First Kiss Last by Sara Miller (read e book .TXT) 📗

circles over her stomach as if he was studying her body. She looked down and frowned at her belly, vowing to include a little more exercise in her life. Christmas cookies were her nemesis.

“What’s this?” Cade traced a faint scar on her abdomen. “And this?”

“There are three or four,” she answered without looking. “They’re where I had a fibroid removed from my uterus.”

“Oh. I thought maybe it was from . . .” Cade trailed off.

“My miscarriage?” she offered up the hard word.

Cade shifted so he could see her face and nodded, while his hand remained where it was.

“Nah, no physical scars from that,” she tried to smile.

“Will you tell me about it?” Cade’s voice was gentle.

She could tell how much he really cared about her feelings. It made her smile and want to share her sad story with him.

“It was after college, I’d already been working a ‘real job’ quite a few years before I met Eric,” she paused. It was hard talking with Cade about Eric.

“I don’t want to hear about him.” Cade made a face.

“It’s all part of it,” she continued. “He was storybook tall, dark, and handsome. For some reason took interest in me. We dated for a couple months and our, um, physical relationship progressed. He used condoms. I thought it was enough,” she shook her head.

The irony, that she could get pregnant while using protection but not at any other time mocked her. Cade watched her and she realized she had stopped her story.

“So there we were, only a few months into a relationship and all of a sudden I find myself sick as a dog. I thought I had the flu. I was nauseous and so tired. Like, weary to the bone tired. Like, could barely get out of bed tired. I’ve never been that tired before or since.”

“Did you call Lily?”

“No, she was almost eight months pregnant with Emmie. I couldn’t risk getting her sick.” She shook her head. “I called my mom.”

Leah could tell mentioning her mother had really caught Cade’s attention. She rarely talked about her and Cade never asked. All he knew was that she did not have a good relationship with her mother.

“I was desperate. I didn’t know what else to do. If only I’d guessed, thought to take a pregnancy test. Or even asked anyone else to go with me . . . but I didn’t. So she was right there to kick me when I was down. And then, since that wasn’t bad enough, Eric was waiting for me when we got back.” She laughed bitterly, hardly recognizing her own voice. It felt good to tell her story though. After so many years of it being a dark secret.

“Well, you know my mom, she lit into him something fierce. Called him, and me, every name in the book. Then demanded to know what he was going to do about it.’ Literally, that’s what she screamed in his face. She told him he had to marry me. He just went blank and walked out. I didn’t see or even hear from him for more than a week. I didn’t think he’d marry me. I didn’t even think he’d come back. “ She shrugged before continuing.

“We barely knew each other. I . . . cared about him but I wasn’t sure it was love. Then he shocked me. He called and took me out and asked me to marry him,” she shook her head. “I thought he actually wanted me and the baby. That he loved us. I was so naive.” Her hands went to her belly, remembering.

“Mom helped me plan the wedding super-quick. She called it a ‘whirlwind romance’ and everyone gushed. Looking back, I was like, what year is this? I still can’t believe it could happen in this decade. Yet it did. And to me! I was not even three months along when I got married. That’s how fast my mom made it all happen.

“And then I lost the baby at about five months.”

She felt a single tear form. Cade brushed it away before it could spill over.

“I was wrecked. I was married to a stranger. My sister was home with a baby and a toddler and didn’t even know I had been pregnant. And my Mom told me losing the baby was my fault, for having premarital sex. That God was punishing me for my sin. I told her to get out and I haven’t seen her since.”

Cade was sitting up now. He was fuming. Seeing him so upset on her behalf was oddly comforting. She rubbed his back.

“And what did he say?”

“Other than offering a few platitudes? Nothing much. He prefered to act like it never happened.”

Cade laid back down, tossed the blanket over them, and pulled her into his arms.

“I need to hold you so I don’t do something stupid.”

“Something stupid?” she asked.

“Yeah, like go beat the crap outta that asshole or go slap your mom,” he paused then tried again, only to immediately run out of words. “God, Leah . . .”

“I know. But it was a long time ago. And I’m here now.” She burrowed into him and he held her extra tight.

“So . . .”

“Go ahead, ask whatever you want.”

“No more pregnancies?”

She shook her head no.

“But you tried?”

“Just about everything. I took my temp and charted. They did blood tests, ultrasounds, and even x-rayed my fallopian tubes looking for a blockage. I tried the drugs they prescribed, took supplements, and changed my diet. Anything that might help. Eric drew the line at IVF or adoption, but everything else I could try, I did. Including the surgery you noticed in case the fibroid was somehow blocking an egg from implanting. Nothing worked.”

“And they don’t know why?”

“Nope.”

“And yet you stayed with him?”

“I’d made a commitment and I did grow to love him. Plus, I’d gotten pregnant once,” she shrugged, “I kept thinking it could happen again. What was I supposed to do?”

Cade did not offer an answer to that last question. Leah