Love Is for Losers by Wibke Brueggemann (ebook pc reader .txt) 📗

I can’t believe the internet is letting me down with something so basic.

PPPPPS: I just messaged Polly, and she messaged right back.

Me: It was nice to see you today.

Polly: And you. Miss you. xxx

Friday, April 13 #GoingGoingGone

Friday the thirteenth is our lucky day, because the Star Wars poster sold for £530.

It was insane.

Seriously, all those people “watching” suddenly crawled out of the woodwork, and for the last two minutes, it just went up and up and up.

We knew this afternoon that it would sell for at least £470, and even Pat was eating her words about us better not branching out to sell things online.

I reckon it would’ve been even better for the auction to have ended on a Sunday (statistically, auctions that end on a Sunday night are the most lucrative), but I guess £530 is pretty decent.

I told Kate I’d go to my room to finally do some studying, but instead I messaged Emma about the £530.

She couldn’t believe it.

I wonder if she’s studying.

It’s a month until our first exam, and I’m not going to lie, I feel a bit sick.

Saturday, April 14 #HeatWave

Today James was like: “We should all meet up and watch Return of the Jedi,” and instead of going: Why would I want to see you people on my one day off? Kate was like: “That’s such a brilliant idea. We really should celebrate.”

So now everyone’s invited to ours tomorrow, which is so annoying, because Emma and I had planned on taking the kitten pictures.

I swear James is ruining my life.

It was so hot in the stockroom today, it was disgusting.

Emma wore a floral summer dress and brown Doc Martens. She was like: “I need sturdy footwear in this shithole. You never know what you’re going to step into next.”

I really wish I could be stylish like her.

Also: Bill and Melanie are back from Morocco.

Melanie usually does the books, and they’ve only been in such a state because she’s been away a lot, and today she was all like: “Kate, your James is a gem. He’s done this beautifully. He’s even separated the hardbacks. I think it’s time that I retire.”

Then they all laughed, because apparently Melanie retired from the shop once before when she turned eighty, but three weeks later, she was so bored at home that she demanded to be reinstated.

I’m going to be exactly like that when I’m her age.

After work Kate and I went into Morrison’s to get food and drinks for tomorrow. We bought so much that she ended up having to get the car, because we couldn’t carry it all.

Me: Who’s going to eat all this?

Kate: You.

Me: And who’s going to cook all this?

Kate (looking at me, smiling, fluttering her eyelashes):…

Me: Oh man.

So I’m going to have to get up early to make salads and stuff.

The Woman’s Guide to Cookery and Household Management would not approve of such an impromptu get-together. It suggests starting with the preparation for a Christmas dinner in September.

We’re also having to cordon off the designer cats and kittens so that they don’t get distressed. It’ll be like a zoo.

Sunday, April 15 #SummerAfternoonsAndEvenings

I’m so unbelievably tired, I’m almost hysterical.

Forget The Woman’s Guide to Cookery and Household Management, Kate and I rocked the catering. We made garlic bread, two quiches, mini sausage rolls, potato salad, mixed green salad, brownies, chocolate chip cookies, a massive pot of chili con carne, and a smaller pot of chili sin carne (because James loves the animals so much that he could never eat one). I was like: “If he gets a vegetarian option, can I have a kosher one?” But Kate just looked at me.

Most of the food obviously didn’t need making, but simply taking out of a packet and heating up or pouring into a nice bowl, but still, it all had to be prepared.

The only person who couldn’t come was Alex, who always spends Sundays with his family.

Bill and Melanie brought a whole box of actual Champagne. They were like: “You must always celebrate in style.”

They are so posh it’s hilarious.

Bill was wearing shorts, a cricket jacket, and a pink cravat. He looked totally LOL sitting on one of Kate’s old plastic garden chairs. And Melanie looked like a movie star from the 1920s. She had on huge Gucci sunglasses that pretty much covered her entire face.

Pat, of course, looked horrendous in a floaty floral knee-length skirt, comfortable old-lady shoes, and yet another beige cardigan.

I was thinking, you know, she’s only sixty-five, and Melanie is eighty-six, so she’s young enough to be Melanie’s daughter, and yet she looks like Melanie’s grandmother.

Emma arrived together with James, which didn’t put me in the best of moods straightaway, obviously. She’d bought a card and a five-pound M&S voucher for Pat to say “sorry for selling your cardigan in the buy-one-get-one-half-price deal,” and I think Pat finally felt bad for having been so vile about it, and she was like: “Don’t be silly, Emma. And take that voucher back.” But Melanie grabbed the voucher and shoved it into the pocket of Pat’s cardigan, going: “Nonsense, Pat. Have the voucher. Emma wants to do something nice for you, so accept it.” And then Pat hugged Emma for, like, a whole minute, saying thank you.

She wouldn’t have forgiven me that easily.

Everyone had a glass of Champagne to say well done for raising all that money for the Star Wars poster.

I spoke to Bill and Melanie loads about their travels. I reckon they’re doing it right. They’re going everywhere but are staying at hotels—not like Mum going to all these exotic places and having to build her own shelter and then dig a hole half a mile away for a toilet.

Because it was so hot, everyone was in our tiny garden pretty much all day, and we didn’t watch Return of the Jedi after all.

Kate found a badminton set she’d bought when I was little, and Emma and James played for hours until they