i f6c06dd9cf3fe221 by Unknown (100 books to read in a lifetime .txt) 📗

Peggy put her arms round Cissy and whispered into her ear, and Cissy, after listening intently, seemed to grow with new power. Her next announcement brought Annie's head up with a jerk: "Your Kate's your ma, so she is," she cried.

Denial sprang to Annie's lips, but was checked by another fear, a fear that stripped Kate of wonder and made her into a ma. Her world was suddenly topsy turvy she must get away, fly from everyone.

"I've got to go ... I must go I'm going to the lavatory," she stammered at Rosie.

"But I'll come back." And, turning, she flew down the street, around the corner, up the back lane and burst into the yard and into the lavatory. When she had shot 92 the bolt she didn't sit down, but stood with her back to the wall, her hands behind her, her bottom pressing her palms into the rough-edged bricks until she could feel the points through her woollen gloves. They said she hadn't a da; what could she do? Where was her da, then?

Should she go in and ask her grandma about it? No. Some instinct told her that it would hurt her grandma. Then, could she ask Kate? She dropped her head and stared at her shoes. A queer sense of shame, inexplicable, filled the lavatory, flowing over into the yard, the house and all the world of her knowledge. There was no place it did not penetrate. Great tears rolled down her cheeks, dropping heedlessly from her chin. She had no da; was that why her gran da didn't like her, and never called her Annie, but. that one, or that funny name that sounded like . bedstead?

But you must have a da; Jesus had given everybody das; you couldn't be borned unless you had a da. And if Kate was her ma. But her mind switched away from Kate; Kate was mixed up with something so painful that it hurt. Where was her da? She remembered Alee. No, he wasn't her da. He had been going to marry Kate, and she was glad he hadn't.

No, he couldn't be her da . Well, who was ?

She began to pray: "Oh, please Jesus, tell me who my da is." Raising her head, she looked up as if the answer would be found in the air above her, and she licked her tears, savouring their saltiness as she waited. But no answer came. It must be right, then, what they'd said, she wasn't like other girls. What could she do? Nothing!

Nothing!

In fresh despair she turned to the wall and buried her face in her hands. Through long practice, she cried quietly, and when, eventually, she stopped, she sat on the edge of the lavatory seat wondering what she could do about this dreadful shame which had come upon her; for she had no doubt but that it was a shame. Then the solution came; like a streak of dazzling light it flashed into her mind, bringing with it the remedy. Although it would be only 'making on' it would be wonderful, for shed have a da. Though her choice was already made she felt she must arrive at it by a process of elimination. She was going to 'pick' a da for herself 1 None of the other girls could do that, could they? Now, who did she know? There was Mr. Mullen, next door; he was kind and nice . but he swore awful. No, he wouldn't do; and besides he was a da eight times already. Then there was Mr. Todd, the coal man he always heaped her buckets so full she could scarcely carry them into the yard . but he spat, didn't he? Of course, it was with sitting in the middle of the coal-cart all day that made him do it but still, he spat! Then there was Patrick Delahunty, the big Irishman who had come to lodge up the street; he always stopped and spoke to her, and he sometimes gave her and Rosie a penny. Yes, he was nice, but. I Then there was the doctor 1 She shivered, and joining her hands together, pressed them between her knees. She turned her head and gazed at the wall, a hot feeling of shyness sweeping over her because of the tremendous thing she was about to do. She sat lost in contemplation of the wonder of this new existence wherein the doctor was to be her da; so lost that had she heard Tim's heavy boots coming down the yard they had ceased to be a warning to her for flight. Only when he tried to open the door and, finding it locked, shook it with such violence as to nearly wrench it off its hinges did she start up, withdraw the bolt and, pushing open the door, sidle out.

A muttered curse and a quick movement from Tim lent wings to her legs.

She was out of the yard and into the back lane in a flash. She looked about her like a startled hare. Had he been going to hit her? He put his hand to his belt . the leather belt with the big steel buckle which was part of her regular nightmare. Sometimes the buckle became a face, the face of her gran da She blinked her eyes and shook her head, as if this would dismiss it from her mind. It did; and she thought again of the beautiful, new 'make-on' game. And it wasn't all

'make-on', was it? she asked herself, for the doctor was a real person, the real lest person on earth and she loved him .