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have morals and standards. I can’t believe I slept with him.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit overdramatic?”

“Not really. Maybe.” Harlem stood, hoping to release her nervous energy. Then, immediately sat back down. “I’m kind of freaking out,” she whispered as if she weren’t alone.

“I can hear that.” Mesha took her time before speaking again. She wanted to make sure that she chose her words carefully. “Carter has really been there for you with Damian and during your pregnancy. I’ve come to see him as a pretty solid guy. I can understand how you two would grow close.”

“I feel so guilty,” Harlem spoke into the darkness. “Like I’m cheating or something.”

“That’s nonsense. You would never cheat on Damian.” Mesha paused. “Let me ask you something. Don’t you think Damian had an inkling that there could be something between you and Carter?”

“No. Why would Damian think that?”

Mesha didn’t miss the way Harlem kept speaking of him in the present tense. “Harlem,” she said gently. “Damian almost said as much in his letter.”

Harlem was quiet as she thought about it.

“He would want you to be happy. If being with Carter would make you happy, I think he would be all for it.”

Harlem’s brain was spinning. “You don’t think it’s weird?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think, or anyone else for that matter. How does Carter make you feel?”

Harlem didn’t say anything at first. She blew out a long exaggerated breath. “Mesh, before I answer that, I have a confession.”

“Okay. I’m listening.”

“I couldn’t have slept with Carter if I loved Damian the way I was supposed to. I wasn’t in love with him.”

It was Mesha’s turn for full transparency. “Can I be honest?”

“Yes, of course.”

“I already knew that.”

“What?” Harlem was more than surprised. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve known you for more than half my life. I knew.” Mesha said more firmly. “I know you.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“You had your mind made up about the perfect life, and on paper Damian was your perfect man. I knew that he wasn’t, and I was pretty sure deep down you did too.”

They both remained quiet. Harlem sighed heavily. “How did you know?”

“Damian never put that sparkle in your eyes, and you never got that look when you talked about him. Every woman who is in love has it. I felt like Damian was something on your list that you could check off.”

“And you never said anything?” Harlem asked.

“What was I supposed to say? I don’t think it would have made a difference. Sometimes we have to find our own way. You have to find yours. I hate that it took Damian’s death to free you from that idea of the perfect life. Nothing is perfect. Sometimes things are downright messy.”

Harlem closed her burning eyes and massaged her temples. “Carter scares me.”

“That is supposed to happen when two people fall-in-love.” Mesha smiled inwardly.

“I didn’t say all that.”

Mesha recognized the signs but again decided to keep her mouth shut. “What are you going to do about it?”

Harlem blew out a breath. “I don’t know. I should probably make a list and jot down the pros on one side and cons on the other.”

“You and those damn lists!” Mesha wanted to shake her. “Girl, how does Carter make you feel?”

Harlem searched for the right words. “He makes my heart race.”

“That’s good.”

“He gives me hella butterflies.”

“Okay. What else?”

“He can look at me in a way that makes me feel as if nothing in the world is more important than I am, and it makes me want to melt.”

Mesha was happy for her friend. Harlem was definitely falling-in-love. “Aww . . . that’s a good thing, Harlem. Don’t run from it.”

“What will our friends think?”

“Who cares? You have never lived your life based on what others think. Don’t start now.”

“That’s true. I guess I’m just nervous.”

“Can you tell me what I really want to know?”

“What’s that?”

“Was the sex good?” Mesha giggled.

Harlem’s eyes rolled into the back of her head at the thought. “So good.” After talking it out with Mesha, Harlem felt a little lighter.

“Damn, girl. If Carter has you sounding like this, I say go for it and do it without any guilt.”

“You don’t think it’ll be strange?”

“Maybe at first, but screw anybody that might have something slick to say. Love is hard to find. If you think you can have it with Carter, then see where it goes. I totally support you.”

“I love you, Mesha. Thanks for helping me think this through.”

“One more thing–”

“What?”

“We might want to keep this on the low low from Charisma. In her mind, that’s her man.” They both chuckled, knowing that Charisma would feel the same way as Mesha. She would totally support Harlem in whatever it was she wanted to do.

Chapter 3

Carter was antsy. He needed to burn off some energy, so he met up with a friend at the gym for some two-on-two basketball.

They played a couple of games and were both hot and sweaty. “You’re getting out of shape, old man.” Carter teased as he slapped Nate on the back.

“We won. That’s all that matters.” Nate said, laughing as he used a towel to dry the sweat from his face. “I’m glad you called me up. It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to hang out.”

“I know. The past few months have been a little crazy. I’m sorry I haven’t been by the house more often. How are Melody and my little dude?” Carter asked.

“Mel's good and Nate Jr. is growing up way too fast. Next week is his birthday.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget his birthday. That was a

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