Snow Job by Tara Wyatt (best large ereader .txt) 📗

ever said all of this out loud, the entire story. The first time he’d told it, he’d felt defensive. But this time, sharing it with Kayla, it felt different, and he knew it was because he was owning it. Accepting it.

“But the worst thing I did was gamble. The high of winning was addictive and it fucking swallowed me whole. I’d take on riskier bets with higher stakes and when I won, it was the closest I’d come to that high, that rush of competing. I wanted to win at something, and I’d stopped caring at what. I think deep down I knew I had a problem, but I was in denial for a long time. I became consumed with it, always thinking about my next bet. My next rush. When I was winning, I felt like my life was okay, that everything was going to be fine. But then inevitably I’d lose and all of those feelings of worthlessness and being a failure would come roaring back. The only way to make them go away was to try to win the money back. It became this cycle and it felt like a fucking prison.”

“That sounds absolutely awful. I can’t even imagine.” Her voice was soft and without the weight of judgment or recrimination. All he could hear was empathy and concern. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and noticed that her eyes were bright with unshed tears. For him. God.

“It was. It was hell on earth. I tried to stop so many times, Kayla. But the longer I went without it, the more I felt like I was going to fucking explode. That’s when I’d go to the fight club and try to work it all out there. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. When it didn’t, I’d drink until I couldn’t feel anything except numb.”

“Are you still gambling now?”

Her question was completely fair, and yet he still felt a stab of pain right in the center of his chest, an echo of the worthlessness he’d struggled so hard against.

“No. I haven’t gambled in three months now. Almost four.”

She squeezed him. “That’s really great, Bastian.”

He shrugged. “I’d hit rock bottom. I got kicked out of my apartment because of the betting ring I’d been running and had to stay with Lucian. Honestly, Lucian is the only reason I’m still in one piece. When I first started gambling, I think he could tell that I was in over my head, and one night after a few drinks, he made me sign over my trust fund to him. But I found money to gamble with other ways, which I don’t think was his intention when he took my access away. He wasn’t counting on having to bail me out with shady as fuck loan sharks. He paid everyone off with interest to make sure they’d stay off my back.” He shook his head slowly. “I was messing with some really dangerous people. I could’ve been killed. If not for Lucian, I might’ve been.”

She sat up and cupped his face. “I had no idea about any of this,” she said quietly. “But there are some things that make a lot more sense now.”

“I told you I was a mess.”

She shook her head, a wavy tendril of hair escaping her bun and falling by her cheek. “No. The Sebastian of a year ago? He was a mess. But I don’t think you’re that guy anymore.”

“I’m trying not to be. That’s why I came out here, to reconnect with something I loved, to get away from the city. To figure shit out.” He swallowed, hesitating before he said, “I also Skype with a therapist once a week.” He hadn’t planned to tell her that he was in therapy, but it felt good. Freeing.

Kayla leaned forward and kissed him, her lips soft and sweet against his. He felt a tug in his gut that was deeper than just arousal.

In that moment, he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was going to fall for her.

13

They’d spent the rest of the morning talking about anything and everything. Sebastian’s past and his close relationship with his siblings, the fact that Stammler was a giant asshole, their favorites, from movies and music to food and travel destinations. It felt so incredibly good to curl up with him on the couch in front of the fire, snow falling outside, just talking. Learning about the man who was quickly invading her brain and her heart. With the snow still falling and the two of them holed up in Sebastian’s cozy cabin, it felt like they were in a cocoon, totally apart from the rest of the world.

She didn’t want it to end. But she knew that real life would beckon soon enough, and Sebastian would have lessons to teach and she’d be headed back to the city in two days. So for now, she was going to take full advantage of the situation at hand.

After they’d eaten a simple lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, Sebastian had gone to grab a shower. She wished she could join him, but there was no way that shower would hold the two of them. She was amazed that Sebastian fit in there by himself, never mind with her. So instead, once she heard the water running, she peeled off her clothes and hobbled her way to the bed. The sheets were still messy and rumpled, but there was no point in making the bed because they’d just mess it up again. And again. And again.

She leaned back against the headboard, the wood cold against her skin. Closing her eyes, she imagined Sebastian in the shower, soapy water running over his incredibly sexy body. She loved every single thing about it, from the muscles, to the chest hair, to the mouthwateringly long, thick cock between his legs. But more than that, she wanted to show him that everything he’d told her about his