Deceptive Truth: Cowboy Justice Association (Serials and Stalkers Book 4) by Olivia Jaymes (psychology books to read .TXT) 📗

proclaimed that he's changed. In fact, he's rather proud of being an asshole. He thinks he's just fine and everyone else around him is in the wrong." She hesitated for a moment, not sure if she should continue. But why not? She'd already told Knox deeply intimate things about herself. What was a few more? "I used to think that there was something wrong with me. After all, if my own dad couldn't love me then I must not be lovable, right? I just couldn't understand what I'd done wrong. Tom and Anita eventually sent me to a therapist who helped me understand that I hadn't done anything. It was him. I was lovable and loved. It was a huge revelation for me."

He gave her a lopsided grin. "Are you worried that I don't think I'm lovable, Jenna? That I think that there's something wrong with me? Never fear, I don't. I've known for a very long time that my family is fucking dysfunctional and that my parents suck. And I didn't need to talk to a therapist to come to that conclusion."

Whenever she got too close, he'd lash out. Even if he did it with a smile.

"Are you saying that therapy is dumb? Because I think it can help a lot of people. It might help you."

"How? What help do I need?"

She sat back in the booth, her fingers idly playing with her fork. "For one thing, you seem to think that having a shitty family is an important part of your identity. It seems to define who you are and I also think that you don't like having to share that. You want only you to have had a crappy childhood. That's why you minimize my childhood."

He was already shaking his head before she'd finished speaking. "I don't minimize it. You do. You admit that you were basically saved by Tom and Anita. You had an escape hatch to a better life. I didn't. I only had me to depend on."

"So that makes you better?"

"I'm not falling for that."

She laughed and shook her head. "You're just not saying it out loud, but I'd bet that I'm right about what you're thinking about inside."

"You don't know what I think about. All I'm saying is that I don't think you can truly understand my life."

Gobsmacked. It was the only word that she could think of that summed up this situation as well as it did.

"What an incredibly sad, lonely, and assholish thing to say," Jenna shot back. She wasn't angry with Knox. He hadn't hurt her by what he'd said. If anything, he was only hurting himself by not letting people in. "This is actually quite fascinating in a psychological way. For some people, having crappy parents makes them doubt themselves. In your case, it's made you an arrogant douchebag because you think you've survived something that no one else has. News flash. You're deluding yourself. But don't listen to me. After all, I could never understand."

Knox threw up his hands in frustration. "What is it that you want from me? You want me to be sad and have shitty self-esteem? Because it sounds like it. I just don't let my craptastic family get to me. I see them as little as possible and live my life. End of story."

"Fine. End of story. Let's drop the subject."

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Don't get that way, okay? We just look at the situation differently. That's it."

Jenna stared down at the table, her appetite completely gone. "I just wanted you to know that you're not alone."

"I don't mind being alone. I like it. I prefer it."

She looked up at him then, tears burning the backs of her eyes. He appeared to be confident in what he was saying. He believed it. So she needed to as well.

"I promise I won't intrude on that then. I'll leave you to it."

"Listen, we're not a couple–"

She held up her hand. "You're right. We're not, and it's probably for the best."

"I think that it is."

"Fine."

"Good."

But it was still sort of sad. She didn't like to think of Knox all alone. He said that he wanted it that way.

Was he sure? She'd have to take his word for it.

Stop reaching out. Stop letting him into her heart.

He wasn't interested. And that wasn't going to change. She should feel glad that she'd figured it out before falling completely head over heels for him.

Why do I feel so crappy then?

14

The rest of their lunch was awkward. Knox had changed the subject and was trying to pretend that their conversation had never happened. Jenna wasn't the type to sweep disagreements under the rug. She would have preferred to talk it out but he clearly didn't want to so instead she shut her mouth, only giving him the bare minimum of responses. He might be over it but it was going to take her a little longer.

She was beginning to think that perhaps her feelings for Knox ran deeper than she'd originally believed. They hadn't known each other long. Not really. But there was something about him that drew her in, like a moth to a flame.

It wasn't his dazzling looks, although that didn't hurt. It wasn't that he was a fantastic conversationalist or brilliant or amazingly funny. It wasn't that he was the best of the best at any of those things. He wasn't. He was sweet and kind, sharp-witted and he made her giggle. He made her want to spend more time