Sonnets from the Portuguese - Elizabeth Barrett Browning (macos ebook reader txt) 📗

betwixt the languid ringlets blown
A life-breath, till the forehead hopefully
Shines out again, as all the angels see,
Before thy saving kiss! My own, my own,
Who camest to me when the world was gone,
And I who looked for only God, found thee!
I find thee: I am safe, and strong, and glad.
As one who stands in dewless asphodel
Looks backward on the tedious time he had
In the upper life⁠—so I, with bosom-swell,
Make witness, here, between the good and bad,
That Love, as strong as Death, retrieves as well. XXVIII

My letters! all dead paper, mute and white!
And yet they seem alive and quivering
Against my tremulous hands which loose the string
And let them drop down on my knee tonight.
This said, he wished to have me in his sight
Once, as a friend; this fixed a day in spring
To come and touch my hand⁠—a simple thing,
Yet I wept for it!⁠—this⁠—the paper’s light⁠—
Said, Dear, I love thee; and I sank and quailed
As if God’s future thundered on my past.
This said I am thine⁠—and so its ink has paled
With lying at my heart that beat too fast;
And this⁠—O Love, thy words have ill availed,
If what this said I dared repeat at last!

XXIX

I think of thee!⁠—my thoughts do twine and bud
About thee, as wild vines about a tree
Put out broad leaves, and soon there’s nought to see
Except the straggling green which hides the wood.
Yet, O my palm-tree, be it understood
I will not have my thoughts instead of thee
Who art dearer, better! Rather, instantly
Renew thy presence; as a strong tree should,
Rustle thy boughs and set thy trunk all bare,
And let these bands of greenery which insphere thee
Drop heavily down⁠—burst, shattered, everywhere!
Because, in this deep joy to see and hear thee
And breathe within thy shadow a new air,
I do not think of thee⁠—I am too near thee.

XXX

I see thine image through my tears tonight,
And yet today I saw thee smiling. How
Refer the cause?⁠—Beloved, is it thou
Or I who makes me sad? The acolyte
Amid the chanted joy and thankful rite
May so fall flat, with pale insensate brow,
On the altar-stair. I hear thy voice and vow
Perplexed, uncertain, since thou art out of sight,
As he, in his swooning ears, the choir’s amen.
Beloved, dost thou love? or did I see all
The glory as I dreamed, and fainted when
Too vehement light dilated my ideal
For my soul’s eyes? Will that light come again
As now these tears come⁠—falling hot and real?

XXXI

Thou comest! all is said without a word.
I sit beneath thy looks, as children do
In the noon-sun, with souls that tremble through
Their happy eyelids from an unaverred
Yet prodigal inward joy. Behold, I erred
In that last doubt! and yet I cannot rue
The sin most, but the occasion⁠—that we two
Should for a moment stand unministered
By a mutual presence. Ah, keep near and close,
Thou dove-like help! and when my fears would rise,
With thy broad heart serenely interpose:
Brood down with thy divine sufficiencies
These thoughts which tremble when bereft of those,
Like callow birds left desert to the skies.

XXXII

The first time that the sun rose on thine oath
To love me, I looked forward to the moon
To slacken all those bonds which seemed too soon
And quickly tied to make a lasting troth.
Quick-loving hearts, I thought, may quickly loathe;
And, looking on myself, I seemed not one
For such man’s love!⁠—more like an out-of-tune
Worn viol, a good singer would be wroth
To spoil his song with, and which, snatched in haste,
Is laid down at the first ill-sounding note.
I did not wrong myself so, but I placed
A wrong on thee. For perfect strains may float
’Neath master-hands, from instruments defaced⁠—
And great souls, at one stroke, may do and dote.

XXXIII

Yes, call me by my pet name! let me hear
The name I used to run at, when a child,
From innocent play, and leave the cowslips plied,
To glance up in some face that proved me dear
With the look of its eyes. I miss the clear
Fond voices, which, being drawn and reconciled
Into the music of Heaven’s undefiled,
Call me no longer. Silence on the bier
While I call God⁠—call God!⁠—so let thy mouth
Be heir to those who are now exanimate;
Gather the north flowers to complete the south,
And catch the early love up in the late!
Yes, call me by that name⁠—and I, in truth,
With the same heart, will answer and not wait.

XXXIV

With the same heart, I said, I’ll answer thee
As those, when thou shalt call me by my name⁠—
Lo, the vain promise! Is the same, the same,
Perplexed and ruffled by life’s strategy?
When called before, I told how hastily
I dropped my flowers or brake off from a game.
To run and answer with the smile that came
At play last moment, and went on with me
Through my obedience. When I answer now,
I drop a grave thought⁠—break from solitude;⁠—
Yet still my heart goes to thee⁠—ponder how⁠—
Not as to a single good, but all my good!
Lay thy hand on it, best one, and allow
That no child’s foot could run fast as this blood.

XXXV

If I leave all for thee, wilt thou exchange
And be all to me? Shall I never miss
Home-talk and blessing and the common kiss
That comes to each in turn, nor count it strange,
When I look up, to drop on a new range
Of walls and floors, another home than this?
Nay, wilt thou fill that place by me which is
Filled by dead eyes too tender to know change?
That’s hardest! If to conquer love has tried,
To conquer grief tries more, as all things prove;
For grief indeed is love and grief beside.
Alas, I have grieved so I am hard to love⁠—
Yet love me⁠—wilt thou? Open thy heart wide
And fold within, the wet wings of thy dove.

XXXVI

When we met first and loved, I did not build
Upon the event with marble. Could it mean
To last, a love set pendulous between
Sorrow and sorrow? Nay, I rather thrilled,
Distrusting every light that seemed to gild
The onward path, and feared to overlean
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