Unspoken: A story of secrets, love and revenge by T. Belshaw (best reads of all time .TXT) 📗

a bit emotional. I had just read an article in Woman’s Own about a woman who had suffered fourteen miscarriages and had been unable to adopt because she couldn’t afford the agency fees.

I felt so sorry for that woman. She had been trying for a child for over fifteen years without success and there was I, five months’ pregnant after one drunken fumble in the long grass. It didn’t seem fair.

As I sat snuffling in my chair, Frank came in from a visit to the outside toilet.

‘What’s wrong, Alice?’ he asked.

‘Oh, nothing, I’ve just been reading about a poor woman who can’t have children and there’s me, who didn’t want one…’

I began to sob, uncontrollably.

Frank walked slowly round to my side of the table, crouched down at the side of me and gently took my shaking hand in his. It was rough, calloused and weather worn, but it felt so reassuring that I turned to him and threw my arms around his neck. He held me close while I sobbed, my head on his chest.

‘There, there, Alice. You can’t hold yourself responsible for everyone who is having a bad time. It happens, it’s life, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. All right, that poor woman would swap places with you in an instant, but would you really swap places with her?’ He stroked my hair and held me tighter with his free arm. I pulled my head away from his chest and looked up at him through bleary eyes. My face red and wet.

‘I don’t want this baby, Frank. I’d give it away now if I could.’

I half expected a lecture on his paternal rights but it didn’t come. Instead, he made soothing noises and assured me that when the baby finally arrived, I would love it unconditionally.

‘I know this to be true, because my mother was in exactly the same position as you at a very young age. She felt scared and uncertain about her future too. She had the opportunity to be rid of me at an early stage, but she didn’t take it. She gave birth to me and she loved me. You’ll do likewise. It’s what mothers do.’

At nine o’clock, Frank kissed the top of my head, said goodnight and went to his bed. I trudged upstairs to mine but at half past nine I came back down and tapped softly on the door of the parlour.

Frank opened it, squinting into the light of the kitchen.

‘I don’t want to be alone tonight,’ I said, quietly.

Frank followed me across the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. I got into what used to be my parents’ bed and Frank lay down on the covers alongside. He held out his arms, then wrapped them around me as I snuggled into his chest.

When I woke up in the morning, he was gone.

Chapter 33

Calvin

As soon as Jess closed the door, Calvin headed for the bathroom. An hour later he felt he was looking and smelling good enough to charm the knickers off a nun.

He dressed in jeans, a white tailored shirt and a navy suit jacket, then he reached into the dark recess of the built-in wardrobe to retrieve his secret pack of ribbed condoms. He shoved three into the pocket of his jacket then, on reflection, added another just in case the night was as wild as he hoped it would be.

As he left the bedroom he blew into his cupped hand and sniffed at it, as was his custom before any date. Frowning, he went back into the bathroom and swilled out his mouth with Corsodyl. He checked his breath again, then his watch. He was too early. He couldn’t really rock up at Tania’s at six o’clock. He would look far too eager, even needy.

Calvin decided to drive to the Wine Cellar, in town, and take his time choosing which bottle he would treat her to. He was a regular customer in the store and he and the owner could talk for hours about different wines, regions and vintages. He wouldn’t need to spend hours talking tonight. One would suffice.

He settled on a couple of bottles of Blackbook Chardonnay, sold at a very reasonable twenty pounds a bottle. He thanked the shop owner for his advice, and left to walk the short distance to Tania’s flat.

Calvin was about to press the doorbell when the door flew open and a scraggy haired man with three days’ worth of stubble, almost fell out into the street. Behind him, with a look of fury on her face, was Tania. She was dressed in her customary men’s shirt and white knickers.

‘Don’t show your face round here again,’ she screamed.

The man turned his head to Calvin as he hurried away.

‘Don’t go in there, mate, it isn’t safe.’

Tania threw a V sign after the retreating figure, then stared at Calvin with a surprised look on her face.

‘What the fuck do you want?’

Calvin tried to hide his annoyance. How could she forget?

‘We had a date?’

‘Oh shit, so we did,’ replied Tania.

Calvin wasn’t impressed. ‘I think I’d better go,’ he said, grumpily.

‘No, it’s all right,’ said Tania, recovering her poise and looking at the labelled carrier that Calvin was holding. ‘Is that wine I see before me?’

‘It was,’ said Calvin, turning away.

‘Oh, don’t sulk, Calvin, life’s too short,’ said Tania, breezily. She looked up and down the street to ensure no one was in sight, then undid the two buttons of her shirt that were holding it together.

‘Calvin,’ she purred, opening the shirt.

Calvin turned around, blew out his cheeks and stepped smartly into the lobby of her flat.

Tania laughed. ‘Men. You’re so easily won over,’ she said.

Chapter 34

Jess

At nine-thirty, Jess helped Alice get ready for bed. She brought in a bowl of hot water, soap, a flannel and towel and sat them on the overbed table that had been sent with her hospital style bed.

She helped Alice strip down to her underwear, then sat on the sofa