The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame (most popular ebook readers txt) 📗

line, you must know, ma’am⁠—and I’ve left my young children to look after themselves, and a more mischievous and troublesome set of young imps doesn’t exist, ma’am; and I’ve lost all my money, and lost my way, and as for what may be happening to my married daughter, why, I don’t like to think of it, ma’am!”

“Where might your married daughter be living, ma’am?” asked the barge-woman.

“She lives near to the river, ma’am,” replied Toad. “Close to a fine house called Toad Hall, that’s somewheres hereabouts in these parts. Perhaps you may have heard of it.”

“Toad Hall? Why, I’m going that way myself,” replied the barge-woman. “This canal joins the river some miles further on, a little above Toad Hall; and then it’s an easy walk. You come along in the barge with me, and I’ll give you a lift.”

She steered the barge close to the bank, and Toad, with many humble and grateful acknowledgments, stepped lightly on board and sat down with great satisfaction. “Toad’s luck again!” thought he. “I always come out on top!”

“So you’re in the washing business, ma’am?” said the barge-woman politely, as they glided along. “And a very good business you’ve got too, I dare say, if I’m not making too free in saying so.”

“Finest business in the whole country,” said Toad airily. “All the gentry come to me⁠—wouldn’t go to anyone else if they were paid, they know me so well. You see, I understand my work thoroughly, and attend to it all myself. Washing, ironing, clear-starching, making up gents’ fine shirts for evening wear⁠—everything’s done under my own eye!”

“But surely you don’t do all that work yourself, ma’am?” asked the barge-woman respectfully.

“O, I have girls,” said Toad lightly: “twenty girls or thereabouts, always at work. But you know what girls are, ma’am! Nasty little hussies, that’s what I call ’em!”

“So do I, too,” said the barge-woman with great heartiness. “But I dare say you set yours to rights, the idle trollops! And are you very fond of washing?”

“I love it,” said Toad. “I simply dote on it. Never so happy as when I’ve got both arms in the washtub. But, then, it comes so easy to me! No trouble at all! A real pleasure, I assure you, ma’am!”

“What a bit of luck, meeting you!” observed the barge-woman, thoughtfully. “A regular piece of good fortune for both of us!”

“Why, what do you mean?” asked Toad, nervously.

“Well, look at me, now,” replied the barge-woman. “I like washing, too, just the same as you do; and for that matter, whether I like it or not I have got to do all my own, naturally, moving about as I do. Now my husband, he’s such a fellow for shirking his work and leaving the barge to me, that never a moment do I get for seeing to my own affairs. By rights he ought to be here now, either steering or attending to the horse, though luckily the horse has sense enough to attend to himself. Instead of which, he’s gone off with the dog, to see if they can’t pick up a rabbit for dinner somewhere. Says he’ll catch me up at the next lock. Well, that’s as may be⁠—I don’t trust him, once he gets off with that dog, who’s worse than he is. But meantime, how am I to get on with my washing?”

“O, never mind about the washing,” said Toad, not liking the subject. “Try and fix your mind on that rabbit. A nice fat young rabbit, I’ll be bound. Got any onions?”

“I can’t fix my mind on anything but my washing,” said the barge-woman, “and I wonder you can be talking of rabbits, with such a joyful prospect before you. There’s a heap of things of mine that you’ll find in a corner of the cabin. If you’ll just take one or two of the most necessary sort⁠—I won’t venture to describe them to a lady like you, but you’ll recognise them at a glance⁠—and put them through the washtub as we go along, why, it’ll be a pleasure to you, as you rightly say, and a real help to me. You’ll find a tub handy, and soap, and a kettle on the stove, and a bucket to haul up water from the canal with. Then I shall know you’re enjoying yourself, instead of sitting here idle, looking at the scenery and yawning your head off.”

“Here, you let me steer!” said Toad, now thoroughly frightened, “and then you can get on with your washing your own way. I might spoil your things, or not do ’em as you like. I’m more used to gentleman’s things myself. It’s my special line.”

“Let you steer?” replied the barge-woman, laughing. “It takes some practice to steer a barge properly. Besides, it’s dull work, and I want you to be happy. No, you shall do the washing you are so fond of, and I’ll stick to the steering that I understand. Don’t try and deprive me of the pleasure of giving you a treat!”

Toad was fairly cornered. He looked for escape this way and that, saw that he was too far from the bank for a flying leap, and sullenly resigned himself to his fate. “If it comes to that,” he thought in desperation, “I suppose any fool can wash!”

He fetched tub, soap, and other necessaries from the cabin, selected a few garments at random, tried to recollect what he had seen in casual glances through laundry windows, and set to.

A long half-hour passed, and every minute of it saw Toad getting crosser and crosser. Nothing that he could do to the things seemed to please them or do them good. He tried coaxing, he tried slapping, he tried punching; they smiled back at him out of the tub unconverted, happy in their original sin. Once or twice he looked nervously over his shoulder at the barge-woman, but she appeared to be gazing out in front of her, absorbed in her steering. His back ached badly, and