Harlequin Desire January 2021--Box Set 1 of 2 by Maisey Yates (inspirational books .TXT) 📗

tempted by him. I won’t tell you we never were. There were times… We had opportunity, and it was hard. Because I remembered what it was like with him. And it wasn’t… I shouldn’t tell you all of this. You don’t want to know about my love affairs, I’m sure.”

Cricket didn’t really, it was true. But she could be a whole lot more understanding about them now that she’d experienced a bit of it herself. Would it be like that with Jackson? Forever and ever? Staring at him from across crowded rooms and knowing how it was? If he married someone else… Would she still always remember what it was like to have his hands on her body? What if she married another man?

Frankly, she couldn’t imagine it. She didn’t really have dreams of being a wife and mother. She had always had dreams about him.

“But you didn’t. That’s the important part.”

“No.”

“And did you… With anyone else?”

“No.”

“So James Maxfield is my father.” It wasn’t a question, but a heavy confirmation.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Cricket turned, her chest feeling weighted with answers. The fact was, she hadn’t wanted to ask her mother before because she had been afraid that this was the answer. And it turned out…it was. There was nothing half so romantic as a hidden family out there waiting for her. Nothing half so wonderful as an explanation for why she was the way she was.

She just was.

And she was going to have to find a way to cope with that, to understand herself.

To be okay with that.

“He said that…” She took a breath. “Cash said that I looked like you.” She turned around again to face her mother, looked at her smooth, unlined skin, her sleek blond hair. “I don’t see how. He said I reminded him of you.”

Her mother’s expression became soft. Wistful. “Because back then I did. You’re probably the most like me, Cricket, of any of the girls. I was wild, and I was headstrong, and I couldn’t be told a damn thing. I made a sport out of daring him. Of pushing him. I felt like I was meant for bigger and better things than I could get in Gold Valley. Bigger and better things than he could give me. And I would yell that at him. I would tell him that if he really wanted me, if he really loved me, then he would figure out a way to give me the kinds of things I wanted. Because you see… I really believed that the man who would make me happy would come with all the things I wanted, and I didn’t think about the kinds of things I would give to him. And that was how I ended up in a one-sided marriage where I didn’t ask any questions, and I just took everything that came my way. I didn’t have dreams of my own. Not beyond what I could have. And when I realized that I was stuck with a man who didn’t love me, with a man who wasn’t faithful to me… I had you girls. And I wouldn’t do anything that might jeopardize my having you. And he used the three of you to threaten me.” She closed her eyes. “I’ll be completely honest, half the time the only thing that kept me away from Cash Cooper was knowing that if your father found out he would do his best to make sure I never saw you again.”

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Cricket said. “And I’m sorry I never realized how unhappy you were here.”

“Yes, well. I’m the one who made this place.” She looked around. “It was my prison. And I built it for myself, and locked myself inside. And you right with me. I never felt like I had a right to offer you any comfort.”

Cricket didn’t know what to say. Except… She remembered what Jackson had asked her, that first day he had come to her house. “Can I ask… Why did you name me Cricket?”

Her mom smiled. “Because it reminded me of who I used to be. A hot summer night sitting outside and listening to the crickets. Of simpler things and simpler times. And by then I knew… I knew I wasn’t ever going to find happiness here. The only happiness I had was you girls, and I didn’t… I was distant, because I let my guilt and my fears determine how we connected. I’m sorry for that. I really am. The divorce—this has been like a slow waking up. I’m not liking everything that I’m seeing around me. My own flaws. My own…failings in all of this.”

“James Maxfield is kind of an evil bastard.”

“Well, there was a time when I was suited to him. And that doesn’t fill me with any great joy.”

“I don’t understand how you could… I don’t want to pile anything on, Mom, and for the most part, I just think… We were all victims of his. But one thing I don’t understand is how you could marry him knowing that you loved Cash.”

“Cash didn’t come after me. He let me marry him. And up until the wedding I imagined him riding up on a white horse and taking me away from it all. I really did. I thought he would rescue me. And he didn’t. Instead he found someone else, and they had children right away. Much faster than your father and I did. And I threw myself into loving the money. If Cash hadn’t gotten married, I don’t think my marriage to your father would’ve lasted. But my other option was gone.”

“Have you ever thought that…now it might not be?”

She smiled sadly. “He’s a proud man. I don’t think he would have me. I can’t say that I blame him.”

“I don’t think you can know that. Unless you try. And don’t you think we all deserve a chance at being happy? Whatever that looks like?”

“I know that you do. I think for me it might be too late.”

Cricket left her mom’s house with