An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser (librera reader txt) 📗

“Yes, sir. But you see just as I was going to talk to her at that time I got to thinking of all the things I had been thinking before I came up.”

“What, for instance?”

“Why, Miss X and my life in Lycurgus, and what we’d be up against in case we did go away this way.”

“Yes.”

“And⁠ ⁠… well⁠ ⁠… and then I couldn’t just tell her then⁠—not that day, anyhow.”

“Well, when did you tell her then?”

“Well, I told her not to cry any more⁠—that I thought maybe it would be all right if she gave me twenty-four hours more to think things all out⁠—that maybe we’d be able to settle on something.”

“And then?”

“Well, then she said after a while that she didn’t care for Grass Lake. She wished we would go away from there.”

“She did?”

“Yes. And then we got out the maps again and I asked a fellow at the hotel there if he knew about the lakes up there. And he said of all the lakes around there Big Bittern was the most beautiful. I had seen it once, and I told Roberta about it and what the man said, and then she asked why didn’t we go there.”

“And is that why you went there?”

“Yes, sir.”

“No other reason?”

“No, sir⁠—none⁠—except that it was back, or south, and we were going that way anyhow.”

“I see. And that was Thursday, July eighth?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, now, Clyde, as you have seen, it has been charged here that you took Miss Alden to and out on that lake with the sole and premeditated intent of killing her⁠—murdering her⁠—finding some unobserved and quiet spot and then first striking her with your camera, or an oar, or club, or stone maybe, and then drowning her. Now, what have you to say to that? Is that true, or isn’t it?”

“No, sir! It’s not true!” returned Clyde, clearly and emphatically. “I never went there of my own accord in the first place, and I only went there because she didn’t like Grass Lake.” And here, because he had been sinking down in his chair, he pulled himself up and looked at the jury and the audience with what measure of strength and conviction he could summon⁠—as previously he had been told to do. At the same time he added: “And I wanted to please her in any way that I could so that she might be a little more cheerful.”

“Were you still as sorry for her on this Thursday as you had been the day before?”

“Yes, sir⁠—more, I think.”

“And had you definitely made up your mind by then as to what you wanted to do?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, and just what was that?”

“Well, I had decided to play as fair as I could. I had been thinking about it all night, and I realized how badly she would feel and I too if I didn’t do the right thing by her⁠—because she had said three or four times that if I didn’t she would kill herself. And I had made up my mind that morning that whatever else happened that day, I was going to straighten the whole thing out.”

“This was at Grass Lake. You were still in the hotel on Thursday morning?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you were going to tell her just what?”

“Well, that I knew that I hadn’t treated her quite right and that I was sorry⁠—besides, that her offer was fair enough, and that if after what I was going to tell her she still wanted me, I would go away with her and marry her. But that I had to tell her first the real reason for my changing as I had⁠—that I had been and still was in love with another girl and that I couldn’t help it⁠—that probably whether I married her or not⁠—”

“Miss Alden you mean?”

“Yes, sir⁠—that I would always go on loving this other girl, because I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. But just the same, if that didn’t make any difference to her, that I would marry her even if I couldn’t love her any more as I once did. That was all.”

“But what about Miss X?”

“Well, I had thought about her too, but I thought she was better off and could stand it easier. Besides, I thought perhaps Roberta would let me go and we could just go on being friends and I would help her all I could.”

“Had you decided just where you would marry her?”

“No, sir. But I knew there were plenty of towns below Big Bittern and Grass Lake.”

“But were you going to do that without one single word to Miss X beforehand?”

“Well, no, sir⁠—not exactly. I figured that if Roberta wouldn’t let me off but didn’t mind my leaving her for a few days, I would go down to where Miss X lived and tell her, and then come back. But if she objected to that, why then I was going to write Miss X a letter and explain how it was and then go on and get married to Roberta.”

“I see. But, Clyde, among other bits of testimony here, there was that letter found in Miss Alden’s coat pocket⁠—the one written on Grass Lake Inn stationery and addressed to her mother, in which she told her that she was about to be married. Had you already told her up there at Grass Lake that morning that you were going to marry her for sure?”

“No, sir. Not exactly, but I did say on getting up that day that it was the deciding day for us and that she was going to be able to decide for herself whether she wanted me to marry her or not.”

“Oh, I see. So that’s it,” smiled Jephson, as though greatly relieved. (And Mason and Newcomb and Burleigh and State Senator Redmond all listening with the profoundest attention, now exclaimed, sotto voce and almost in unison: “Of all the bunk!”)

“Well, now we come to the trip itself. You have heard the