The Immortals by Mary Hallberg (chrysanthemum read aloud txt) 📗

“I did too. Thanks for dinner. And, you know, not giving me grief when I got mad at your brother.”

“I get it. You’re hurt. I know he’s my brother, but sometimes he can be...”

“Yeah, I know.”

Matt was blushing now. We stood awkwardly at the doorstep for a moment, both of us probably thinking the same thing but too scared to move one way or the other. It was more awkward than any first date I’d ever been on, but way more exciting too.

Finally, his eyes fluttered and his head dipped down toward mine. I instinctively closed my eyes and his lips touched mine and his fingers ran through my hair. My hands crept up to his neck as the kiss deepened.

His broke this kiss but his smile widened. “Good night Kenzie.”

“Good night Matt.” I slipped in the door, my heart pounding.

chapter eighteen

Back when I was just starting high school and realizing how good I was in math and science, I decided to take a psychology course. I had already decided to become a medical doctor, but I figured psychologists had to go through med school too. After spending all those years on a medical degree, what if I realized I couldn’t handle being a doctor but still wanted to do something with my degree? Or maybe I just found it interesting. Anyway, we had a segment of a chapter, not even a full one, about the development of the mind. To sum it up, it basically said the same thing adults always tell kids and teenagers when they want to do something and can’t understand why their parents keep saying no. People up into their late teens and even early 20’s are still developing the part of their brain that helps them make wise decisions and realize the consequences of their actions. That’s why teenagers do stupid things like drive too fast and get into really bad wrecks; it’s hard for them to realize how dangerous and stupid it is. Of course we know that if you speed there could be awful consequences. But it’s hard for us to realize in the moment that what they’re doing is stupid. I remember the words impulse control somewhere in there too.

I hadn’t gotten into a car wreck or anything of that magnitude. But I had done something pretty dumb. I had kissed my ex-boyfriend’s brother.

I knew Gage wouldn’t be happy. He barely talked to me at that point, and I was sure he wouldn’t talk to me anymore if he found out about this. When he found out, because I couldn’t just lie to him about this. I guess that’s one of the things that made me a bad Immortal: I’m terrible at pretending to be someone I’m not. I guess four years of high school wasn’t enough practice.

And I couldn’t help thinking about Jacey. Matt was her boyfriend for a time, and she still clearly had feelings for him. What would she think? I had done one stupid thing and potentially lost communications with two people. Three, probably; there was no way Matt would want to talk to me after what I had to say. All this time spent convincing myself I was better than that, that I was a cut above the rest of The Immortals because I was a good person. What was I thinking?

Luke talked me into doing his laundry the next day along with mine. He was surprised at how easily I agreed, but didn’t question it.

I was folding the first load when Matt came in. “Getting ready to leave?” he said.

“Yeah.” I tossed a pair of socks into my suitcase. “As soon as I finish washing clothes.”

He nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets. “So you’re almost done with school, right? Maybe you could come up here more often during the summer.”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“Well, I know. But you’ve got to miss it some. And, I don’t know...it would be nice to see you.”

I fiddled with the towel in my hand. “Matt...”

“Look, I know last night was kind of weird. But there’s something there, and we both know it.”

“Matt, there is nothing there!” I threw the towel down. “What happened last night...”

“Was stupid, I know. But Kenzie, I really like you. I never said anything because of Gage. Do you know what it was like to see you with him every day?”

I picked up a shirt and headed for the closet. No use taking this one back with me — my suitcase was almost full. “Yeah, I do. I saw him with Elizabeth last night. Why do you think I ran?”

“Then you understand how I feel.” He moved forward until he was directly behind me, his fingertips resting on my shoulders. I felt his breath on my neck and his hand on my waist. He nudged me back gently so the back of my legs were against the bed.

When he kissed me this time, it was less reluctant. I stopped to catch a breath, but then kissed him back. His hands traveled down my waist and I once again ran my hands through his hair. When we finally broke apart, his lips brushed my neck.

“Matt...” I whispered.

He looked up. “What is it?”

“We can’t do, this, Matt.”

He stepped away. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. Whatever this is that’s happening, it has to stop. It’s not fair to Gage, and it’s certainly not fair to you.”

“Not fair to me? Really? Kenzie, do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do this? How much I’ve wanted it?”

“I get it, Matt. But I can’t do this to you. I can’t lead you on.”

“Lead me on? So you can really look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t have any feelings for me?”

“Yeah, I do,” I said. “Or I did. But only because I couldn’t have you. At least I thought I couldn’t.”

I saw his face