My Fake Husband by Black, L. (lightest ebook reader .TXT) 📗

“You don’t know how to upload anything to YouTube,” she said.

“Or do I?” I teased. “I’ll buy you drinks, get you to loosen up, then I’ll start filming—”

“Is that what the creepy Girls Gone Wild people used to do on spring break? Pass out Jell-o shots and video release forms?”

“I thought you were a sour whiskey girl, but, babe, if you want Jell-O shots, I’ll find you some.”

“I don’t want Jell-O shots. I’m talking about you skipping out at the last second to stay at home like a good little wifey,” she said.

“I’m not a good little wifey,” I protested. “But I do wanna take my best friends out and have some fun. We all deserve it, plus I owe you enough sangria to float a barge after y’all helped me clean up that water damage.”

“You’re right. A bucket load of sangria for starters, and some tacos. I want tacos.”

“It’s a deal,” I said. “So how’s work?”

“Well, Max Shaffer was just in here with his little girl checking out the new books in the kids’ section.”

“I thought he was a total hermit.”

“I don’t think so. He brings his kid in every week, and sometimes they come to storytime on Tuesday nights.”

“So he just, what, lumberjacks and reads with his daughter? Why have the women of Rockford Falls not formed a torch-bearing mob and stormed his cabin? He’s not hard on the eyes from what I’ve seen.”

“If seeing him reading to his little girl, sitting on one of those rainbow cushions in the kids’ section doesn’t jump start your ovaries, you ain’t paying attention,” Michelle laughed. “All I’m saying is if a man like that’s sleeping alone, it’s cause he wants to.”

“Any other eligible bachelors hanging out at the library? I’ll be divorced in a few months and I want to get the lay of the land here.”

“Right. Because you’re not going to pine after Damon forever? Please. I would not waste a perfectly eligible lumberjack on you, not when you’re in love with your husband.”

“Humor me. Let’s act like I’ll recover from the planned divorce like a healthy person who’s not obsessed with Damon, okay?”

“Fine, well, there’s Drew and Noah. We don’t have a ton of single men around town in case you didn’t notice, babe.”

“Noah’s a builder, right?”

“Yes. Do you never pay attention?”

“Nope, I’m all about my shop, you know that. And a boatload of sangria now. He builds stuff, that’d be handy to have around if something breaks around here and needs fixing. A man with skills,” I said half-heartedly.

“I’m sure he’d love to be pursued for his handyman ability,” she said wryly.

“Okay, then I’m screwed because Drew is off the books,” I said.

Michelle hesitated for a moment, then said, “why?”

I laughed. “You know why,” I told her. “You two have too much damn history.”

“History, schmistory,” she said.

“Michelle. I’m not going to go after your ex,” I said firmly.

“Probably a good thing. He’d just break your heart anyway,” she said.

I didn’t want to bring her down by talking about how Drew had hurt her, so I changed the subject.

“So, what does Noah check out when he comes in?”

“Kid books. Not macho stuff like Damon does. That man’s a book-reading machine. Oh, hey, tell your husband I got in the books he ordered. They just came in this afternoon. A bio on Jack Pritchard he’s been waiting for.”

“Who?”

“Engine 255? The guy that took major burns to save that baby whose crib was on fire? He was only the most decorated FDNY fireman in history. Maybe you should hang out at the library and read more, huh?” she teased.

“So he reads about daring firefighters?”

“He reads about all kinds of stuff. Since you live with him, I figured you knew that. You could come to the book club sometime, you know?”

“You’ve been trying to recruit me for ages. What am I supposed to be reading this month?”

“The Iliad.”

“Trojan horse? Helen and Paris? I know the story.”

“Please do not show up and say ‘Trojan horse, Helen and Paris, got it’ at the meeting. I kind of like people to read the actual book before trying to discuss it,” Michelle said.

“You are a book snob.”

“You are practically a nonreader, but I love you anyway. Mainly because you’re buying me drinks tonight. You’re not canceling.”

“That’s right. I’m not,” I said, and hung up.

I was excited to go out with my friends. I just knew that in my heart I’d rather hang out on the couch watching eighties flicks with my fake husband. I’d even bought gummy bears for our next film festival because he loved them. It was kind of pathetic that I knew that and hoped seeing gummy bears by the remote would make him think of me and want to watch something together. I was relying on gummy bears to get a man’s attention. It may have crossed over into pathetic territory. I was afraid to talk to him and get brushed off about the kiss, but I also longed to spend time with him. It was so, so bad.

18 Damon

I was called back to work early despite my suspension with two guys out with the flu. I was taking on shifts left and right because the other guys had kids at home. Sure, I could say no when the chief asked if I could cover another double, but when I knew Tyler had a new baby at home, and when Ryan’s daughter had her third birthday party… I couldn’t turn it down. Not when they are as good as brothers to me, and the best gift I could give Poppy, Ryan’s little girl, was to let her have her daddy there when she blew out her candles. So the difference between him missing out on a milestone with his kid and me missing out on the plan to watch Beverly Hills Cop 1 and 2 with my pretend wife wasn’t really comparable.

Flu season had come early and was kicking ass this year. I had heard