A Sprinkle of Sabotage by Fiona Leitch (bill gates book recommendations TXT) 📗

spot that reminded me so much of Nathan. I tried not to imagine the six-pack lurking under his puffer jacket. Oh God, I was so confused and over-emotional; I really should just stick to dogs and murder cases…

Tony stood up and put out his hand to stop me untying Germaine and escaping. ‘Now you know how I felt when you were seeing Duncan.’

I gaped at him. I’d had a short-lived, ill-advised, and, as it turned out, pretty chaste fling with the artist Duncan Stovall when he’d visited Penstowan as part of the town’s arts festival. I knew Tony hadn’t exactly approved of the relationship, but jealous?

‘But … I…’ I started, but I had no idea where the sentence was going. We looked at each other, the atmosphere charged with … something, and before I knew what was happening, Tony lunged at me, sweeping me into his arms and pressing his lips against mine. I wasn’t wholly against the idea, and he wasn’t a bad kisser; his breath was fresh, and he was gentle and tender and did all the things that make a good kiss. And yet…

He pulled away and looked at me, with a slightly puzzled look on his face. Neither of us spoke for a moment, and then he took a deep breath. Oh God, I thought, although I wasn’t sure why. My mind was spinning like a disoriented hamster on a wheel.

‘Okay,’ he said. ‘First off, sorry for just grabbing you like that—’

‘No, no, it’s fine,’ I protested. ‘I wanted you to. I think.’

‘Oh, good.’ He looked at me awkwardly. ‘I ain’t normally a grabber…’

‘No, I know you’re not. It’s fine.’

‘Good.’ We stood and stared at each other again, not entirely sure what was going on here.

I have to get the hell out of here, I thought to myself, tearing my eyes away from his. I have to get Germaine and escape before he insists on discussing what just happened because—

He took another deep breath.

Oh crap, too late…

‘All right, I’m going to say it if you won’t,’ he said, and then stopped. I waited, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to say anything. Say what, exactly? He sighed. ‘I must’ve played that scene over and over in my head hundreds of times over the years, and it was never quite… I mean, you know I’m daft; I was expecting fireworks, violins—’

‘Choirs of angels,’ I added. He nodded.

‘Choirs of angels, yeah. I weren’t expecting—’

‘Weirdness.’ I hadn’t known that was what I was feeling until I said it. His face cleared.

‘Oh, thank Christ for that. Yes, weirdness. It felt like—’

‘—kissing your sister.’

He nodded. ‘Yeah. It just felt … odd.’ He forced on a smile, trying to lighten the mood. ‘I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d still happily have sex with you. I mean, I am a bloke—’

‘Yeah, well, the idea doesn’t entirely repulse me either,’ I said.

‘Oh, well, that’s good then.’

We stood and stared at each other again for a moment, and then he laughed. And then I did too, and it was still awkward but we knew we’d get past it.

‘I’m not suggesting that we should sleep together, mind you,’ he said, suddenly alarmed. I shook my head vehemently.

‘Oh no, definitely not!’ I said. ‘Sorry, that came out more forcefully than it was meant to. It’s not that you’re not attractive, it’s just…’

‘You love me like a brother.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘I know. I was certain this was what I wanted an’ all. I am proper flummoxed.’

‘Bamboozled.’

‘Flabbergasted.’

‘Discombobulated.’

‘Is that a real word?’

We looked at each other and laughed softly again. I sighed and reached out to take his hands.

‘You know that I’m not given to talking about my feelings,’ I said, and he nodded. ‘I’m only going to say this once, so you’d better pay attention.’ I took a deep breath. I could feel myself getting emotional, and I gave myself a stern talking to before continuing. ‘I love you, Tony Penhaligon. I really do. My life is all the better for having you in it. You’re a brilliant male role model for Daisy – so much better than her flipping useless father – and my mum loves you; even the dog loves you. And I think maybe we had to do this, just to see what it was like.’

‘But…?’

‘I think we had our moment, and we missed it.’

He looked so sad at that, that I nearly relented and shouted, ‘Kidding!’ and flung myself into his arms again, but it wouldn’t be right. And more to the point, Tony knew it wasn’t right too.

‘I should have kissed you twenty years ago,’ he said, and I nodded.

‘Maybe you should have. But back then, I was determined to leave Penstowan, and you’ve never wanted to live anywhere else.’

‘I might have moved, for you,’ he said, and I had to blink back sudden tears.

‘You would have hated London, and you’d have ended up hating me for dragging you there,’ I said. And Nathan might hate me if I make him stay here, I thought.

‘I could never hate you, Jodie.’

‘Well, this way we’ll never have to find that out, will we? Because if you and I stay best friends, we’ll be in each other’s lives for ever.’ A tear escaped my stupid, stupid eyes and I swiped it away. Because it was true. We might have made a go of it years ago, but we’d been friends for too long. There was no way I wanted to risk losing that, and neither did he.

‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘When you told me on that New Year’s Eve a few years ago that you’d split up with Richard, I thought, finally you’ll come back and I can tell you how I feel. That were my New Year’s resolution. But you didn’t come back straightaway, and I met Cheryl, and… I think I’ve just been really lonely since the wedding that never was. And you are my best mate. And I thought…’

I burst into tears, which was daft because this was all completely mutual