An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser (librera reader txt) š
- Author: Theodore Dreiser
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āOh, big wheel ro-a-lināā āā ā¦ hmp!
Oh, big wheel ro-a-lināā āā ā¦ hmp!
Oh, big wheel ro-a-lināā āā ā¦ hmp!
Foh me! Foh me!ā
And then Clyde, unable to get away from his own thoughts, turning again.
Condemned to die! He. And this was the end as to Sondra. He could feel it. Farewell. āAlthough she is never to see you again.ā He threw himself on his couchā ānot to weep but to restā āhe felt so weary. Lycurgus. Fourth Lake. Bear Lake. Laughterā ākissesā āsmiles. What was to have been in the fall of the preceding year. And nowā āa year later.
But thenā āthat young Jew. There was some religious chant into which he fell when his mental tortures would no longer endure silence. And oh, how sad. Many of the prisoners had cried out against it. And yet, oh, how appropriate now, somehow.
āI have been evil. I have been unkind. I have lied. Oh! Oh! Oh! I have been unfaithful. My heart has been wicked. I have joined with those who have done evil things. Oh! Oh! Oh! I have stolen. I have been false. I have been cruel! Oh! Oh! Oh!ā
And the voice of Big Tom Rooney sentenced for killing Thomas Tighe, a rival for the hand of an underworld girl. āFor Christās sake! I know you feel bad. But so do I. Oh, for Godās sake, donāt do that!ā
Clyde, on his cot, his thoughts responding rhythmically to the chant of the Jewā āand joining with him silentlyā āāI have been evil. I have been unkind. I have lied. Oh! Oh! Oh! I have been unfaithful. My heart has been wicked. I have joined with those who have done evil things. Oh! Oh! Oh! I have been false. I have been cruel. I have sought to murder. Oh! Oh! Oh! And for what? A vainā āimpossible dream! Oh! Oh! Oh!ā āā ā¦ Oh! Oh! Oh!ā āā ā¦ā
When the guard, an hour later, placed his supper on the shelf in the door, he made no move. Food! And when the guard returned in another thirty minutes, there it was, still untouched, as was the Jewāsā āand was taken away in silence. Guards knew when blue devils had seized the inmates of these cages. They couldnāt eat. And there were times, too, when even guards couldnāt eat.
XXXIIIThe depression resulting even after two days was apparent to the Reverend McMillan, who was concerned to know why. More recently, he had been led to believe by Clydeās manner, his visits, if not the fact that the totality of his preachments, had not been greeted with as much warmth as he would have liked, that by degrees Clyde was being won to his own spiritual viewpoint. With no little success, as it had seemed to him, he had counseled Clyde as to the folly of depression and despair. āWhat! Was not the peace of God within his grasp and for the asking. To one who sought God and found Him, as he surely would, if he sought, there could be no sorrow, but only joy. āHereby know we that we dwell in Him, and He in us, because He hath given us of His spirit.āāā So he preached or readā āuntil finallyā ātwo weeks after receiving the letter from Sondra and because of the deep depression into which he had sunk on account of it, Clyde was finally moved to request of him that he try to induce the warden to allow him to be taken to some other cell or room apart from this room or cell which seemed to Clyde to be filled with too many of his tortured thoughts, in order that he might talk with him and get his advice. As he told the Reverend McMillan, he did not appear to be able to solve his true responsibility in connection with all that had so recently occurred in his life, and because of which he seemed not to be able to find that peace of mind of which McMillan talked so much. Perhapsā āā ā¦ āthere must be something wrong with his viewpoint. Actually he would like to go over the offense of which he was convicted and see if there was anything wrong in his understanding of it. He was not so sure now. And McMillan, greatly stirredā āan enormous spiritual triumph, thisā āas he saw itā āthe true reward of faith and prayer, at once proceeding to the warden, who was glad enough to be of service in such a cause. And he permitted the use of one of the cells in the old death house for as long as he should require, and with no guard between himself and Clydeā āone only remaining in the general hall outside.
And there Clyde began the story of his relations with Roberta and Sondra. Yet because of all that had been set forth at the trial, merely referring to most of the evidenceā āapart from his defenseā āthe change of heart, as so; afterwards dwelling more particularly on the fatal adventure with Roberta in the boat. Did the Reverend McMillanā ābecause of the original plottingā āand hence the original intentā āthink him guilty?ā āespecially in view of his obsession over Sondraā āall his dreams in regard to herā ādid that truly constitute murder? He was asking this because, as he said, it was as he had doneā ānot as his testimony at the trial had indicated that he had done. It was a lie that he had experienced a change of heart. His attorneys had counseled that defense as best, since they did not feel that he was guilty, and had thought that plan the quickest route to liberty. But it was a lie. In connection with his mental state also there in the boat, before and after her rising and attempting to come to himā āand that blow, and afterā āhe had not told the truth
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