What's for Dinner? by James Schuyler (diy ebook reader txt) 📗

one. Kleptomania. She was the genuine article.”

“I am not a shop-lifter,” Mrs Judson said.

“No one said you were,” Mr Judson said. “You must stop thinking that any little remark is indirectly meant for you.”

“That’s the way people talk about you,” Mrs Judson said. “They say it about somebody else, then they give you a look.”

“I wasn’t talking about you,” Mr Mulwin said. “And I can’t help giving you a look: I’m sitting across the table from you, for Pete’s sake.”

“A quiet game of bridge,” Lottie said, “would be most welcome about now.”

“These sessions take it out of you,” Mrs Brice said.

“I’m not tired,” Mrs Judson said. “I’m fresh as a daisy. I can face up to it and protect myself.”

“No one’s attacked you,” Mr Mulwin said in a lackluster voice.

“When are we going to talk about me?” Bertha asked. “I sure hope I’m not going to be like any of you when I’m your age.”

“Go jump in the river,” Mrs Judson said.

2

Maureen rapped on the twins’ door and went in without waiting for an answer. “A funny thing has happened,” she said. “As a matter of fact it isn’t funny at all. I went to the bank this morning and drew out some money. I knew just how much I had. Just now I paid the paper boy, and for some reason, I counted my money again. I’m short five dollars, and I know I didn’t lose it. Did either of you go in my purse and take five dollars? I want the truth.”

Patrick was sitting on his side of the desk, staring, while Michael across from him had a notebook open. Both boys shook their heads, without saying a word.

“I’m going to get to the bottom of this,” Maureen said. “I want you both to stand up and turn out your pockets. Put everything in them on the desk.”

“I did not,” Michael said, “take anything out of your purse.”

“Do as I say,” Maureen said.

Slowly the boys got to their feet and emptied their pockets. Change, chewing gum, keys (Michael’s were on a lucky rabbit’s foot chain), handkerchiefs, and, in Patrick’s case, a packet of condoms. Maureen stared at the latter and flushed. “Where did you get the money for those?” she said.

“Out of my allowance.” The packet had a dog-eared look and clearly had not been bought that day.

“Don’t ever let me see that again,” Maureen said. “Now I want you to turn your pockets right inside out. The hip pockets, too.”

The boys did so. No five dollar bill emerged.

“I just don’t know,” Maureen said. “If I’ve done you an injustice, I apologize.” She left the room.

Michael stared at Patrick until the other’s gaze wavered and he looked away. “You took it. I know I didn’t, so you must have.” Patrick didn’t answer. “You really are going to get in dutch one of these days. Now Mom will start thinking Biddy’s getting old and starting to take things. Old people get like that.”

“Maybe she did,” Patrick said.

“Bullshit. Where’d you hide it?

“In my shoe.”

“You realize you’re stark raving crazy don’t you? Mom has a photographic memory.”

“Well,” Patrick said reasonably, “I didn’t think she’d miss it. The purse was lying there so I looked inside and the wallet was stuffed with money. I took it before I knew I’d done it.”

“I’ve seen it coming for a long time and now I know it: you’re insane. They’ll lock you up with Mrs Taylor and the rest of the nuts.”

“Since when are you such a saint? What about the time Dad caught you going through his jacket?”

“Come on: I was just a little kid then. I didn’t know any better.”

“You weren’t too little to get your ass whacked good.”

“Stop acting like I’m going to squeal on you: you know I won’t. What did you want the money for, anyway? Five dollars!”

“I wanted to buy some grass off of Pete.”

“Oh wow. I thought you didn’t even like it. You told me you didn’t trust it—your very words. I was the one who got the good high.”

“I thought it over and decided I wanted to give it a second chance. It was kind of interesting.”

“Pete told me he didn’t have any more,” Michael said. “The big liar.”

“He didn’t. Then his brother at college’s contact told him about a contact here, in the city, and his brother passed the word along to Pete. He’s going to get an ounce, but first he has to get the money together, so four of us are chipping in. See? Don’t worry, you’ll get some of it.”

“How come you didn’t tell me about it? We could have gotten it together out of our allowances. I need a new notebook and stuff. I could ask Dad for money for that. Or Mom. Or I could have, before this happened. You dope.”

Patrick shuddered. “Boy, I’ll never do that again,” he said fervently. “Actually, I was sitting here trying to think of a way to put it back before Mom noticed.”

Dinner that night was a gloomy occasion. Bryan finally said, “What’s on your mind, Maureen? You act like you’re off in another world.”

Maureen explained about the missing bill and said, “The teller may accidentally have short changed me, only I’m so certain I counted it myself and it came out right.”

“How did you find you were short?” Bryan asked.

“It was after I paid the paper boy. I had to ask him if he could change a five, which he did in rather a surly way, and then when I put my purse down, I thought, ‘That’s funny, I thought I had two fives.’ So I counted up what I had and it didn’t come out right. And I haven’t been to the store or anything.”

Bryan put down his fork and looked from one boy to the other. “No, no,” Maureen said. “I’ve been into it with the twins. Neither of them took it. I don’t know why I suspected them. Still, boys will be boys and at the time it seemed a