The Aftermath by Gail Schimmel (books to read in a lifetime txt) 📗

‘Isn’t Mackenzie more important than a date with some gigolo?’ asks Daniel, and I remember how irritating he is when he uses a calm voice when he’s upset. ‘And just so you remember, we’re still married.’

‘Isn’t Mackenzie more important than Julia’s precious moods?’ I ask. ‘And being married didn’t bother you when you started fucking Julia, so spare me.’

‘I can hear you’re upset,’ says Daniel, still using his I-am-reasonable-and-calm voice. ‘We can talk when you’re more rational.’

‘It’s like you can’t recognise that you’re actually the person who’s one hundred per cent in the wrong here,’ I say. My voice is also calm now, because I’m more incredulous than angry. ‘Like you think you can have sex and a baby with another woman, but I’m the irrational one. I actually don’t know who you are any more, Daniel.’

He is silent for a moment, and when he speaks, his voice is sadder. Like he’s about to cry. ‘I don’t know either, Claire. I don’t know how we got here.’

For a moment I feel sorry for him. But then I remember.

‘Ask Julia,’ I say. ‘Ask Julia how you got here.’

I don’t feel like speaking to him any more, so I put down the phone.

Julia

I’m in a strangely good mood after the lunch-time visit to my dad. Afterwards, I went and bought some attractive maternity clothes so I can feel better about myself. I also bought some pricey liquid foundation the shop assistant swore will hide my pregnancy-raddled skin. And to top it off I bought a pair of enormous sunglasses that glamorously hide my blotchy cheeks. Back at the office, Gerald didn’t say a word about the fact that I’d basically taken a three-hour lunch break. He smiled anxiously, and I went into my office and ploughed through more work than I’ve managed in the last three months.

When I get home, Daniel’s already here. He’s standing at the entrance like he’s been waiting for me, looking uncharacteristically worked up.

‘I tried to get Claire to keep Mackenzie this weekend,’ he says before I’ve even put down my keys. ‘But she was totally unreasonable about it.’

‘Why did you want her to have Mackenzie?’ I say, pushing past him to offload my shopping and myself on the sofa.

‘Well, you’re feeling so sick,’ he says, following me. ‘You need to rest.’

‘Actually, I’m feeling better than I was.’ I realise as I say it that it’s true. I’ve got through a day without feeling sick or wanting to vomit or thinking I might fall asleep at my desk. Granted it was a weird day with my mother’s behaviour, but still. Maybe I should ask my mum to behave strangely more often. It seems to give me energy.

‘Well,’ says Daniel, ‘Claire was totally unsympathetic about how you’re feeling.’

That stops me in my tracks. I look at him. ‘You told Claire that I didn’t want to have Mackenzie?’

Daniel shrugs.

‘But, Daniel, I would never stop Mackenzie visiting. I love having her here. She’s been learning to trust me, and I promised her that I’d take her to the zoo. And that aside, she’s your daughter.’ I feel fury building up inside me. ‘I cannot believe you would make Claire think I am so selfish. I cannot believe you would make me look so bad. I actually don’t even know why you’re discussing me with Claire at all.’

‘Anyway,’ says Daniel as if I haven’t spoken, ‘Philip’s invited me to the cricket on Saturday and I have a brunch on Sunday with a client from the States.’

‘None of which I’m invited to?’

‘Well, someone has to look after Mackenzie,’ he says, but he looks shifty. I wasn’t invited anyway.

‘So it didn’t suit you to have Mackenzie, so you tried to blame it on me.’ I’m not asking him. I’m just stating it as it is.

‘Claire is very unreasonable,’ Daniel repeats, as if in justification.

‘For Christ’s sake,’ I explode. ‘You left her for another woman who is now pregnant. How reasonable is she supposed to be?’

Daniel looks like I’ve slapped him. ‘Whose side are you on?’

Part of me is tempted to reassure him, but suddenly I’m tired. ‘Mine,’ I say, and my voice isn’t even angry. ‘I’m on my side, because no one else is.’ I walk past him into the bedroom, close the door, and kick the box, which still hasn’t been unpacked. Then I send two messages I never would have imagined sending.

The first is to my mum.

I liked your friends, I type. I think Daddy enjoyed having lunch.

And then I take a deep breath and type a message to Claire. It’s the first time I’ve communicated directly with her since Daniel left her.

I just want you to know that I didn’t ask Daniel to cancel Mackenzie. She is always welcome. Daniel is busy so she’ll mostly be with me, but if that’s okay, I would love her to come stay this weekend.

I push send. I plan to wait for an answer, but instead I fall asleep fully clothed, and I don’t even wake up when Daniel covers me with a blanket and climbs into bed next to me.

Claire

When the phone beeps, I almost don’t look at it. It feels like it’s been beeping at me all day. Over and above the usual emails and meeting requests and school WhatsApp groups, I’ve had Janice already planning a girls’ night, as predicted.

I know I’m being mean, but in her position I’d have been more subtle – waited a few weeks before trying to resurrect the event I was left out of. I feel a bit irritated with her for being so clueless, but also protective of her for being so transparent. And I’ve had Laurel sending me texts all day that make me laugh, because she doesn’t ask me for anything. She’s just really funny. Mostly about my friends, so I feel a bit guilty enjoying it so much, but she is so right. And I’ve had this man called Rob who won’t take