Yearn by A. Ellis (story books for 5 year olds .txt) 📗

surrounded by idiots. Lovable, kind, caring, amazing people, but idiots all the same.”

“Hey!” Cooper and I both exclaimed.

Bev held up her hand. “How many times do you boys have to see this same situation play out? Different scenarios, different cast of characters, different motives, but it’s the same damn thing every time. We’ll just have sex and then go our separate ways. Then, when feelings start getting involved, we’ll stick our heads so far up our own asses we won’t be able to have an actual conversation about how we’re feeling. We’ll hem and haw around, being all emo and shit, until one of us finally balls up and speaks the truth.” Bev shook her head. “Maybe it’s because I’m on the outside looking in on all of these little performances, but Lord Almighty, you’d think, just once, someone would smarten up and realize the farce of just sex when there’s obviously a lot more between you is plain ol’ ridiculous.” She sighed. “I realize things are different these days—and there’s nothing wrong with sex for the sake of sex—but I remember my dear Jerry and I openly admitting our feelings soon after our first date. Did it make for anxious, vulnerable, scary moments? Sure did. But when you feel a certain way about someone, you don’t mask it with just sex. You let them know how you feel.”

I huffed and toyed with a braid. “That’s the issue, though. There is a lot between us—as in a lot from our past that we’ve not sorted out and it’s clear Khi doesn’t want to. There was nothing huge or life-altering, mostly just what amounts to immaturity, jealousy, and miscommunication—at least on my part.” I paused as Bev scoffed, pretending she was surprised—such a sarcastic biddy for someone who looked so cute and loving. “I can admit I’ve gone and let myself get caught up in feeling something more for Khi, but I can’t force him to like me back.”

“So, he can have your dick but he can’t have your truth?” Bev raised a brow over her tea cup.

“It’s not that easy,” I muttered, choosing to ignore the fact that my aunt was talking about dick.

“Look,” Cooper started, “I’m the first to admit that Jesse and I tried the whole let’s just have sex and then we’ll move on thing and it was great—until it wasn’t. Feelings got involved and instead of facing those feelings we were idiots—luckily, we worked it out and realized Bev had been right all along. Communication is the key.” He held up a hand when I started to protest. “I get it. Talking about feelings is hard. But I’ll tell you and Khi like I tell my preschoolers, ‘Use your words.’ You and Khi need to talk about your unresolved issues—if you need a mediator, you’ve got people who would help, or we can set you up with Alicia. And you need to tell him how you feel about him. If he doesn’t know your truth, how can he decide what he wants for the future?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why does it have to be me spilling my guts and him getting to decide what he wants from the future?”

Bev patted my arm. “Someone has to be the one to take the first step. We all know Khi has a lot of baggage from his past relationship. Maybe you opening up will be the catalyst to get him talking and thinking about what he wants.”

“And if what he wants isn’t me?” I asked softly.

“Then you’ll know and the two of you can decide where your friendship stands before you get any deeper in your feelings for him,” Bev answered. “But without communication, you’ll never know.”

“It’s been really nice to be around him without the animosity,” I said. “What if I tell him how I’m feeling and it ruins the small steps we’ve taken?”

“Are you afraid to rock the boat or afraid to lose the dick?” Cooper asked as he stood to get his wiggles out.

I frowned. “You make it sound like I only want him around for sex and that’s not true.” I thought about my words and knew them to be the truth. “The sex is great, but I like him, not just his dick.”

“Okay,” Cooper said as if that decided something.

“Okay, what?”

“Okay, you need to be honest with him. End of story. Bev’s right, this house is full of a bunch of idiots—myself included—stop being worried you’ll cross a line or make someone mad or put yourself in a vulnerable position.” Cooper bounced on the balls of his feet. “If you give him your truth and it’s something he can’t or won’t handle, that’s on him. But at least you’ll be free to live your truth and find the person who can handle it.”

We finished our tea and cookies and I headed to my room to sketch a few designs I’d had bouncing in my head. Bev and Cooper had given me a lot to think about. In my heart, I knew their advice came from a place of love and was pretty much spot-on. But I was scared to death to mess up whatever tentative thing I had going with Khi.

Tentative? Did it seem tentative when he was pounding your ass last night? Was it tentative when you sucked him off in the back of the bus?

I huffed as I opened my sketchbook. Fine, tentative was maybe the wrong word. The sex was full-blown, on fire, and the very opposite of tentative.

The relationship outside of sex? The friendship I was hoping would continue to grow? That was the part feeling a bit wobbly.

Fuck.

Sex for the sake of sex—minus the feelings—would have been so much easier. Why did I have to go and realize I actually liked Khi?

If I told Khi I had feelings for him that weren’t just sex I risked smashing whatever we’d started building.

And yet, if you’re not honest with him, you risk your heart. No man—no sex—is worth