Making It Personal by Wells, C. (best non fiction books of all time txt) 📗

started this ball rolling. And then he’d come out to the entire office staff. What the fuck? All this because I can’t be certain if my father is a homophobic asshole. What if he’d got it wrong? What if Justin Davis turned out to be a perfectly reasonable man who would be delighted to know his son was happy being with a man? Some pretty big ifs there, including the one he didn’t dare to voice, as if the mere act of saying it might in some way jinx it. But this was a time for honesty. Fuck it.

What if I’m about to throw away the one man who completes me?

The thought left him weak.

But even if Melissa hadn’t come along that day, you wouldn’t have done anything to jeopardize your future with the company, would you?

Lying there in the quiet of his bedroom, Blake could be honest. Will had become important to him. But important enough to come out for him?

Well, I’ll never know now, will I?

Blake clutched his pillow. If Will was going to be out of his life, he couldn’t let him go with this chasm between them, a chasm of his making. So what if he’d blamed Will initially? He didn’t blame him anymore. He needed to clear the air, let them part on friendly terms. And the least he could do would be to find him a new position with another company, and give him a glowing reference.

Tomorrow. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.

The thought didn’t lessen the ache inside him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Blake pulled open the adjoining door and peered around it. Will sat at his desk, staring at his computer screen, clearly concentrating on whatever he was doing. He hadn’t even registered Blake’s presence.

“Can we talk?”

Will gave a start, his eyes widening as he caught sight of Blake. “Sorry? Did you say something?”

Blake came into the office and approached Will’s desk. “I said, can we talk?”

Will looked startled. Blake couldn’t blame him. Blake had been an automaton in their conversations the previous week, keeping things strictly business. “Sure. Here or in your office?” God, the way Will held himself so rigidly. I did that. A brief feeling of self-loathing filled him.

“My office. Why don’t you grab us both a coffee and then come on through.”

Blake couldn’t miss the hopeful expression in Will’s eyes. “Okay.”

Blake gave him a brief smile and then retreated back into his office, trying to ignore the fluttery sensation in the pit of his stomach. When Will came through bearing two mugs of coffee, Blake directed him to the sofa and then sat down next to him. Neither of them spoke for a moment or two, until Blake couldn’t take the awkward silence any more.

“Look, first of all, I—”

“Can I just say that—”

Both men regarded each other and then promptly laughed. Will waved a hand. “After you—you’re the boss.” He spoke lightly enough, but Blake noted the nervous swallowing. He’d run through this conversation so many times in his mind during the night, but now that he was actually here, words failed him momentarily. Will regarded him expectantly.

Blake looked into those warm brown eyes and finally find his courage.

“Will, I’m sorry. I had no right to shut you out the way I have done.”

Will stared incredulously at him. “No, you had every right! If it hadn’t been for me, we’d never—”

Blake silenced his words with a single finger laid gently over his lips. “Let me finish.” The words came out much softer than he’d intended. Will became very still, his gaze fixed on Blake. Blake withdrew his hand. “I admit, at first I blamed you. But I have to be honest here. I’m a coward.” Will’s eyes grew large, his lips parted. Blake smiled. “No, it’s true. I mean, look at me. I’m thirty years old and still in the closet. There are only two people in my life who know I’m gay—I don’t count the nameless guys I’ve fucked—and both those people mean a great deal to me. One is Dave Thurston, my photographer friend.” He paused and took a deep breath. “And the other is you.” He heard the hitch in Will’s breathing.

“Blake,” he breathed.

Blake held up his hand. “Still not finished here.” His eyes sparkled. “It took this last week to make me realize how much I’ve come to trust you, respect you, l-like you…” His voice caught on that last part. “I value our friendship too much to let it end like this.”

“Is it going to end, then?” Will’s face fell.

Blake’s heart sank. “I don’t see a way around this, babe.” The endearment slipped out before he could stop it. He watched it register on Will’s face. “I’ve gone over this so many times in my head. The one stumbling block is not knowing how Dad will react. If I had any indication that he’d accept my life, I’d tell Melissa where to get off.”

The hopeful light was back in Will’s eyes. “Can you be sure he’d react badly? Maybe you’ve got it wrong. Maybe—”

Blake silenced him once more with his fingers. Will’s lips were warm and silky to the touch.

“I can’t risk it. This company has been my life for the past six years. I’ve put so much of myself into it, that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing it. There’s still a hope, forlorn thought it may be, that one day he’ll look at me and say, ‘Blake, I’m so proud of you, of what you’ve achieved with Trinity. I think it’s time to share that achievement with the rest of the world.’” He felt a tear prick the corner of his eye and he wiped it away. Yeah, some hope.

Will’s eyes had never left him. “I understand, I really do. But if you do this, you’re denying a huge part of yourself. You’re going to be living a lie.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Blake’s voice rose. “Do