Etiquette and Vitriol by Nicky Silver (classic fiction .txt) 📗

of nameless, faceless bodies.

TONY: Oh my God!

AMY: I’m so sorry.

TONY: Is that true?!

AMY: I can say no more.

TONY: She lied to me!?

AMY: I’m going upstairs now, to induce a miscarriage. (She curtsies and seems to exit, but instead hides, out of Tony’s sight and watches the scene)

TONY: Philip!!

PHILIP: What!?

TONY: Is what she said true?!

PHILIP: I have to go! I have to leave! I HAVE TO GET SOME AIR! (He rushes off)

TONY: I’LL KILL HER!

(Vivian enters, her head in a towel.)

VIVIAN: I feel better now, although I should have removed my glasses. (She lowers her towel) Who are you?

TONY: Guess.

VIVIAN: I don’t want to.

TONY: There’s no sense of adventure in people anymore. I’m Tony.

VIVIAN: It’s nice to meet you.

TONY: Who are you?

VIVIAN: My name is Vivian. (Pause) Where’s Philip?

TONY: He went out.

VIVIAN: Really?

TONY: Yes.

VIVIAN: That’s odd. He just left me here?

TONY: He wasn’t feeling well.

VIVIAN: Oh.

TONY: He’ll be back.

VIVIAN: I hope so. We’re engaged.

TONY: I’m sure he hasn’t gone for good. This is his home.

VIVIAN: Where’s Amy?

TONY: Upstairs.

VIVIAN: Oh.

TONY: Aborting her child.

VIVIAN: Oh?

TONY: I expect we’ll here blood-curdling screams soon.

VIVIAN: I hope she knows what she’s doing.

(Pause. Tony looks at Vivian for the first time. An idea occurs to him and his demeanor changes.)

TONY: What did you say your name was?

VIVIAN: Why?

TONY: You look familiar to me. Do I look familiar to you?

VIVIAN: No. But then I’m astigmatic.

TONY: What was it?

VIVIAN: Vivian.

TONY: Vivian what?

VIVIAN: Vivian Hammer.

TONY: That’s it!

VIVIAN: Yes, thank you. I know. I know my name.

TONY: Vivian, don’t you remember me?

VIVIAN: From what? Have we met?

TONY: We were at the Art Students League together.

VIVIAN: Really?

TONY: You don’t remember me? I’m insulted.

VIVIAN: That was five years ago.

TONY: Exactly right!

VIVIAN: Yes, I know.

TONY: You look—well, changed.

VIVIAN: Were we friends? Did we speak?

TONY (Lewd): Not exactly.

VIVIAN: Either we did or we didn’t.

TONY: I used to watch you all the time.

VIVIAN: Pardon me?

TONY: I stared at you. I thought you were beautiful.

VIVIAN: Me?

TONY: Didn’t you realize?

VIVIAN: You’re embarrassing me.

TONY: I undressed you with my eyes.

VIVIAN: That was hardly necessary. I posed nude quite often.

TONY: Yes, I know. I remember that.

VIVIAN: May we talk of something else? Did you vote this year?

TONY: I saw you in every mirror and young girl that I looked at. You became my obsession. You were, every night, in my dreams. I remember how you glided through a room. You seemed so superior. And your paintings! You were a wonderful painter.

VIVIAN: Thank you.

TONY: So violent and full of rage. It was as if you lived in a serene world and poured all your rage into your work.

VIVIAN: I’ve stopped painting.

TONY: That’s terrible. Why?

VIVIAN: I’d rather not go into it.

TONY: Oh.

VIVIAN: I had a bad year.

TONY: What happened?

VIVIAN: I had a twin sister who was raped and murdered by a young man she met at a church social.

TONY: I don’t believe in religion.

VIVIAN: It was a tragedy and I was thrown into a depression.

TONY: You were thrown?

VIVIAN: I found I could no longer paint. I could no longer see the beauty in a grotesque world. I wanted to disappear. My friends tried to console me, but they just got on my nerves. So I left the country. I wandered the continent, ending up, finally, in England, where I was alone. I tried to become a prostitute, but I lacked the confidence. I lived, for a while, in doorways, and ate scraps from the dustbin. One day, a kindly old woman took pity on me and brought me to her house. When I told her I could no longer see the order of the universe, she mistook my insight for a literal complaint and took me to the eye doctor, where I received my glasses. She was an idiot.

TONY (Advancing): They suit you . . . sort of.

VIVIAN (Withdrawing): I don’t care! I don’t care to be attractive any longer. I’ve moved beyond the pursuit of physical perfe— (She looks at him as a sexual being, for the first time really) Where was I?

TONY: At the ophthalmologist.

VIVIAN: Yes. That’s right. My glasses were symbolic. I saw then, that I had to go on living. It was not time for me to resign myself. And so, I got a job and found new peace. Shortly after that, I met Philip.

TONY: And does he satisfy you?

VIVIAN: What do you mean?

TONY: He looks sickly. He looks like death.

VIVIAN: Oh. You mean physically.

TONY: What else is there?

VIVIAN: You mean sexually.

TONY: Yes.

VIVIAN: We don’t have sex.

TONY: Pardon me?

VIVIAN: I don’t see how it’s any of your business, but we have a spiritual bond. We don’t have to have sex.

TONY: No one has to.

VIVIAN: We don’t choose to.

TONY: How can you love someone without sex?

VIVIAN: Must everything be physical? We’re human beings, not gorillas.

TONY: I think so.

VIVIAN: You’re standing too close to me.

TONY (Not moving): I’m sorry.

VIVIAN (Escaping): You sicken me.

TONY: For someone so enlightened, you’re awfully quick to judge.

VIVIAN: I’m not judging. I’m just feeling queasy.

TONY: You wouldn’t be so cruel, if you knew me better.

VIVIAN: We’ll never know.

TONY: I wasn’t always this Adonis women swoon over.

VIVIAN: I’m not swooning.

TONY: I’ve had a terrible life.

VIVIAN: I can only imagine.

TONY (Obviously lying): You may not believe this, to look at me now, I know it’s hard to believe, but . . . I was very unattractive as a child.

VIVIAN: Oh really?

TONY: Yes. Yes, I was. I was, I was . . . fat! I was very, very fat. I was huge! And I was covered with moles and warts and birthmarks! And I was bowlegged!

VIVIAN: I find this hard to believe.

TONY: I was grotesque and friendless.

VIVIAN: I’m sure you were friendless.

TONY: I spent my days in my room eating cookies and reading Spinoza.

VIVIAN: Then what happened to you? How did you accomplish this “transformation”?

TONY (Stalling): I can’t tell you.

VIVIAN: Fine.

TONY: It’s too painful to relive.

VIVIAN: If you don’t want to tell me.

TONY (Making this up as he goes along): One day, I was driving along with my parents—who were also very ugly—I was driving with them to church.