Manners and Social Usages - Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (mobile ebook reader TXT) 📗

to, of course, so the

parlor-maid, or the waitress, in a large family has much to do. The

best girls for this arduous situation are English, but they are very

difficult to procure. The Germans are not apt to remain long with

one family. The best available parlor-maids are Irishwomen who have

lived some time in this country.

 

A servant often sins from ignorance, therefore time spent in

teaching her is not wasted. She should be supplied with such

utensils as facilitate work, and one very good housekeeper declares

that the virtue of a waitress depends upon an infinity of crash. And

there is no doubt that a large supply of towels is a constant

suggestion of cleanliness that is a great moral support to a

waitress.

 

In these days, when parlors are filled with bric-�-brac, a parlor-maid has no time to do laundry-work, except such part of it as may

pertain to her personally. The best of all arrangements is to hire a

laundress, who will do all the washing of the house. Even in a very

economical household this has been found to be the best plan,

otherwise there is always an unexplained delay when the bell rings.

The appearance at the door of a dishevelled maid, with arms covered

with soapsuds, is not ornamental. If a cook can be found who will

also undertake to do the washing and ironing, it is a better and

more satisfactory arrangement. But in our growing prosperity this

functionary has assumed new and extraordinary importance, and will

do nothing but cook.

 

A young housekeeper beginning her life in a great city finds

herself frequently confronted with the necessity of having four

servants—a cook, a laundress, a waiter or parlor-maid (sometimes

both), and a chambermaid. None of these excellent auxiliaries is

willing to do the other’s work: they generally quarrel. So the first

experience of housekeeping is not agreeable. But it is possible to

find two servants who, if properly trained, will do all the service

of a small family, and do it well.

 

The mistress must carefully define the work of each, or else hire

them with the understanding that neither shall ever say, “This is

not my work.” It is sometimes quite impossible to define what is the

exact duty of each servant. Our housekeeping in this country is so

chaotic, and our frequent changes of house and fortune cause it to

partake so much of the nature of a provisional government, that

every woman must be a Louis Napoleon, and ready for a coup d’�tat

at any moment.

 

The one thing which every lady must firmly demand from her servants

is respect. The harassed and troubled American woman who has to cope

with the worst servants in the world—the ill-trained, incapable,

and vicious peasantry of Europe, who come here to be “as good as

anybody,” and who see that it is easily possible to make a living in

America whether they are respectful or not—that woman has a very

arduous task to perform.

 

But she must gain at least outward respect by insisting upon having

it, and by showing her servants that she regards it as even a

greater desideratum than the efficient discharge of duties. The

mistress must not lose her temper. She must be calm, imperturbable,

and dignified, always. If she gives an order, she must insist, at

whatever personal cost, that it shall be obeyed. Pertinacity and

inflexibility on this point are well bestowed.

 

Where there are children, the nurse is, of course, a most important

part of the household, and often gives more trouble than any of the

other servants, for she is usually an elderly person, impatient of

control, and “set in her ways.” The mistress must make her obey at

once. Nurses are only human, and can be made to conform to the rules

by which humanity is governed.

 

Ladies have adopted for their nurses the French style of dress—dark

stuff gowns, white aprons, and caps. French nurses are, indeed, very

much the fashion, as it is deemed all-important that children should

learn to speak French as soon as they can articulate. But it is so

difficult to find a French nurse who will speak the truth that many

mothers have renounced the accomplished Gaul and hired the Anglo-Saxon, who is often not more veracious.

 

No doubt there was better service when servants were fewer, and when

the mistress looked well after the ways of her household, and

performed certain domestic duties herself. In those early days it

was she who made the best pastry and sweetmeats. It was she who

wrought at the quilting-frame and netted the best bed-curtains. It

was she who darned the tablecloth, with a neatness and exactness

that made the very imperfection a beauty. It was she who made the

currant wine and the blackberry cordial. She knew all the secrets of

clear starching, and taught the ignorant how to do their work

through her educated intelligence. She had, however, native

Americans to teach, and not Irish, Germans, or Swedes. Now, few

native-born Americans will become servants, and the difficulties of

the mistress are thereby increased.

 

A servant cannot be too carefully taught her duty to visitors.

Having first ascertained whether her mistress is at home or not, in

order to save a lady the trouble of alighting from her carriage, she

should answer the ring of the door-bell without loss of time. She

should treat all callers with respect and civility, but at the same

time she should be able to discriminate between friend and foe, and

not unwarily admit those innumerable cheats, frauds, and beggars

who, in a respectable garb, force an entrance to one’s house for the

purpose of theft, or perhaps to sell a cement for broken crockery,

or the last thing in hair-dye.

