Freelance On The Galactic Tunnel Network by E. Foner (best beach reads of all time TXT) 📗

  “It feels like we’ve barely been traveling for a day,” Hildy commented. “You’re excellent company.”

“Do you mean when I’m awake or when I’m sleeping.”

“Both. You don’t snore, in case nobody has ever told you.”

“Thanks. Now that we’re almost there, are you going to tell me about the big promotion EarthCent is co-sponsoring with my paper?”

“It’s hardly a secret. It’s just that public relations is my job, and once I get started talking about Earth, you can’t turn me off. It basically comes down to trying to piggyback on the success the Grenouthians have had with their documentary tours for aliens. Those are focused on Earth history, of course, with visits to old battlefields, technology museums, and reenactment preserves.”

“I heard of those, but I didn’t get a chance to visit one.”

“You may know that we licensed the Grenouthians to build documentary theme parks with human reenactors at three locations of their choice, one of which turned out to be an orbital studio complex. But the Grenouthians noticed that many cities around the world have abandoned sections which could be restored to earlier periods for less than building replicas, and they’ve been pouring money into doing just that. The bunnies have hired tens of thousands of locals to undergo training to reenact life in the seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth centuries, which were all rich fodder for documentaries.”

“And you want EarthCent to do the same?”

“Not at all,” Hildy said with a laugh. “Besides, the Grenouthians weren’t born yesterday, and they insisted on a monopoly before they started investing in the restorations. What I meant is that we want to promote Earth for destination vacations, but for humans rather than aliens. We’re working on wedding venues, dude ranches, a Scottish Highlands paradise, religious pilgrimages—”

“A Scottish Highlands paradise?” Ellen interrupted.

“Time travel romance for the ladies, distilleries and caber tossing for the men. The point is, Earth has a lot to offer human tourists. Our deal actually touches on the news syndication work you’re doing. Whenever a positive story about Earth runs in the Galactic Free Press, we’ll pay to show our advertising alongside. I’m still fine-tuning the ad copy with focus groups, but some variation on, ‘Come home for the vacation of your life,’ will probably be the winner.”

“That’s catchy. But I thought that EarthCent was chronically broke and had no ability to raise revenue. Are the Stryx subsidizing the whole thing?”

“You haven’t heard?” Hildy asked. “Our embassy on Union Station won the auction for the rights to the All Species Cookbook—your publisher and her sister put up the money. It’s turned into an instant bestseller, and for the first time, we have a solid income stream that we can use for whatever we want without seeking Stryx approval. Ambassador McAllister has been licensing subsidiary rights for even more income, like the new Grenouthian cooking show, and a line of prepackaged ingredients to make the recipes. It’s the first time I’ve ever had a real budget to do anything and I intend to take full advantage.”

“But why is creating new business opportunities on Earth a priority?” Ellen asked. “After all, the only authority EarthCent has on the planet is granting extraterritorial status to alien business operations.”

“For starters, we feel that it’s important to keep expatriates connected to Earth in some way, just so they don’t go so native that they forget that they’re human. And even though over sixty percent of humanity now lives on other worlds, there are still more than four billion people on Earth, and four billion people without enough to do with their time can cause a lot of trouble. I don’t know if you read the EarthCent Intelligence report that was released in your paper, but most human criminality on the tunnel network can be traced directly to Earth.”

“I did read that, but I didn’t see much sign of it while I was there. Hey, I’ve got an extra hammock if you want to sleep on my ship once we’re down. I’m going to grab the space elevator back up to Flower.”

“Are you landing on Aarden just because of me?” Hildy asked. “If you want to stop on Flower for a few hours, I always like seeing how they’re doing. I appreciate your hammock offer, but I’ve already agreed to stay with Fanny, if you know her.”

“Everybody knows Fanny,” Ellen said. “I’m landing because I reserved a spot at Rendezvous, and if I don’t take it, you never know what will happen. Besides, I have a story to finish writing, and a long, boring elevator trip is the ideal place. I’ll hitch a ride back down with somebody in a couple of days.”

Fifteen

“Sally!” Rachel cried, and holding her arms up as if she was being robbed, rushed toward her old friend. The two women embraced, and then took a good long look at each other.

“I wish I could say you haven’t changed a bit in thirty-five years,” Sally said. “You look happy, though.”

“I’ve had a good life and I’m not anywhere near ready to quit yet,” Rachel replied. “You certainly haven’t let any moss grow on you. How do you stay so thin?”

“Vergallian vegan,” the president of Colony One said with a rueful smile. “It’s actually very good if you travel in Vergallian space, but everywhere else—ugh.”

“This is Georgia,” Rachel introduced the reporter, who after discussing it with her host, had decided to wear her press ID in the open as usual. “She’s with the Galactic Free Press, as you can see, and she came along for the tour.”

“You look familiar,” Sally said. “Did you attend one of our seminars?”

“On Poalim,” Georgia said. “I had a misconception about your organization, but now I’m a big fan.”

“Thought I was a scam artist, didn’t you? I get that a lot, even