Hot SEAL, April's Fool by Becca Jameson (smart books to read .txt) 📗

left me. Even when you came back with no explanation. At no point would I have been able to turn you away. But the pile of history between us feels insurmountable right now.”

“April…”

She met his gaze again. A tear ran down her cheek. “How could you believe I didn’t love you? Three years. You were my everything. My first in every imaginable step of life. My first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first sexual partner. And you walked away. I spent ten years believing you were the one with cold feet.”

Cole dropped to his knees in front of her and grabbed her hands on her thighs. “I loved you with all my heart. So much it hurt. The thought of you not being able to return that same love drove me out of town without a goodbye. Even though I considered the fact that maybe you just needed more time, it didn’t make sense to me. I never needed more time. I knew all the way to my bones that you were the one. I was afraid if you told me you wanted to wait a year or two to see how things went between us, I wouldn’t trust you to love me the way I loved you.”

April extracted a hand to swipe at tears again. “We really fucked this up.”

“Yes. Mostly me. I fucked this up. I take full responsibility. I’m so sorry. I’m begging you to take me back, to give me a chance to show you every day for the rest of our lives how much I love you.”

April rubbed her temples. Her head pounded. Everything was a scrambled mess and she couldn’t make rational decisions. “I need some time, Cole.”

He nodded. “Okay.” His voice was weak. “I have to go back to San Diego on Sunday. I don’t have a choice. I want you with me. I can’t breathe right until we fix this, ladybug,” he whispered.

“I know,” she murmured in response. “Stay at my apartment tonight. Let me stay here. Give me some time.”

“Okay.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, holding them against his mouth for longer than necessary. Finally, he rose and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “I love you, April. All I can say is how sorry I am for being such a fool. I’m begging you to forgive me and let me love you. Even one more lost day without you is too long.”

She nodded.

Cole released her hand and hesitated a moment before finally turning and leaving her alone in the waning light of evening. He shut her door with a soft snick, and she didn’t hear a single word he might have spoken to her parents as he left the house. When she heard the front door close, she flinched. It sounded so final.

Maybe she was making a mistake. Should she go after him?

Nope. A mistake would be not thinking this thing through all the way before she made the biggest decision of her life. Dropping everything and following him to San Diego was a huge life decision, one she’d been willing to make earlier just that day. But if he hurt her, it would be hard to return to Alabama with her tail between her legs.

She dropped onto her side and curled up again, pulling the covers over her. She was glad that her mom didn’t come in and try to talk to her. She needed to think alone. No one could make this decision but her, and she needed to do it on her own without outside influence.

It was her life that hung in the balance. She needed to weigh the pros and cons and face Cole in the morning. Making him wait any longer would be cruel to both of them, but jumping into something this important after a huge pile of revelations and what essentially amounted to a fight would have been a bad idea too.

April closed her eyes and drew in deep breaths.

Chapter 16

“Good morning, sweetie,” April’s mother said when April finally padded into the kitchen and slid onto a stool at the island. She was glad she’d always kept several changes of clothing here because the flannel sleep pants and T-shirt had kept her from spending the night dressed in slacks and a blouse.

She felt like shit. Her hair was a disaster that she had thrown up in a loose bun. Her makeup was nonexistent. Her eyes were still puffy from crying.

“Thanks, Mom,” she said as her mother slid a mug of coffee toward her, just how she liked it.

“Can I make you some breakfast? You haven’t eaten anything since you got here.”

April smiled. “I snuck into the kitchen in the middle of the night and ate some of the chicken soup. Thank you so much for making that, by the way. It hit the spot.”

Her mom smiled. “Oh good. You can take some of it home with you if you want.” Her voice trailed off. “Not that I’m suggesting you leave, of course. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

“Thank you. Did Dad already leave for work?”

“Yes. About an hour ago.”

Of course. April felt kind of bad that she hadn’t even spoken to him, but she hadn’t been in the mood to speak to anyone.

“Toast?” her mother encouraged, always wanting to feed people.

“Sounds great.” April knew she needed something inside her.

“You want to talk about it?” her mother asked, turning back around after popping bread into the toaster. “I don’t want to pry or anything. I understand if you want to be left alone, but you should know I got the gist of what’s going on. It was kinda hard not to fill in the blanks between Cole arriving here with his tail between his legs and then you two shouting.”

April winced. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, sweetie. I just hate knowing that you both loved each other so much and lost ten years together because of a misunderstanding.”

April nodded and took another sip of coffee.