The Wrath Walker (The Wrath Series Book 1) by Matthew Newson (fun to read .txt) 📗

how I was raised, as much as I hate to admit that. If my dad hadn’t filled my head with always doing the right thing, no matter what, I would have sat back and waited to see what happened.”

“So, you did the right thing, and now you regret it. You’re blaming your dad to deal with your feelings of regret.”

As much as I hated to admit it, that’s exactly what I was doing. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” I looked away from him.

“And now, you’re beating yourself up about warning the guy, wanting him dead, and being mad at your dad.”

I nodded. “Right again, Pastor Phillip.”

“You have all of these conflicting emotions pent up inside literally eating you alive. You don’t sleep very well at night, do you?”

“No. Something tells me, I’m not the first one you’ve talked to that has had this kind of problem.”

“That’s what I thought, Brandon, and it’s a big church with a lot of people who have problems like you. Anyway, you don’t sleep well because you’re being eaten alive by guilt over things from your past. Some were out of your control, while others were very much your fault, but that’s life. You have to forgive yourself and ask God to forgive you for your sins as well. It’s clear to me that God is pursuing you, and that is why you’re so conflicted about everything.”

“You’re probably right,” I said, knowing full well that he had hit the nail on the head. “But I don’t deserve forgiveness.”

“None of us do. Our righteousness is like filthy rags compared to his, but that is why Jesus shed his blood, to make us worthy.”

I was quiet for a moment as his words sunk in, but I couldn’t receive what he had to say.

“Have you tried talking to God lately, Brandon?”

I quickly changed the subject. All the God talk started to go too deep for me, and only made me feel worse. I started talking about an even worse topic without realizing it.

“I saw Lizzie’s fiancé at the restaurant today too.”

“You saw Scott? He’s a nice guy. I’m officiating their wedding next year.”

I released a breath that sounded like someone had just punched me in the gut, and in a way, I had been. It seemed like the universe was determined to make me suffer for however much time I had left in the world.

“Great. Tell me, do they still do the objection part in the ceremony?”

“That’s not really done anymore, and I take it you’re still not fully over Elizabeth.”

“No, I’m great. Totally good. What gave you that idea?”

“That’s just another hurt in your life that you need to give over to God, Brandon. You have to let God heal your broken heart.”

“Look Phillip, I get that since you’re a pastor, your go-to line has to be let go and let God. But when I needed God, he wasn’t there for me. I can honestly say, he’s not here for me now. I’m not a little kid, so can you please spare me the God will make everything okay if you just believe that he will speech.” My anger bubbled up to the surface for Phillip to see.

“If you knew what I was going to say, why did you come see me today?”

His voice was calm. He never seemed to be fazed by people when they displayed emotion. I chalked that up to years of being a pastor and counseling numerous people in the church. I’m sure he’d seen about everything over the years.

“That’s a fair question, and I’m sorry for getting angry, Phillip. I’m not mad at you. I came by today because I needed someone to talk to with about everything that’s been going on. Things have been so bad for so long, it’s like it’s one crushing blow after another after another. I’d thought I might be able to turn my losing streak around.” I held back some tears that wanted to come. “Whatever we talk about stays between us, right?”

“Of course, Brandon. I will never tell anyone anything you share with me.”

“Right. Thank you. Well, I thought if I could catch Ron’s killer that maybe it would change how people in this city see me, including Elizabeth. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, she would see that I am still the same guy she fell in love with and wanted to marry.”

“You two were going to get married?”

“Yes, but she told me that if she would have married me, she wouldn’t have been able to live with herself. I mean, who says that to someone? I wasn’t perfect, but I was never bad to her.” The tears I desperately tried to hold back filled my eyes. I quickly dried them and continued before Phillip could offer me a tissue or tried to come around his desk for a man hug. “I didn’t say that to you to make you feel bad about doing their wedding. I think if they want you to do it then you should do it. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“Thank you for saying that, and I hate to see you torn up like this, Brandon, I really do. But listen to me when I say, this too shall pass.”

“What?”

“My mother use to say that to me when I was a young man. You see, I wasn’t always a pastor. I used to have a regular job at the old airbrake plant a couple of towns over. One day, I made a mistake on the floor, and got a lot of people hurt. I was immediately fired, and many of my friends who worked at the plant all stopped talking to me. After that, no one in the town would hire me, and the girl I was dating ended it with me. Is any of this starting to sound familiar?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, things got so bad for me I had to move back in with my mom. Can you believe that a grown man in his early twenties having to