The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain (the false prince .txt) š
- Author: Mark Twain
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āWell, but he was the wisest man, anyway; because the widow she told me so, her own self.ā
āI doan kāyer what de widder say, he warnāt no wise man nuther. He had some er de dad-fetchedesā ways I ever see. Does you know ābout dat chile dat he āuz gwyne to chop in two?ā
āYes, the widow told me all about it.ā
āWell, den! Warnā dat de beatenesā notion in de worlā? You jesā take en look at it a minute. Dahās de stump, dahā ādatās one er de women; heahās youā ādatās de yuther one; Iās Sollermun; en dish yer dollar billās de chile. Bofe un you claims it. What does I do? Does I shin arounā mongsā de neighbors en fine out which un you de bill do bālong to, en hanā it over to de right one, all safe en sounā, de way dat anybody dat had any gumption would? No; I take en whack de bill in two, en give half un it to you, en de yuther half to de yuther woman. Datās de way Sollermun was gwyne to do wid de chile. Now I want to ast you: whatās de use er dat half a bill?ā ācanāt buy nothān wid it. En what use is a half a chile? I wouldnā give a dern for a million un um.ā
āBut hang it, Jim, youāve clean missed the pointā āblame it, youāve missed it a thousand mile.ā
āWho? Me? Go ālong. Doanā talk to me ābout yoā pints. I reckān I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ainā no sense in sich doinās as dat. De āspute warnāt ābout a half a chile, de āspute was ābout a whole chile; en de man dat think he kin settle a āspute ābout a whole chile wid a half a chile doanā know enough to come in outān de rain. Doanā talk to me ābout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him by de back.ā
āBut I tell you you donāt get the point.ā
āBlame de point! I reckān I knows what I knows. En mine you, de real pint is down furderā āitās down deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised. You take a man datās got onāy one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful oā chillen? No, he aināt; he canāt āford it. He know how to value āem. But you take a man datās got ābout five million chillen runninā rounā de house, en itās diffunt. He as soon chop a chile in two as a cat. Deyās plenty moā. A chile er two, moā er less, warnāt no consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!ā
I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head once, there warnāt no getting it out again. He was the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I went to talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide. I told about Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time ago; and about his little boy the dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut him up in jail, and some say he died there.
āPoā little chap.ā
āBut some says he got out and got away, and come to America.ā
āDatās good! But heāll be pooty lonesomeā ādey ainā no kings here, is dey, Huck?ā
āNo.ā
āDen he caināt git no situation. What he gwyne to do?ā
āWell, I donāt know. Some of them gets on the police, and some of them learns people how to talk French.ā
āWhy, Huck, doanā de French people talk de same way we does?ā
āNo, Jim; you couldnāt understand a word they saidā ānot a single word.ā
āWell, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?ā
āI donāt know; but itās so. I got some of their jabber out of a book. Sāpose a man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzyā āwhat would you think?ā
āI wouldnā think nuffān; Iād take en bust him over de headā ādat is, if he warnāt white. I wouldnāt ālow no nigger to call me dat.ā
āShucks, it aināt calling you anything. Itās only saying, do you know how to talk French?ā
āWell, den, why couldnāt he say it?ā
āWhy, he is a-saying it. Thatās a Frenchmanās way of saying it.ā
āWell, itās a blame ridicklous way, en I doanā want to hear no moā ābout it. Dey ainā no sense in it.ā
āLooky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?ā
āNo, a cat donāt.ā
āWell, does a cow?ā
āNo, a cow donāt, nuther.ā
āDoes a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?ā
āNo, dey donāt.ā
āItās natural and right for āem to talk different from each other, aināt it?ā
āCourse.ā
āAnd aināt it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk different from us?ā
āWhy, mosā sholy it is.ā
āWell, then, why aināt it natural and right for a Frenchman to talk different from us? You answer me that.ā
āIs a cat a man, Huck?ā
āNo.ā
āWell, den, dey aināt no sense in a cat talkinā like a man. Is a cow a man?ā āer is a cow a cat?ā
āNo, she aināt either of them.ā
āWell, den, she aināt got no business to talk like either one er the yuther of āem. Is a Frenchman a man?ā
āYes.ā
āWell, den! Dad blame it, why doanā he talk like a man? You answer me dat!ā
I see it warnāt no use wasting wordsā āyou canāt learn a nigger to argue. So I quit.
XVWe judged that three nights more would fetch us to Cairo, at the bottom of Illinois, where the Ohio River comes in, and that was what we was after. We would sell the raft and get on a steamboat and go way up the Ohio amongst the free States, and then be out
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