CRACKED: An Anthology of Eggsellent Chicken Stories by J. Posthumus (feel good novels txt) 📗

moments of trying to make his tongue work. “I would enjoy hearing stories, if you’d be willing to tell them.”

“What does it explain?” Her eyes narrowed as she spoke each word.

Harold cleared his throat nervously. He suspected she did not need a weapon to remove his head if he misspoke. “Why the other teachers avoid you. You’re not only dangerous, but beautiful and obviously very intelligent. Even among mundanes, people avoid women who are beautiful and intelligent. Throw in ‘dangerous’ and it’s the perfect recipe for being shunned. Those who are unusual or don’t follow the ‘typical’ lifestyles expected of people have often been treated as outcasts throughout history.”

Later tipped her head to the side and studied Harold. “You aren’t terrified of me.”

“I respect what you can do to me, certainly, but I hope I haven’t given you a reason to wish me harm.”

“Not yet,” she replied cheerfully. Turning on her heel, she continued down the path.

Letting out a breath, Harold followed behind her, making enough noise to wake the dead, while she moved without making a sound. Admittedly, he did enjoy watching her move. It wasn’t often one was able to watch how a hunter walked. He tried to copy her and found that with effort and a lot of concentration, he was able to make considerably less noise.

“Not bad,” she said as she stopped in front of what looked like a giant nest.

The size of a small kiddie pool, it resembled a very muddy hole in the ground with twigs and vegetation pulled in around it. Level with the forest floor was a very large toad, complete with dark brown and black bumpy skin and round gold eyes with black pupils. It blinked twice before letting out a long chirp.

Harold leapt backwards, nearly stumbling over a branch. “What is that thing? It looks like a toad, but toads are not that large!”

Later laughed again. “It’s a giant toad and her clutch is ready to hatch.” She pursed her lips, studying the large amphibian. “Though, they may have already hatched. Today was their ‘due date’.”

“Their what?” Harold repeated, straightening himself. He leaned forward and peered at the enormous toad. He guessed it was easily fifty or sixty pounds, if not closer to one hundred. “I’m not that familiar with amphibians or reptiles, but even I know toads and frogs don’t sit on eggs like birds. They also typically lay their eggs in water.”

“Yes, toads do generally lay their eggs in water, but sometimes they are hatched by chickens, in which case you’ll get a basilisk,” Later explained. She reached over and stroked the toad between her giant eyes. The toad closed its eyes and trilled. “This lady is hatching some rooster eggs.”

“Roosters don’t lay eggs,” Harold said dumbly. He was starting to feel as though he were in some weird fairy tale again. At least he knew he wasn’t dead and in a weird level of Hell. “Hens lay eggs.”

Just as Harold finished speaking, the toad shifted her weight and a tiny head popped up from beneath the toad’s front legs. Harold yelped and hopped backwards. This time, he did fall over the branch.

The not-a-chick hopped up on the toad’s leg before jumping to the edge of the nest. Harold shrieked again and scrambled backwards further as he got his first good look at what the toad had hatched.

The size of a large breed chick, the fluffy black and yellow feathered creature had the head, beak, and eyes of a normal chick. The wings were small and also normal for a baby chicken. Even the feet and toes matched those of a chicken. The rest of the creature was most definitely not a normal chick. No chicken Harold had ever seen had the body and tail of a lizard. There were two bitty little feathers at the tip of the tail.

Later scooped up the little creature. It sounded very much like the normal chicks Harold had seen earlier. She let the little thing on the ground, and it raced over to Harold, peeping the whole time. It wagged its tail, reminding Harold of a puppy. As he stopped trying to scramble backwards, the chicken-lizard hopped up on his stomach and trotted up his chest until it was eye-to-chin with him. It tilted its head back and forth, as it wagged its little lizard tail.

Harold stared down his nose at the little thing. It cheeped again before promptly moving to his shoulder and began examining his ear. Cringing, he leaned away from the creature.

“What will happen if it bites me?” he asked, trying to eye it warily and failing because of its size and location.

“You’ll grow scales and wings within a few days,” Later replied without missing a beat. “A tail, too. Oh, and you’ll start trilling like a toad.”

“What!” Harold all but screeched. Gingerly, he shooed the little chicken-lizard from his shoulder. He leapt to his feet and backed away from it until he was almost hiding behind Later. “So, this has been a lovely visit, but perhaps I should be returning!”

Later burst into laughter until she was doubled over. The toad rose up on its legs, croaking at her. As it moved, a small horde of chicken-lizard babies popped up and began trilling. They reminded Harold of a swarm of locusts. That is, if locusts had tails.

“Oh, gods! There’s more!” he screeched.

The baby chicken-lizard crouched down before racing towards him, its neck outstretched and the tail straight behind it.

Harold cried out again and backpedaled until his back was to a tree. The chicken-lizard pounced on his shoe and began bouncing up and down, cheeping loudly.

Looking from the tiny fluffy chicken-lizard to Later, who was bent over, holding her stomach as she laughed, Harold wondered what new Hell he’d encountered.

“Ah, the darlings have hatched!” the voice of Headmaster Angus McMillan cut through the noise and laughter. Seconds later, McMillan appeared in his long, flowing robes. The auburn highlights in his dark hair shone in the sunlight that filtered through