Mr. Monk and the Two Assistants by Goldberg, Lee (ready player one ebook .TXT) 📗

that Webster drives a Buick Lucerne and it’s not in the parking lot,” Stottlemeyer said. “I have a couple of patrol cars checking the cars in the neighborhood just in case.”

“If he didn’t drive,” Monk said, “how did he get here?”

“If this turns out to be a murder,” Stottlemeyer said, “we’ll call the taxi companies and talk with the bus drivers on the local lines to see if anybody remembers seeing him.”

“This is a popular make-out spot at night,” Disher said. “Maybe Webster came with a special friend for a late-night skinny-dip.”

Monk shuddered at the thought but pressed on. “Were there any cars left overnight in the lot?”

“No,” Disher said. “But maybe the friend lives nearby and they walked over.”

“Or the special friend parked on the street,” Stottlemeyer said. “But since we don’t know who this person is, or what car we’re looking for, all we can do is take down a couple of hundred license-plate numbers from cars parked in the area and work backward. That’s a lot of man-hours and I’m not ready to authorize that yet, not when I don’t know if a crime has even been committed.”

“If Ronald Webster came with a friend,” Monk said, “where is that friend now?”

“Perhaps that body hasn’t washed up yet,” Disher said.

“What about the friend’s clothes?” Monk asked.

Disher shrugged. “They could have been washed away by the tide.”

Monk rolled his head and his shoulders, as if trying to work out a kink. I knew what that kink was. There were too many could-haves, maybes and what-ifs. He hated could-haves, maybes and what-ifs.

“What’s your preliminary determination on the cause of death?” Monk asked Dr. Hetzer.

The medical examiner turned the victim faceup in the water. Webster was a young man, but his hair was flecked with gray. His face was spared the brutal ravages that had been done to his body.

“Unofficially, I’d say drowning,” Dr. Hetzer said. “These wounds are bad, but they don’t appear to be fatal.”

“What did that to him?” I asked. “Was it a shark?”

Dr. Hetzer shook his head. “I don’t think so. The curvature of the bite and the amount of flesh torn away isn’t consistent with a shark attack. The bite parameter is narrow and long, which suggests that whatever creature did this has a muzzle or snout.”

“A wild boar,” Disher said.

“There aren’t any boars in the Presidio,” Stottlemeyer said.

“A ravenous wolf,” Disher said.

“They move in packs and they would have torn him apart,” Stottlemeyer said. “There’s too much of him left.”

“A vicious dog,” Disher said.

“A dog would have gone for the throat,” Dr. Hetzer said, “not the midsection.”

“A mighty seal,” Disher said.

“The bite isn’t consistent with a seal,” Dr. Hetzer said, “mighty or otherwise.”

“A gigantic clam,” Disher said.

Everyone gave Disher a look. He shifted his weight.

“Do you realize how large a clam would have to be to attack a human being?” Stottlemeyer said.

“The depths of the sea are still a great mystery to mankind, ” Disher said.

“Is that so?” Stottlemeyer said.

“It’s the last unexplored frontier on earth,” Disher said. “I read that they recently discovered an entirely new species of octopus that’s blind and glows in the dark.”

“Maybe the octopus did it,” Stottlemeyer said.

“It’s possible,” Disher said.

“No, it’s not,” Stottlemeyer said and turned to Monk. “What do you think did this?”

“It’s obvious,” Monk said.

“It is?” I said.

Monk nodded. “This man was attacked by an alligator.”

It wasn’t the strangest declaration Monk had ever made, but it was definitely among the top five.

“I see.” Stottlemeyer stared at Monk for a long moment, then turned back to Disher. “Tell me more about that octopus.”

“It wasn’t an octopus or any other creature,” Monk said. “This man was definitely bitten by an alligator.”

“You’re aware that alligators don’t live in the ocean,” Dr. Hetzer said.

“Yes,” Monk said.

“And that alligators aren’t indigenous to San Francisco, ” Dr. Hetzer said.

“Yes,” Monk said.

"Then how can you presume that an alligator did this?” Dr. Hetzer asked.

“The shape of the bite and the punctures left by the teeth,” Monk said. “They are all the same.”

Dr. Hetzer leaned closer to the victim and examined the wound. “I’ll be damned.”

You hear those words a lot when you’re around Adrian Monk, especially at a crime scene.

“Unlike the teeth of other creatures, which have different sizes, shapes and functions, alligator teeth are identical, ” Monk said. “That’s because they use their teeth primarily to grasp their prey.”

“Why do you know that?” Stottlemeyer said.

The answer was obvious, at least to me. “Because there’s no differences between the teeth.”

“It’s called uniform dentition,” Monk said, “or, in a word, perfection. I’d love to have teeth like that.”

“I suppose that an alligator could be responsible for these wounds,” Dr. Hetzer said. “Alligators don’t rip apart their prey. They grab them, twist them and hold them underwater until they drown. That’s consistent with the injuries we see here and the probable cause of death. But so are a lot of other explanations.”

“Like wild boars,” Disher said, “or a gigantic clam.”

Stottlemeyer grimaced and rubbed his temples with his thumbs. “So is this a case for homicide or animal control, Doc?”

“Ask me tomorrow,” Dr. Hetzer said. “I won’t have any definitive answers for you until I complete my autopsy.”

“Call animal control anyway, Randy,” Stottlemeyer said. “See if they’ve heard anything about someone losing a pet alligator. Maybe ask a few of the neighbors if some poodles and cats have started disappearing around here.”

“I’ll ask animal control about boars, too,” Disher said, making a note to himself.

“You do that,” Stottlemeyer said wearily. “Don’t forget to mention the giant clam and the octopus while you’re at it.”

“Shouldn’t I ask a marine biologist those questions?”

“I wasn’t serious about the clam and