Whose Body? - Dorothy L. Sayers (8 ebook reader .txt) 📗

responsibility.”

“Affecting others besides yourself?”

“Affecting one other person vitally, and a very great number indirectly.”

“Yes. The time was night. You were sitting in the dark?”

“Not at first. I think I put the light out afterwards.”

“Quite so⁠—that action would naturally suggest itself to you. Were you warm?”

“I think the fire had died down. My man tells me that my teeth were chattering when I went in to him.”

“Yes. You live in Piccadilly?”

“Yes.”

“Heavy traffic sometimes goes past during the night, I expect.”

“Oh, frequently.”

“Just so. Now this decision you refer to⁠—you had taken that decision.”

“Yes.”

“Your mind was made up?”

“Oh, yes.”

“You had decided to take the action, whatever it was.”

“Yes.”

“Yes. It involved perhaps a period of inaction.”

“Of comparative inaction⁠—yes.”

“Of suspense, shall we say?”

“Yes⁠—of suspense, certainly.”

“Possibly of some danger?”

“I don’t know that that was in my mind at the time.”

“No⁠—it was a case in which you could not possibly consider yourself.”

“If you like to put it that way.”

“Quite so. Yes. You had these attacks frequently in 1918?”

“Yes⁠—I was very ill for some months.”

“Quite. Since then they have recurred less frequently?”

“Much less frequently.”

“Yes⁠—when did the last occur?”

“About nine months ago.”

“Under what circumstances?”

“I was being worried by certain family matters. It was a question of deciding about some investments, and I was largely responsible.”

“Yes. You were interested last year, I think, in some police case?”

“Yes⁠—in the recovery of Lord Attenbury’s emerald necklace.”

“That involved some severe mental exercise?”

“I suppose so. But I enjoyed it very much.”

“Yes. Was the exertion of solving the problem attended by any bad results physically?”

“None.”

“No. You were interested, but not distressed.”

“Exactly.”

“Yes. You have been engaged in other investigations of the kind?”

“Yes. Little ones.”

“With bad results for your health?”

“Not a bit of it. On the contrary. I took up these cases as a sort of distraction. I had a bad knock just after the war, which didn’t make matters any better for me, don’t you know.”

“Ah! you are not married?”

“No.”

“No. Will you allow me to make an examination? Just come a little nearer to the light. I want to see your eyes. Whose advice have you had till now?”

“Sir James Hodges’.”

“Ah! yes⁠—he was a sad loss to the medical profession. A really great man⁠—a true scientist. Yes. Thank you. Now I should like to try you with this little invention.”

“What’s it do?”

“Well⁠—it tells me about your nervous reactions. Will you sit here?”

The examination that followed was purely medical. When it was concluded, Sir Julian said:

“Now, Lord Peter, I’ll tell you about yourself in quite untechnical language⁠—”

“Thanks,” said Peter, “that’s kind of you. I’m an awful fool about long words.”

“Yes. Are you fond of private theatricals, Lord Peter?”

“Not particularly,” said Peter, genuinely surprised. “Awful bore as a rule. Why?”

“I thought you might be,” said the specialist, drily. “Well, now. You know quite well that the strain you put on your nerves during the war has left its mark on you. It has left what I may call old wounds in your brain. Sensations received by your nerve-endings sent messages to your brain, and produced minute physical changes there⁠—changes we are only beginning to be able to detect, even with our most delicate instruments. These changes in their turn set up sensations; or I should say, more accurately, that sensations are the names we give to these changes of tissue when we perceive them: we call them horror, fear, sense of responsibility and so on.”

“Yes, I follow you.”

“Very well. Now, if you stimulate those damaged places in your brain again, you run the risk of opening up the old wounds. I mean, that if you get nerve-sensations of any kind producing the reactions which we call horror, fear, and sense of responsibility, they may go on to make disturbance right along the old channel, and produce in their turn physical changes which you will call by the names you were accustomed to associate with them⁠—dread of German mines, responsibility for the lives of your men, strained attention and the inability to distinguish small sounds through the overpowering noise of guns.”

“I see.”

“This effect would be increased by extraneous circumstances producing other familiar physical sensations⁠—night, cold or the rattling of heavy traffic, for instance.”

“Yes.”

“Yes. The old wounds are nearly healed, but not quite. The ordinary exercise of your mental faculties has no bad effect. It is only when you excite the injured part of your brain.”

“Yes, I see.”

“Yes. You must avoid these occasions. You must learn to be irresponsible, Lord Peter.”

“My friends say I’m only too irresponsible already.”

“Very likely. A sensitive nervous temperament often appears so, owing to its mental nimbleness.”

“Oh!”

“Yes. This particular responsibility you were speaking of still rests upon you?”

“Yes, it does.”

“You have not yet completed the course of action on which you have decided?”

“Not yet.”

“You feel bound to carry it through?”

“Oh, yes⁠—I can’t back out of it now.”

“No. You are expecting further strain?”

“A certain amount.”

“Do you expect it to last much longer?”

“Very little longer now.”

“Ah! Your nerves are not all they should be.”

“No?”

“No. Nothing to be alarmed about, but you must exercise care while undergoing this strain, and afterwards you should take a complete rest. How about a voyage in the Mediterranean or the South Seas or somewhere?”

“Thanks. I’ll think about it.”

“Meanwhile, to carry you over the immediate trouble I will give you something to strengthen your nerves. It will do you no permanent good, you understand, but it will tide you over the bad time. And I will give you a prescription.”

“Thank you.”

Sir Julian got up and went into a small surgery leading out of the consulting-room. Lord Peter watched him moving about⁠—boiling something and writing. Presently he returned with a paper and a hypodermic syringe.

“Here is the prescription. And now, if you will just roll up your sleeve, I will deal with the necessity of the immediate moment.”

Lord Peter obediently rolled up his sleeve. Sir Julian Freke selected a portion of his forearm and anointed it with iodine.

“What’s that you’re goin’ to stick into me. Bugs?”

The surgeon laughed.

“Not exactly,” he said. He pinched up a portion of flesh between his finger and thumb. “You’ve