Forgive Me by Kateri Stanley (love letters to the dead txt) 📗

Peter’s eyes grew momentarily serious. “In my line of work, it’s following Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

“I've heard about the book. Never read it though. Loved the movie. Jack Nicholson nailed it as RP McMurphy.”

“What I meant is Ken Kesey, the writer, signed up to be experimented on by taking psychotropic drugs. His product is the book.”

Latoya was beginning to lose him. “Can you divulge more?”

“I can’t. Not here.” Peter handed her his business card. “Call me, and we can make an appointment.”

Her stomach dipped, this could’ve been a set-up, to jump her bones when nobody was around. She'd been in the porn industry long enough to know the signs; she knew plenty of sleazy guys, there was a salacious reason why it was called ‘the casting couch.’ Most of the time, the directors or producers were just a loser with a hard-on wanting to see naked women. Then after the audition process, they’d say the funding to their movie had crashed so it couldn’t be shot. A realistic get-out lie.

“Don’t worry, Latoya,” he said. “I'm not setting you up for an unpleasant cliff-hanger, or anything seedy. I promise.”

She nodded, taking the card from him still hesitant. “So you're leaving the ball in my court?”

Peter smiled. “Of course. I don't want to waste your time if you're not interested.”

He said his goodbyes and left the café. Latoya had to admit, she didn’t feel judged by him. He didn't give her the stink eye or make some kind of smutty remark.

She sat on what he said for a couple of weeks, his words swirling around her brain and the card lived in the breast pocket of her jacket. This might be your ticket out of here.

Before she knew it, she was in his office. Peter was pleasant and his colleague Sheila made her coffee to put her at ease. She had to sign a confidentiality statement, even if she wasn’t interested, she couldn't divulge the information to anyone. After his pitch, Latoya sat back in shock. She had to take a couple of minutes to assemble her thoughts.

“So, what do you think?” Peter asked.

“Well, you got unorthodox right.” Latoya laughed, in turn so did Peter. “I mean, it’s risky to work in porn but from what you said, the pay and the benefits are better.”

Peter was offering her a job. It wasn't a typical nine till five office thing. It had its hazards. If she took it, she wouldn't have to worry about being harassed or stalked by fans. She wouldn't have to lie or abbreviate about her profession. There wouldn't be any more rigorous blood tests for HIV and hepatitis. No more late nights or long shifts filming. No more prolonged exhaustion of having to fuck someone when she wasn't in the mood or someone she didn't have the hots for. The money Peter was offering could potentially buy her a house, get her back into school, she’d finally get her diploma as she’d ran out on that dream a long time ago. A fresh start, Peter had said.

Latoya asked about previous participants and Peter informed her that the prior test worker was a drug addict. She'd tried to climb her way to glitzy Hollywood to be an actress but she couldn’t kick the chemical habit. She joined the programme and it put her on the straight and narrow. Latoya noticed there was sadness in Peter’s gaze when he began to talk about the woman.

“What do you think?” Peter asked again, leaning over his desk, joining his hands together. “Have I scared you?”

Stay in the porn industry and forget about it or take the job and rebuild. Her mind was torn, Peter hadn’t painted the proposition beautifully, she'd go through the worse pain in her life. The job had a price to pay.

Latoya sat waiting for the camera man to finish setting up. She whizzed through the scene. Sexy dancing, tit and ass work, blow job, finishing on a fast fuck, leaning over a chair as she got pounded from behind. She'd done the dance a million times. After she finished, the crew clapped a job well-done and she performed her comedic bow to everyone in the nude.

After the shoot, she went to the local bar with her colleague, William. He offered to buy her dinner and she happily obliged. She’d known him for a couple of years. He was the only guy she enjoyed having sex with on camera. He was supportive, affectionate and sensitive. She knew she fancied him, from his way of thinking to his silky brown skin, his magnificent strength in his body and the bright shine in his eyes. He's quite beautiful.

“God, why did us lost souls get into this business?” he asked, spinning the beer bottle in his hand. “Toya, you’re staring at me...”

She returned a smile; she knew she was. She'd stared at him long enough on purpose, to get his pulse racing. Then she leaned over the table, pulling him into a kiss. After a couple of minutes, Will pulled back from her embrace. “T, what are you doing?”

“I’ve been wanting to tell you for ages.”

“Tell me what?”

“I like you...”

He smiled in relief. “I like you too...”

Within no time, they burst into her motel room, lips and hands grabbing at each other. Latoya pushed him onto the bed and his back gently hit the mattress. They kissed like two crazy lovers and Will had to pry her off him as if she was a hungry lioness on the prowl.

“Wait, I don’t have condoms,” he gasped, panting from the passion.

“That's okay, baby,” she said. “I know my body.”

Will smiled tiredly and he pulled her top over her head.

Just dive in...

When she announced she was leaving adult movies, Latoya couldn’t have been happier. The crew were downhearted about her departure but as she explained her reasons, they knew it was time for a new chapter. The secrecy of Peter’s project burned in the pits