At First Sight by Hannah Sunderland (best inspirational books txt) 📗

of my neck and his hot breath danced through my hair. Whatever words I’d planned on saying next were pushed from my lungs in the form of a quiet wheeze as he squeezed me tightly. My arms unfolded and I managed to slide them out from between us. They fell to my sides and dangled there while Charlie hugged me. I felt my heart stutter a little and I was appalled with myself. Why was I so bloody forgiving? And what was it about this man that made me feel like doing it so easily?

‘Charlie?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Can you get off me, please?’

‘Sure. Sure,’ he said, taking his time in unhooking his arms and stepping back a few paces.

‘I didn’t write back because I’ve been dealing with some stuff. I know that’s not an excuse and I was wrong to ignore you, especially after we, yer know, left things. But I really do want us to be friends. I’m sorry.’

‘Is Carrick okay?’ I asked.

‘He’s fine.’ That guilty look crept back onto his face.

‘All of this has been on your terms,’ I said, surprised at how angry my voice came out. ‘Frankly, Charlie, that’s not how friendships work.’ I crossed my arms over my chest. ‘Meeting with you after you called could have landed me in real trouble with work – a job that I love. We talk, we flirt, you make sure I get home safely. Then you try to kiss me but end up shouting at me instead. Eventually, you come back and I feel like that was the one excusable mess-up. I was sort of pleased because I thought that it meant that you’d got it out of the way early. But then you ghost me, again. You couldn’t even be bothered to send an emoji in response?’

‘I know, I know. I suck.’

‘I’m almost thirty, I don’t have time for this school-kid shit. You come in here and act like …’ I paused, unsure how to put this into words. ‘You act like you want me, as a friend and sometimes way more than that. But at the slightest sign of anything happening between us, you turn into frigging Houdini.’

‘Nell, look. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doin’ at the moment. Life is runnin’ away from me a little and meetin’ you, well, it’s made me think about what I should do,’ he said, his eyes finding mine and, once again, I was struck by their blue intensity.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean that I was changin’ things. I quit my job, made a plan and thought that I had everythin’ set out and then I met you and … you sorta cast a new filter over everythin.’

I frowned with confusion. What did any of this even mean?

‘Look, Charlie. I know you’re dealing with some heavy stuff with your uncle at the moment and I want to help you with it, but I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me.’

‘I know, I know and I do want to tell yer, I just … I know I’ve been an arse and the last thing I want yer to do is think badly of me.’

‘Well, I do think badly of you. I’m a person, with feelings. Feelings that you don’t seem to give a shit about.’

He winced as if he knew he was onto a loser. ‘I do give a shit about your feelin’s.’

‘Shall I pop the pizzas in?’ Ned called from the other room.

‘Yeah!’ I shouted back.

‘Nell—’ Charlie uttered.

I held up my hand to stop him. ‘My mum always said to forgive, but only to forget if I was certain that the person asking for forgiveness wouldn’t end up needing forgiveness again and, so far, you’ve needed it twice.’

‘Charlie, beer?’ Ned called again.

‘Ned!’ I shouted back. ‘Can’t you hear that we’re having an argument here?’

‘Sorry!’ he said and I heard the soft shutting of the kitchen door.

‘If yer don’t want to forgive me, then please don’t. I deserve no less. But, if it’s okay with yer, I’d like to stay for pizza.’

I hated myself for wanting him to stay.

‘Fine. But you’re Ned’s guest, not mine.’

The door creaked and I knew Ned was eavesdropping, even before he appeared and stepped into the room. He was holding his hands up like a white flag as he stepped into the battlefield that was the living room.

‘I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have been listening, but you weren’t exactly whispering.’ He came to a stop between us.

‘What do you want, Ned?’ I snapped.

He sighed and looked from me to Charlie. They spoke without words as they looked at each other, Charlie seeming to come to an unspoken understanding with Ned. It was almost as if … no.

‘Wait, do you two know each other?’ I asked, my eyes scrunched, my brows lowered.

Ned raised his brows at Charlie and nodded gently. ‘I think you need to tell her.’

Charlie looked panicked, his eyes darting to me and then back to Ned as he squirmed on the spot.

‘Look, Charlie, I know Nell and if you don’t explain yourself now, you’re never going to get her to trust you and you certainly won’t get her to stop asking questions until she knows everything.’

I took a step forward, frustration making me seethe.

‘Do you know each other?’ I said a little more firmly.

‘Yes. We know each other,’ Charlie said, his hands flailing as if he had no idea what to do with them or where to place them.

‘How?’

I looked to Charlie for an answer, but it was Ned who did. ‘Do you remember, two years ago when I got that hard call on my birthday? The jumper?’

‘Yeah, of course I do. It upset you for weeks.’

‘I didn’t know if the person who called had gone through with it, because they hung up before I was able to get them to come down from the tower. I scoured the obituaries and the news but I had very little to go on. I didn’t even know his name. All I knew was that