 

Conscientious servants who comprehend their duties, and who try to

perform them, should, after a certain course of discipline, be

allowed to follow their own methods of working. Interference and

fault-finding injure the temper of an inferior; while suspicion is

bad for anybody, and especially operates against the making of a

good servant.

 

To assure your servants that you believe them to be honest is to fix

in them the habit of honesty. To respect their rights, their hours

of recreation, their religion, their feelings, to wish them good-night and good-morning (after the pretty German fashion), to assist

them in the writing of their letters and in the proper investment of

their earnings, to teach them to read and write and to make their

clothes, so that they may be useful to themselves when they leave

servitude—all this is the pleasurable duty of a good mistress, and

such a course makes good servants.

 

All ignorant natures seek a leader; all servants like to be

commanded by a strong, honest, fair, judicious mistress. They seek

her praise; they fear her censure, not as slaves dread the whip of

the tyrant, but as soldiers respect their superior officer. Bad

temper, injustice, and tyranny make eye-service, but not heart-service.

 

Irresolute persons who do not know their own minds, and cannot

remember their own orders, make very poor masters and mistresses. It

is better that they should give up the business of housekeeping,

and betake themselves to the living in hotels or boarding-houses

with which our English cousins taunt us, little knowing that the

nomadic life they condemn is the outcome of their own failure to

make good citizens of those offscourings of jail and poorhouse and

Irish shanty which they send to us under the guise of domestic

servants.

 

Familiarity with servants always arouses their contempt; a mistress

can be kind without being familiar. She must remember that the

servant looks up to her over the great gulf of a different condition

of life and habit—over the great gulf of ignorance, and that, in

the order of nature, she should respect not only the person in

authority, but the being, as superior to herself. This salutary

influence is thrown away if the mistress descend to familiarity and

intimacy. Certain weak mistresses vary their attitude towards their

servants, first assuming a familiarity of manner which is

disgusting, and which the servant does not mistake for kindness, and

then a tyrannical severity which is as unreasonable as the

familiarity, and, like it, is only a spasm of an ill-regulated mind.

 

Servants should wear thin shoes in the house, and be told to step

lightly, not to slam doors, or drop china, or to rattle forks and

spoons. A quiet servant is the most certain of domestic blessings.

Neatness, good manners, and faithfulness have often insured a stupid

servant of no great efficiency a permanent home with a family. If to

these qualities be added a clear head, an active body, and a

respectful manner, we have that rare article—a perfect servant.

 

CHAPTER XLVI. THE HOUSE WITH ONE SERVANT.

 

Many large families in this country employ but one servant. Although

when life was simpler it was somewhat easier than it is now to

conduct a house with such assistance as may be offered by a maid-of-all-work, it was necessary even then for the ladies of the house to

do some portion of the lighter domestic work.

 

It is a very good plan, when there are several daughters in the

family, to take turns each to test her talent as a housekeeper and

organizer. If, however, the mistress keep the reins in her own

hands, she can detail one of these young ladies to sweep and dust

the parlors, another to attend to the breakfast dishes, another to

make sure that the maid has not neglected any necessary cleansing of

the bedrooms.

 

A mother with young children must have a thoroughly defined and

understood system for the daily work to render it possible for one

servant to perform it all.

 

The maid must rise very early on Monday morning, and do some part of

the laundry work before breakfast. Many old American servants (when

there were such) put the clothes in water to soak, and sometimes to

boil, on Sunday night, that night not having the religious

significance in New England that Saturday night had.

 

Nowadays, however, Irish girls expect to have a holiday every other

Sunday afternoon and evening, and it would probably be vain to

expect this service of them. But at least they should rise by five

o’clock, and do two hours’ good work before it is time to prepare

the breakfast and lay the table.

 

A neat-handed Phyllis will have a clean gown, cap, and apron hanging

in the kitchen closet, and slip them on before she carries in the

breakfast, which she has cooked and must serve. Some girls show

great tact in this matter of appearing neat at the right time, but

many of them have to be taught by the mistress to have a clean cap

and apron in readiness. The mistress usually furnishes these items

of her maid’s attire, and they should be the property of the

mistress, and remain in the family through all changes of servants.

They can be bought at almost any repository conducted in the

interest of charity for less than they can be made at home, and a

dozen of them in a house greatly improves the appearance of the

servants.

 

The cook, having prepared the breakfast and waited at table, places

in front of her mistress a neat, wooden tub, with a little cotton-yarn mop and two clean towels, and then retreats to the kitchen with

the heavy dishes and knives and forks. The lady proceeds to wash the

glass, silver, and china, draining the things on a waiter, and

wiping them on her dainty linen towels. It is not a disagreeable

operation, and all gentlemen say they like to eat and drink from

utensils which have been