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What I’m doing.

I step back and take a breath. When I look down, I see the guy is covered in blood.

I glance around at everyone staring at me as Donny checks to see if the guy is okay and who he’s here with.

Justine just glares at me, her eyes wide open and her hands over her mouth. If I was the mad one before, she’s taken the proverbial stick from me and holds the top spot as head of the pissed off circle within this place.

I put my head down in shame, realizing I just did what I’d promised myself I would never do.

And I can’t believe I did it again.

Donny grabs me, pulling me away from the crowd in case any of the guy’s friends decide to retaliate. I’m completely exasperated, and my chest is pounding like a motherfucking freight train that I can’t get control over.

When we get backstage, the owner comes racing up to me. “What the hell was that?”

John speaks up, defending me, “That guy was attacking his girl.”

“I don’t give a fuck what he was doing. You can’t jump off my stage and beat some drunk guy up. Now, pack your shit and get out of here. You’re not getting a dime from me tonight, and you are never welcome back here ever again!”

“Nice to hear you don’t mind if your female patrons are being attacked. Maybe you need to beef up security,” John yells as he storms off.

I plop my ass in a chair, burying my head in my hands as I grunt and then punch the couch next to me. When I get control, I slowly breathe in and out, knowing the first thing I have to do. I look to my bandmates and say, “Sorry. I … I don’t know what came over me.”

Timmy shakes his head. “Don’t be. I saw what he was doing. If that had been my wife out there, I’d have done the same thing. I just hope this chick’s worth it. Come on.” He hits John’s arm, signaling to help him start packing up.

I can hear the crowd still hanging out, wondering if we’ll come back on. When the owner turns on the DJ booth that was supposed to start after our show, they figure out it’s over.

I fucked things up pretty bad tonight.

Justine comes rushing behind the stage. Her hair is a mess, like she’s been running her hands through it. “What the hell was that?”

I take a deep breath and stand up, so I can face her like a man. “I’m sorry. With his hands on you I saw red.”

“I’ve lived in New York for the past ten years. I know how to deal with a drunk guy.”

“Do you?” My words are unintentionally callous. “I saw the way you backed up from that man. I saw the fear on your face.”

“Yes,” she spits out with fire in her eyes.

“You might have figured a way out of the situation, but you shouldn’t have to. Not with me around.”

I look at her with a serious bite to my jaw. She might think she can protect herself, but I know what she just went through. My girl’s heart is as strong as a bull, but the rest of her is fragile like a lamb.

“I only wanted to protect you.”

“Tucker, this is not okay. You can’t jump off the stage and ruin the show for everyone out there because some guy tried to dance with me. I was just getting comfortable with being in my own skin. Comfortable being with you. This is why I didn’t want to tell you or anyone what happened. I don’t want to be treated like a victim. I need to work through what happened because when I move back, I am all I have to protect myself. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I can’t rely on anyone, especially a man.”

She turns away, and I rush up to her side.

“Justine, you know I would never do anything to put you in harm’s way.”

“Do you think putting me in the middle of a bar fight was protecting me? And what about you? What if that guy had had a knife? What if his friends had jumped in? You could have been hurt, and then I would have thought it was my fault. There are ways to handle situations like that, and violence is not one of them.”

“I know. I was wrong.” I stare into her eyes and see the way she’s narrowing hers and pursing her lips, her breathing strong and steady.

All I can think about is the last time I got in a fight. I thought that was the only way then too. Looking back, I know it could have been handled differently, and I thank God every day that it didn’t get any worse. I know I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if it did.

I try to think of what to say to explain my actions a little more when John does it for me. “You can’t blame the guy. Don’t forget what happened with his wife. You’re the first girl he’s dated since.”

She snaps her eyes back on me, and I drop my head again. I’m not sure if I wanted her to know my past. It’s nothing I’m proud of. I’m glad we’ve all moved on, but I can’t deny that while I saw his hands on her, flashes from my past crossed my mind, no matter how much I tell myself that I was stopping that guy for her reasons, not mine.

Thankfully, she purses her lips in thought, not saying a word.

I reach my hand out to grab hers. “I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for what I did, but when we get back to the hotel, I’ll try to explain what was going through my head, okay?”

The nice hotel I wanted to treat her to, so I could make love to her all night long.

I fucked that up.

She closes her eyes and nods as she crosses

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