daughter’s soft curls. She kissed her firmly on the cheek, but Nora was already trying to struggle out of her grasp.

“Dada here!” Nora snuggled into his neck, and Hannah found herself beaming at them.

They were a beautiful family. Nora had inherited Luke’s big brown eyes and his long eyelashes, and she had Hannah’s delicate features.

Except—they weren’t a family.

“Call me if anything goes wrong,” said Hannah.

“I know.” He flashed her a lopsided grin. “You look nice.”

It was generous of him to say that. “Do I? I don’t know. I’m going to a party at some woman’s house. I think she’s a professor at BU? They’re trying to raise money for a Cambridge teen center project or something. Anyway, I feel like I haven’t been to a party in ages.” She handed over the bag. “Um, so Nora needs dinner. And she’s pretty hungry now, so she might need to eat the Chex on the way.”

Luke’s warm smile made her feel at ease. “Okay. We’ll be fine. She’ll be fed.”

Hannah shook her head. “I’m just feeling very forgetful. I keep zoning out. And my house is full of ants, and when I try to sleep, I see ants crawling in my head.”

He nuzzled his head against Nora’s, and she giggled. “Why don’t you get an exterminator?”

“And fill the house with poison?”

“Little ant traps, then. You can hide them where she can’t get to them.”

Hannah had to wonder at his judgment sometimes. “But those are poison too, and she eats things off the floor.” She could never live with herself if she poisoned her own daughter. “Never mind. I’ll think about it.”

“I’m just worried about you,” he said. “If you don’t sleep…”

Her phone buzzed, and she glanced at the black car pulling up. “My Uber’s here. You have the car seat installed properly, right?” She couldn’t stop herself. Obviously, this kind of thing was why he had a new girlfriend—someone more fun who didn’t nag.

His brow furrowed. “Car seat? I was just going to duct-tape her to the window, is that wrong? Or I thought maybe she could drive while I vape in the back seat.”

She suppressed a smile and gave him a light smack on the arm. “I know you’re joking, but I just need you to say it anyway.”

He tilted his chin down. “Hannah, if you trust me, you don’t need to worry. Do you trust me?”

“With my life.”

“Good. We’ll be fine, as usual. And you should have fun for once and sleep in. You look like you could do with a bit of rest and relaxation. You deserve it.”

She scowled. “I am plenty of fun, Luke.”

Her mood fell as soon as she was in the Uber. He always made her smile, always made her pulse race these days. But what did he mean, “she looked like she could use a bit of rest”?

He was completely right, of course, because when she closed her eyes in the back seat, her mind swarmed with ants. As the car drove through Cambridge, she could feel time racing again, and a whistling noise rose in her mind, screeching louder.

How long could you go without a good night’s sleep before you just completely snapped?

Eighteen

As soon as Rowan opened the door to her apartment, Hannah immediately wished she’d dressed up more. Rowan wore a blood-red dress that hugged her body, with lips painted the same shade.

“I’m so happy you’re here! I’m making us bellinis before we go. Come up. I’m so glad you could get away from… well, from being a mom for a night.”

“Me too. I’m lucky to have Luke.” Hannah followed Rowan up a steep set of stairs into the apartment, a huge loft space with towering ceilings. “I mean, for childcare.”

Hannah surveyed the space with a pang of jealousy—hardwood floors, a wooden stairwell leading to a loft bed. The famous balcony window that looked out over the river.

Could do with a clean, though. Opposite the balcony, dishes cluttered the kitchen, and heaps of recycling