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I had been singing in church my whole life it wasn’t that hard for me to put on a smile or make people shiver with a song. That is what church singin’ is all about. Also, because I grew up around so much music, I knew lots of songs and lots of styles. The different singing assignments were my push-ups.

After the first day, I started seeing people messin’ up. They just weren’t ready for this kind of singin’ on demand. That made me feel bad for them and scared for myself at the same time. I knew I could do it, but you never knew what would make the judges eliminate you and send you home. We were expected to do some sort of an audition every day of this first week, and every day people were cryin’ and goin’ home. Even when we weren’t auditioning we were being watched by all of the producers who were checking out our vibe, checkin’ to see if your spirit was in the wrong place, and makin’ sure that you weren’t catty and unprofessional. I saw girls sent home for not remembering their lyrics, guys messin’ up with their harmonies in the group exercises. One girl was sent home because she wasn’t “connecting with the audience.” The producer told her, “You can’t be a performer if you aren’t connecting with the audience. You have to go home.”

After each audition, whether it was a solo or a group piece, we would have about a twenty-minute break to eat or get something to drink. Then you were paired up for your next assignment, whether it was with a vocal coach for solos or with other singers for your group assignment. What was so hard about all of this for me was all these TV folks barking orders because everything is moving so fast, telling me what to do and where to be. I wasn’t used to people who took their work so serious and knowing exactly what they wanted. I didn’t know how to take them sometimes. I couldn’t even joke with them to calm my own nerves, so I just listened as hard as I could and did what they said. And I kept seeing a steady line of people going home every day.

After 6:00 p.m., officially, we were free, but we usually used that time to practice some more or we could go out with the new friends that we had met. I never went out. I was too nervous that I would oversleep the next morning or forget what I was supposed to do or forget where I was supposed to be early in the morning. I had to workhard to concentrate. I hadn’t concentrated so hard since the eighth grade. I don’t think I ever concentrated before, really. I was having to listen to directions twice as hard to hear what the producers were sayin’. There were so many different room numbers and times and group numbers, I was scared all the time that I would mess up by not showing up or going to the wrong room at the wrong time and be sent home.

One day we got a half day to go shopping. It was time for the last set of auditions before the final cut to thirty-two people. My roommate asked me if I wanted to go with her, but I had no extra money and Mama didn’t send me with a credit card, so I told my roommate that I had to practice something for my solo at the end of the week. I went to my room and cried, knowing that I didn’t belong in this fancy competition with all these people who could go shopping when they wanted. I didn’t belong in this competition because if they didn’t make it, they had something else that they could do with their life. This was all that I had for my life.

I just kept wearin’ my same pair of tight jeans with different tight tops and different big hoop earrings and matching high-heel shoes. But when I sang, I just sang from my heart and my voice probably sounded better than those jeans looked, but the music was my gift from God and I was finally sharing it with the world. It was in those moments that I knew whatever happened, it was gonna be okay.

On one audition, we were partnered with another contestant and we were told we had to learn a Supreme song. My partner and I picked the classic “Where Did Our Love Go” I remembered every word from growing up in our music-filled household. It was an easy choice for me. I made it through to the next round, but my partner didn’t. Even though singers were partnered up, they were still looking at us as individuals. They just wanted to see how our voices blended with other voices and if you could harmonize. The last song I sang before the cut was made to thirty-two contestants was “Something to Talk About.” With this song, I went in a totally different direction from everyone else. Most people were choosing contemporary songs from urban or pop radio. My song was not on any urban or pop radio station I had ever heard, and it was really different, because it was Bonnie Raitt. The song was sassy and unique, especially for me, and it used my voice in a special way. I remember Simon Cowell struggling with his critique, but finally saying, “You’re different, Fantasia.I like that. ”

That is what God has been trying to tell me.

The first week in Hollywood, 117 contestants turned into 32.

For the next four weeks, the group of 32 is broken into four groups of 8. Each group of 8 will return to Hollywood for a separate week to do another mini boot camp. My group was Diana DeGarmo, Jennifer Hudson, Marque Lynche, Matthew Metzger, Ashley Thomas, Erskine Walcott, and Katie Webber and me. This was Group One, so I

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