Short Fiction - Algis Budrys (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📗

could, her wings cushioned on the rising thrust of another thermal.

And, suddenly, it was as if there were no girl beside him, to be teased, and no air to rock the wings⁠—there were no wings. His face lost all expression. Faint beads of sweat broke out above his eyes and under his nose. “Up,” he grunted through his clenched teeth. His fists locked on the wheel. “Up!”

The Navion broke through the cloud, kept going. “Up.” If he listened closely, in just the right way, he could almost hear⁠ ⁠…

“Marty!”

… the rumble of a louder, prouder engine than the Earth had ever known. He sighed, the breath whispering through his parting teeth, and the aircraft leveled off as he pushed at the wheel with suddenly lax hands. Still half-lost, he turned and looked at the white-faced girl. “Scare you⁠—?” he asked gently.

She nodded. Her fingertips were trembling on his forearm.

“Me too,” he said. “Lost my head. Sorry.”

“Look,” he told the girl, “You got any idea of what it costs to maintain a racing-plane? Everything I own is tied up in the Foo, my ground crew, my trailer, and that scrummy old Ryan that should have been salvaged ten years ago. I can’t get married. Suppose I crack the Foo next week? You’re dead broke, a widow, and with a funeral to pay for. The only smart thing to do is wait a while.”

Nan’s eyes clouded, and her lips trembled. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say. Why do you have to win the Vandenberg Cup next week? Why can’t you sell the Foo and go into some kind of business? You’re a trained pilot.”

He had been standing in front of her with his body unconsciously tense from the strain of trying to make her understand. Now he relaxed⁠—more⁠—he slumped⁠—and something began to die in his face, and the first faint lines crept in to show that after it had died, it would not return to life, but would fossilize, leaving his features in the almost unreadable mask that the newspapers would come to know.

“I’m a good bit more than a trained pilot,” he said quietly. “The Foo is a means to an end. After I win the Vandenberg Cup, I can walk into any plant in the States⁠—Douglas, North American, Boeing⁠—any of them⁠—and pick up the Chief Test Pilot’s job for the asking. A few of them have as good as said so. After that⁠—” His voice had regained some of its former animation from this new source. Now he broke off, and shrugged. “I’ve told you all this before.”

The girl reached up, as if the physical touch could bring him back to her, and put her fingers around his wrist. “Darling!” she said. “If it’s that rocket pilot business again.⁠ ⁠…”

Somehow, his wrist was out of her encircling fingers. “It’s always ‘that rocket pilot business,’ ” he said, mimicking her voice. “Damn it, I’m the only trained rocket pilot in the world! I weigh a hundred and fifteen pounds, I’m five feet tall, and I know more navigation and math than anybody the Air Force or Navy have! I can use words like ‘brennschluss’ and ‘mass-ratio’ without running over to a copy of Colliers, and I⁠—” He stopped himself, half-smiled, and shrugged again.

“I guess I was kidding myself. After the Cup, there’ll be the test job, and after that, there’ll be the rockets. You would have had to wait a long time.”

All she could think of to say was, “But, Darling, there aren’t any man-carrying rockets.”

“That’s not my fault,” he said, and walked away from her.

A week later, he took his stripped-down F-110 across the last line with a scream like that of a hawk that brings its prey safely to its nest.

He brought the Mark VII out of her orbit after two days of running rings around the spinning Earth, and the world loved him. He climbed out of the crackling, pinging ship, bearded and dirty, with oil on his face and in his hair, with food stains all over his whipcord, red-eyed, and huskily quiet as he said his few words into the network microphones. And he was not satisfied. There was no peace in his eyes, and his hands moved even more sharply in their expressive gestures as he gave an impromptu report to the technicians who were walking back to the personnel bunker with him.

Nan could see that. Four years ago, he had been different. Four years ago, if she had only known the right words, he wouldn’t be so intent now on throwing himself away to the sky.

She was a woman scorned. She had to lie to herself. She broke out of the press section and ran over to him. “Marty!” She brushed past a technician.

He looked at her with faint surprise on his face. “Well, Nan!” he mumbled. But he did not put his hand over her own where it touched his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Marty,” she said in a rush. “I didn’t understand. I couldn’t see how much it all meant.” Her face was flushed, and she spoke as rapidly as she could, not noticing that Ish had already gestured away the guards she was afraid would interrupt her.

“But it’s all right, now. You got your rockets. You’ve done it. You trained yourself for it, and now it’s over. You’ve flown your rocket!”

He looked up at her face and shook his head in quiet pity. One of the shocked technicians was trying to pull her away, and Ish made no move to stop him.

Suddenly, he was tired, there was something in him that was trying to break out against his will, and his reaction was that of a child whose candy is being taken away from him after only one bite.

“Rocket!” he shouted into her terrified face. “Rocket! Call that pile of tin a rocket?” He pointed at the weary Mark VII with a trembling arm. “Who cares about the bloody machines! If I thought roller-skating would get me there, I would have