Pet Psychic Mysteries Boxset Books 5-8 (Magic Market Mysteries Book 2) by Erin Johnson (reading diary .TXT) 📗

I leaned my face close to hers and woofed. Only dogs named Daisy.

Her dark eyes slid to me, unamused, but I chuckled and after a glance toward the doorway Maria had disappeared through, rose and sat beside the lizard. I sobered up a bit as it fixed its cold, reptilian eye on me. Did it bite? I kept my hands tucked under my thighs just in case it went for my fingers.

I cleared my throat and let out a few sniffles and sneezes—the elegant language of iguanas.

The creature grew perfectly still except for its scaly sides ballooning in and out—the only sign it was alive and possibly listening.

Hi there—any idea why this woman thinks you’re her husband?

The iguana jerked its head up and stared at me out of one eye. It sneezed. You speak iguana?

I nodded and sniffled. I do. Can you tell—

It scrambled toward me, faster than I’d thought possible, and I yelped and jumped off the couch.

Oh, sands! I’m trapped in this flippin’ lizard body! Somebody else to talk to who isn’t my wife—she drones on and on!

I blinked down at it, looking from the startled Peter and Daisy back to the lizard. I pressed my eyes shut for a moment then sniffled and croaked.

Let me get this straight—you’re telling me you actually are her husband, John?

22

The Lizard

The lizard bobbed its bearded head up and down, its mohawk of spiny spikes bristling. I got sick about a year ago. Maria was a terrible caretaker. Granted, she tried everything she could think of to get me well and catered to me, but could she get anything right? No! The soup was always too hot or too cold, my bedsheets got tangled around my legs, I got bored all the time and she was terrible at entertaining me, and despite my repeated, very detailed instructions on how I needed to be cared for, she just couldn’t seem to follow them!

I shot a side-eye look at Peter. Maria hadn’t been kidding when she’d said they got along better now—this guy sounded miserable to live with, much less care for while sick.

I turned back to the iguana and hissed. So what happened to turn you into a lizard?

Some old friend of hers got wind that I was sick and we were going through tough times and recruited her into her downline for that scam Potent Potions.

I nodded. Sounded about right. From what I knew of these pyramid schemes, the higher ups encouraged their downlines to prey on the lonely, struggling, and poor—anyone going through a tough time that’d make them desperate for a better life.

I shook my head thinking of Ralph Litt’s opulent hotel suite. They milked these people dry—forcing them to exploit their closest relationships and invest money they likely didn’t have, all with false promises of success—then lived the high life while these people suffered. It was deplorable, and the lawyer in me itched to dig into the business and get justice for people like Maria. Even the “friend” who’d signed her up was likely a victim herself—forced to recruit more suckers as the only way of recovering some of her own investment.

The lizard, John, huffed and sneezed, snapping me back to the present.

They filled her head with all these ridiculous promises about what their little vials of potions could do and how it’d cure me of my illness. Ha! It started with just patches of skin turning all scaly, then one day I woke up and poof—I’m a lizard!

I shook my head. That’s awful. And it was… so why was I still having to fight not to laugh? So the potions turned you into a lizard—I’ve never heard of anything like that.

Yeah, well, I’d suspect she’d done it on purpose if I didn’t know she was too stupid to pull that off.

Wow. What a charmer.

The lizard coughed and hissed. My wife talked to a lawyer, they confronted Potent Potions, and they paid her off a huge settlement to keep her quiet. It’s why she can’t discuss the details with you.

I nodded. I’d guessed as much from my brief glimpse of the document Avery Ann had pulled out earlier. I opened my mouth to ask him about a cure, but he went on.

That, plus the extra money the other guy gave us for the remaining vials allowed us to move to this swanky joint. Eh, can’t complain, I guess. I mean, I am a lizard now, but I’d probably have been dead of my human illness by now so, what’re you gonna do?

I frowned. I had no idea what to say to that. But what did he mean by extra money? Did someone from Potent Potions pay you for the rest of the vials that turned you into this?

Peter cleared his throat, and I looked up. “What’s he saying?”

I held up a finger and turned back to John the lizard. I needed to get all this before Maria got back.

The lizard shook his head, the loose skin at his neck swaying. No, I don’t think the guy was from Potent Potions. They just wanted to throw money our way and shut us up. This other guy was a lot more intense, seemed very interested in the potion itself. He asked my wife a lot of questions about how it’d worked—course, she couldn’t tell him much. Neither of us had any idea how this happened—and as a lizard, frankly I couldn’t tell him anything.

The lizard blinked. That was a joke.

Oh! Ha! I slapped my thigh. Good one.

Don’t patronize me.

I sobered up. Do you remember the guy’s name?

The lizard narrowed its eyes. Hm—he was some lawyer, wouldn’t say who he was representing. Ronster… Rondtent? Mr. Ronstadt, that was it.

I frowned. Why did that name seem so familiar? Was he a lawyer I’d known during my career?

“Jolene!” Peter hissed and jerked his head toward the empty spot on the couch beside him.

I shot my head up and heard the clink of dishes.

“Sorry it took me