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was afraid that it was a sure sign of my shaky hold on reality.

After dinner we planned our next steps. Marc wanted to travel with us and although I feared his goddess I trusted him. He seemed to genuinely want to help and apparently his goddess agreed with him. Rose still planned to remain behind. I had given her the letter of credit and explained my thoughts concerning the bankers and their motives. She probably understood them much better than I did. She was certainly surprised at the amount of money that would be available to her.

“Who would have thought that Tyndal Illeniel was so rich?” she said. “He never flaunted it or showed any sign while he was alive. Not that I knew him personally, but if anyone knew he had such a fortune I’m sure I would have heard of it before now.”

“The real question is what you’ll do with the money, gold won’t stop an army,” Marc opined.

“As I understand it, Mordecai needs several things, men and weapons, raw materials, supplies and food, and as much of all of them as he can get,” she replied. “I will begin sending wagons with materials and supplies as soon as I start making arrangements. I will follow with the men later.”

I was still unsure. I had never been a political genius but I had read a lot and mercenaries worried me, “Are you sure sell-swords are a good idea? From what I’ve heard they’re as dangerous to their employers as they are to the enemy, perhaps more so.”

Lady Rose’s eyes lit on me, “Actually I need to discuss that with you. Mercenaries are much less trustworthy than men fighting for their homes, that is certainly true. I wonder if you would consider offering them more than gold?”

I wasn’t sure what she meant, “What else do I have to offer?”

“Land,” she stated simply. “Offer them land for farms and homes, with money to build once the fighting is done. There are a large number of men in Lothion who would jump at such an offer: the poor, the unemployed and dispossessed, the younger sons of farmers with nothing to inherit. The chance to become a freeholder with their own land would be a powerful incentive. It would give them a strong reason for fighting to win rather than just to survive long enough to collect their pay.”

That had never occurred to me. In fact most of the Cameron lands were uninhabited, more so now after seventeen years with no lord to maintain them. New freeholds would mean more taxes, more farming, and more men to defend the land in the future, not just today. If Dorian’s remarks about a lord’s power being built upon the strength of his people were correct then I was a relatively weak lord. More people would change that dramatically.

“I think you may have hit upon an excellent idea,” I replied after some thought. No man can own the earth; merely share it for a while. “Shut up!” I shouted at the voice. After a pause I realized everyone was staring at me. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t directed at you Rose.”

Rose studied me for a moment, I could almost hear the gears turning in that keen mind of hers, “The voices are getting stronger aren’t they Mordecai?” Concern was clear on her face.

“Not exactly... maybe, I’m not sure. Please, let’s move on. I’m fine and we have a lot to decide,” I said. The discussion continued but I kept catching my friends giving me worried looks from the corner of their eyes, whenever they thought I wasn’t looking.

You aren’t mad. It only seems so because they can’t accept the truth. Stop denying and accept it, this is what you are. The only insanity is your struggle to deny reality.

I closed my eyes again while everyone discussed what sorts of materials would be most useful for stopping the forces of Gododdin. Tears welled up from the corners of my eyes. I’m going insane, right in front of them, I thought. The voice was so clear; I could even tell it was a woman’s from the tone.

I was a woman once, the words answered my unspoken question.

What are you now? I thought back at it without meaning to.

I am not sure. Time is different now. No one can hear me, an age has passed and men have forgotten me.

Who are you? I asked. I had given up but shame had the tears flowing freely down my face.

I don’t remember. But I loved a man once... he bore your name.

He was an Illeniel? I thought back.

Yes, Mordecai Illeniel was his name. The voice paused but I could almost feel the pain behind the memory, then it continued. He was much like you.

Mordecai?

“Mordecai!” I could feel someone shaking me.

“Mordecai look at me!” I opened my eyes. Penny was holding my head in her hands while she crouched beside me. I hadn’t seen her look so worried since I had been thrown from that horse a year ago. “Come back to me Mort. Focus... stay with me. Can you hear me?”

“I’m not deaf Penny,” I smiled at her.

“You’re not normal either. You were sitting at the table with your eyes closed, crying,” she leaned in to kiss me, ignoring the eyes of everyone around us. “We have to do something Mort. I don’t think you have much time,” she said.

I was much calmer now. Something about my conversation with the voice had left me feeling better. I tried to convey that to her, “It’s alright Penny. I think I’m better now. I understand a little more. The voice has been talking to me... explaining things. It isn’t as sinister as I thought. Given a little time I think we can understand each other.”

Cyhan spoke up, “It’s almost too late. He’s much farther gone than I suspected. You need to form the bond now, before his mind slips completely away.”

“But I haven’t had any training,” Penny said.

“You don’t need it to form

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