The Moon and Sixpence - W. Somerset Maugham (electronic book reader txt) 📗

though the flesh was painted with a passionate sensuality which had in it something miraculous; it was not only the solidity, so that you felt extraordinarily the weight of the body; there was also a spirituality, troubling and new, which led the imagination along unsuspected ways, and suggested dim empty spaces, lit only by the eternal stars, where the soul, all naked, adventured fearful to the discovery of new mysteries.

If I am rhetorical it is because Stroeve was rhetorical. (Do we not know that man in moments of emotion expresses himself naturally in the terms of a novelette?) Stroeve was trying to express a feeling which he had never known before, and he did not know how to put it into common terms. He was like the mystic seeking to describe the ineffable. But one fact he made clear to me; people talk of beauty lightly, and having no feeling for words, they use that one carelessly, so that it loses its force; and the thing it stands for, sharing its name with a hundred trivial objects, is deprived of dignity. They call beautiful a dress, a dog, a sermon; and when they are face to face with Beauty cannot recognise it. The false emphasis with which they try to deck their worthless thoughts blunts their susceptibilities. Like the charlatan who counterfeits a spiritual force he has sometimes felt, they lose the power they have abused. But Stroeve, the unconquerable buffoon, had a love and an understanding of beauty which were as honest and sincere as was his own sincere and honest soul. It meant to him what God means to the believer, and when he saw it he was afraid.

“What did you say to Strickland when you saw him?”

“I asked him to come with me to Holland.”

I was dumbfounded. I could only look at Stroeve in stupid amazement.

“We both loved Blanche. There would have been room for him in my mother’s house. I think the company of poor, simple people would have done his soul a great good. I think he might have learnt from them something that would be very useful to him.”

“What did he say?”

“He smiled a little. I suppose he thought me very silly. He said he had other fish to fry.”

I could have wished that Strickland had used some other phrase to indicate his refusal.

“He gave me the picture of Blanche.”

I wondered why Strickland had done that. But I made no remark, and for some time we kept silence.

“What have you done with all your things?” I said at last.

“I got a Jew in, and he gave me a round sum for the lot. I’m taking my pictures home with me. Beside them I own nothing in the world now but a box of clothes and a few books.”

“I’m glad you’re going home,” I said.

I felt that his chance was to put all the past behind him. I hoped that the grief which now seemed intolerable would be softened by the lapse of time, and a merciful forgetfulness would help him to take up once more the burden of life. He was young still, and in a few years he would look back on all his misery with a sadness in which there would be something not unpleasurable. Sooner or later he would marry some honest soul in Holland, and I felt sure he would be happy. I smiled at the thought of the vast number of bad pictures he would paint before he died.

Next day I saw him off for Amsterdam.

XL

For the next month, occupied with my own affairs, I saw no one connected with this lamentable business, and my mind ceased to be occupied with it. But one day, when I was walking along, bent on some errand, I passed Charles Strickland. The sight of him brought back to me all the horror which I was not unwilling to forget, and I felt in me a sudden repulsion for the cause of it. Nodding, for it would have been childish to cut him, I walked on quickly; but in a minute I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“You’re in a great hurry,” he said cordially.

It was characteristic of him to display geniality with anyone who showed a disinclination to meet him, and the coolness of my greeting can have left him in little doubt of that.

“I am,” I answered briefly.

“I’ll walk along with you,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

“For the pleasure of your society.”

I did not answer, and he walked by my side silently. We continued thus for perhaps a quarter of a mile. I began to feel a little ridiculous. At last we passed a stationer’s, and it occurred to me that I might as well buy some paper. It would be an excuse to be rid of him.

“I’m going in here,” I said. “Goodbye.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

I shrugged my shoulders, and went into the shop. I reflected that French paper was bad, and that, foiled of my purpose, I need not burden myself with a purchase that I did not need. I asked for something I knew could not be provided, and in a minute came out into the street.

“Did you get what you wanted?” he asked.

“No.”

We walked on in silence, and then came to a place where several streets met. I stopped at the curb.

“Which way do you go?” I enquired.

“Your way,” he smiled.

“I’m going home.”

“I’ll come along with you and smoke a pipe.”

“You might wait for an invitation,” I retorted frigidly.

“I would if I thought there was any chance of getting one.”

“Do you see that wall in front of you?” I said, pointing.

“Yes.”

“In that case I should have thought you could see also that I don’t want your company.”

“I vaguely suspected it, I confess.”

I could not help a chuckle. It is one of the defects of my character that I cannot altogether dislike anyone who makes me laugh. But I pulled myself together.

“I think you’re detestable. You’re the most loathsome beast that it’s ever