CRACKED: An Anthology of Eggsellent Chicken Stories by J. Posthumus (feel good novels txt) 📗

chemical stink poured out of the soggy tiles and all over her carefully groomed hair and suit. Those kids—!

Just then, her door opened and closed. She turned to look. An orange chicken wandered across the polished floor, cooing gently.

The drips of smelly yellow turned into an oozing trail of slime that fell from above. Miss Cuthbert jumped back and stared at her fingers for a moment, now firmly stuck together with the gunk. Something moved above her, and she looked up again just in time to see a tile collapse. From the gap thus formed now fell a colony of roaches.

Miss Cuthbert screamed, but her sidestep was too slow. The insects landed on the goo that covered her and became stuck. The chicken suddenly took an interest and strutted over to peck at the stranded roaches.

It was then that Miss Cuthbert noticed the chicken was wearing a jacket with a bulging pocket on the back. Trembling, she reached for it and pulled out an oblong item with rounded corners. What could it be?

She got her answer when it began to emit red smoke. It floated up and obscured the top half of the room. A fire alarm went off; she strode to the door, but found it jammed. The chicken, unperturbed, continued to stab at the insects attached to her ankles, and she realised half-heartedly that she should probably let it get at the others.

And that is how it came to be that the staff came to find Miss Isobel Cuthbert sitting on the floor of her beslimed office, holding a chicken who pecked roaches out of her hair. She looked up at the shocked faces in the doorway.

The chicken pooped generously onto her lap.

Laura fidgeted on a chair in the deputy principal’s office. Alena sighed beside her and slouched in her seat.

Miss Cuthbert stalked in. She’d changed her clothes, but the slime still stuck to her face and hair. Something moved among the strands, and Laura stared openly. Slime and roaches both hit as planned. Inwardly, she did a fist-pump. Outwardly, only a slight tightening of her fingers gave away her pride in the success of that part of the plan.

Miss Cuthbert sat, with a squelching sound. She glared at the girls. “Your parents entrusted us with your care while they travel for business. They didn’t want you to stay alone in Samoa with a nanny, because you’re in high school now, and your education is important. And we tried, we really did. But you’ve gone too far this time.”

“You were first,” muttered Alena.

“I’m sorry?” Miss Cuthbert narrowed her eyes.

Alena shrugged. “You sent me to the dorm and wouldn’t let me talk to my sister. That was clearly too far.”

Laura nodded. “You really should have asked our parents before doing something like that.”

“I was hoping for a reasonable conversation with you. See if we could start over.” Miss Cuthbert tilted her head, and a roach fell on the desk. She fixed her icy stare on Laura. “I see now that was too much to expect. You are simply toxic.”

A chill fingered Laura’s insides. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you you’re not supposed to say that to children?”

“I’ve spoken to your father, and he agrees with me.”

Alena gulped so loudly that Laura heard it. “I bet you didn’t use that word with him.”

“Notwithstanding.” Miss Cuthbert straightened in the chair. “I told him I have to expel you.”

The sisters shared a triumphant glance. Yes! They would be getting out of here. Going home. Laura found it within herself to smile at the principal. Maybe she’d even feel sorry for her, one day.

“He has instructed me to send you to live with your grandmother in Rotorua.”

Silence fell.

Laura gaped like a fish for a moment. “But—but who’d ever want to go there? Smelly little town in the middle of nowhere.”

Miss Cuthbert smirked. “That is where you will go. Since your parents want you to stay in New Zealand, your grandmother is the only option that makes sense. Her home will be the best place for you, and Rotorua has some perfectly adequate high schools.”

Claws clicked, and the three turned to the open door, where the chicken calmly walked in and collected the insects that had reached the floor around Miss Cuthbert’s feet. She pointed at it. “Put that bird back where you found it, and get packed. You’re leaving this afternoon.”

The bus pulled away from the dingy terminal with a shudder. Laura said nothing until it finished weaving through city blocks and entered the motorway. As it eased into a higher speed, she turned to her sister. “I still don’t want to go to Rotorua.”

“Yeah, it really is smelly.” Alena wrinkled her nose.

“Aside from that, I think we’ve been excellently successful. We got away, after all.”

“They didn’t send us home, though, like we wanted.”

Laura gazed philosophically at a fly-splat on the windscreen. “Maybe this is the next best thing.”

“I suppose we might have more freedom. Listen, we’re not going to prank Nana.”

“Of course not. I was thinking we might go easy on the teachers at first, too—until we know if we want to get away.”

Alena nodded. “Sounds reasonable. I read up a bit about Rotorua when they gave me my phone back…”

“Oh yeah? What did you find out?”

“Super touristy. We can totally have a hot night on the town.”

“Is that all? Really?” Laura rolled her eyes.

“It’s a weird place. There’s like, geysers and stuff, and sometimes they go off in weird places. Like under houses.”

“Huh. Who needs to play pranks when the earth itself is pranking you?” Laura paused for a moment as they swept by a last view of the harbour, guarded by the peaks of Rangitoto. “I thought the oddest thing was how she called us toxic.”

Alena jabbed her in the ribs. “Don’t let it get to you. If toxic is what it takes to get out of there…I’m good with that. We did what we had to do.”

“I still think the chicken was the perfect finish,” said