Foes & Cons by Carrie Aarons (i am malala young readers edition .txt) 📗

hurt you again. You have to believe me, Blair. I had nothing to do with that. And I do love you. I’ve always loved you.”

Years of hurt, shame, and unrequited feelings are being sucked from my soul. My heart feels lighter, like a boulder has been lifted off it. It’s like my body is being cleansed of all the toxic events and thoughts I’ve ever been through or had, and I feel clean.

I’ve learned to stand on my own two feet over the past year, to be more independent than I’ve ever been. Traveling alone to another country, getting my driver’s license, removing my mother from my life; I’ve stepped into the person I needed to be.

But there was one thing I was missing. Having Sawyer’s love, knowing that he feels the same way about me, it somehow makes me whole. This is the last puzzle piece, and it’s just snapped into place. Love suffuses my veins, all of my muscles, and sews up the torn portions of my heart.

It doesn’t mean I’m not still terrified, which is why my defense mechanism comes out.

“Maybe I don’t know what I want. Maybe each time you kiss me, I think about every word you wrote on that list. Maybe I won’t be able to get over what happened on New Year’s, even if you’re telling the truth. I can’t just get that out of my head, Sawyer. The trust we have is so fragile, will it ever hold?” I hiss this, because we’re in a crowded cafeteria full of people hustling to their next class period.

Even so, we’re obviously drawing looks. By this point, I’m sure everyone has heard about what Hailey witnessed on New Year’s Eve, even if there isn’t photographic proof. The rumor is making the rounds, and everyone is flabbergasted by Blair Oden and Sawyer Roarke’s hookup. We’re supposed to be enemies, after all.

And there is the whole him jumping up on a table thing.

He looks stricken, because neither of us can undo what we’ve done to each other.

Sawyer doesn’t say a word.

Instead, in the middle of the Commons, with everyone watching, he picks me up until my toes brush the floor.

And kisses the living daylights out of me.

My arms have no choice but to wrap around his neck, and when his tongue invades my mouth, I melt into the kiss, not caring that we’re making out for the entire school, and its teachers, to see. This feels right, this kiss puts my world back on its axis, and all of the wrongs and hurt are wiped clean.

The page is turned, the chapter is fresh, and I know in my heart that every word he just said is true. I could waste more time fighting it, put up arguments and raise old feuds, but it’s pointless. I want to be with him. Every second I’m not, I’m miserable.

“Ahem.” A throat clears.

Sawyer sets me down, never taking those emerald eyes off me. I can feel the scorching burn in my cheeks as I turn to face Sawyer’s soccer coach, who also happens to be my sophomore year gym teacher.

“That’s quite enough, Roarke. Get to class,” he says sternly.

“Yes, sir.” Sawyer doesn’t take his forehead, or his eyes, off me.

We’re the last two people standing in the Commons when the bell rings.

“I’m going to be late for class.” I grin like an idiot, not moving an inch.

Our arms are still around each other, our noses centimeters apart.

“Who cares?” He breathes onto my lips. “So, are you going to?”

“Am I going to what?” I feel dizzy.

“Love me back?” Sawyer’s voice is husky, ringing with desperate hope.

I press up on my toes, getting as close to him as I possibly can. “No.”

I feel it when he stutters, when it’s as if his heart stops beating.

“What?” His question is weak, quiet.

“I can’t love you back. Not when I’m the one who loved you first. I’ve loved you for a very long time, so really, it’s you who is loving me back.”

Sawyer kisses me then, sweeping me up in his passion. Just as quickly, he breaks off.

“Don’t be so sure about that, B. I’m pretty sure I loved you first.”

My eyes roll as I giggle uncontrollably. “So we’re going to fight about this, too?”

“No, no more fighting. In fact, no more talking.” He dips his head, and indeed, we’re not talking anymore.

We get yelled at by two more teachers before we eventually break apart and make very late arrivals to both of our classes.

28

Blair

It’s kind of strange how easily Sawyer and I fall into step with each other romantically.

One day, we’re best friends. Then we’re enemies, sworn to hate each other. After that we’re stuck in this loathing but lusting stage, and couldn’t figure out which way is up.

The last two weeks have consisted of school, student government, and Sawyer. Every free minute I have is dedicated to spending time with him. Now that his soccer schedule is done, he doesn’t do much more than go to school, where he’s constantly trying to distract me or make me late to class, and then spend all of his other time with me.

Most of that time is spent, well, making up for the time we lost. If you get what I mean.

The two of us have gotten very good, very good, at kissing. Sawyer definitely knows his way around my bra at this point, and I finally rounded third base, on both my end and his. The way he makes me feel … gah, I understand now why people get addicted to someone. Who knew that fingers could do that?

But sex is something I haven’t been able to broach yet. I know Sawyer isn’t a virgin, and he knows I am. He says he’s completely happy to go slow, to take it at my pace, but I still feel some of that unconscious pressure. More from myself than from him. I want to go there, especially with Sawyer, someone I love, but mentally I’m just