The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame (most popular ebook readers txt) 📗

that was done hundreds of years before he ever came to live there⁠—and he repaired it and cleaned it out, because he thought it might come in useful some day, in case of trouble or danger; and he showed it to me. ‘Don’t let my son know about it,’ he said. ‘He’s a good boy, but very light and volatile in character, and simply cannot hold his tongue. If he’s ever in a real fix, and it would be of use to him, you may tell him about the secret passage; but not before.’ ”

The other animals looked hard at Toad to see how he would take it. Toad was inclined to be sulky at first; but he brightened up immediately, like the good fellow he was.

“Well, well,” he said; “perhaps I am a bit of a talker. A popular fellow such as I am⁠—my friends get round me⁠—we chaff, we sparkle, we tell witty stories⁠—and somehow my tongue gets wagging. I have the gift of conversation. I’ve been told I ought to have a salon, whatever that may be. Never mind. Go on, Badger. How’s this passage of yours going to help us?”

“I’ve found out a thing or two lately,” continued the Badger. “I got Otter to disguise himself as a sweep and call at the backdoor with brushes over his shoulder, asking for a job. There’s going to be a big banquet tomorrow night. It’s somebody’s birthday⁠—the Chief Weasel’s, I believe⁠—and all the weasels will be gathered together in the dining-hall, eating and drinking and laughing and carrying on, suspecting nothing. No guns, no swords, no sticks, no arms of any sort whatever!”

“But the sentinels will be posted as usual,” remarked the Rat.

“Exactly,” said the Badger; “that is my point. The weasels will trust entirely to their excellent sentinels. And that is where the passage comes in. That very useful tunnel leads right up under the butler’s pantry, next to the dining-hall!”

“Aha! that squeaky board in the butler’s pantry!” said Toad. “Now I understand it!”

“We shall creep out quietly into the butler’s pantry⁠—” cried the Mole.

“⁠—with our pistols and swords and sticks⁠—” shouted the Rat.

“⁠—and rush in upon them,” said the Badger.

“⁠—and whack ’em, and whack ’em, and whack ’em!” cried the Toad in ecstasy, running round and round the room, and jumping over the chairs.

“Very well, then,” said the Badger, resuming his usual dry manner, “our plan is settled, and there’s nothing more for you to argue and squabble about. So, as it’s getting very late, all of you go right off to bed at once. We will make all the necessary arrangements in the course of the morning tomorrow.”

Toad, of course, went off to bed dutifully with the rest⁠—he knew better than to refuse⁠—though he was feeling much too excited to sleep. But he had had a long day, with many events crowded into it; and sheets and blankets were very friendly and comforting things, after plain straw, and not too much of it, spread on the stone floor of a draughty cell; and his head had not been many seconds on his pillow before he was snoring happily. Naturally, he dreamt a good deal; about roads that ran away from him just when he wanted them, and canals that chased him and caught him, and a barge that sailed into the banqueting-hall with his week’s washing, just as he was giving a dinner-party; and he was alone in the secret passage, pushing onwards, but it twisted and turned round and shook itself, and sat up on its end; yet somehow, at the last, he found himself back in Toad Hall, safe and triumphant, with all his friends gathered round about him, earnestly assuring him that he really was a clever Toad.

He slept till a late hour next morning, and by the time he got down he found that the other animals had finished their breakfast some time before. The Mole had slipped off somewhere by himself, without telling anyone where he was going to. The Badger sat in the armchair, reading the paper, and not concerning himself in the slightest about what was going to happen that very evening. The Rat, on the other hand, was running round the room busily, with his arms full of weapons of every kind, distributing them in four little heaps on the floor, and saying excitedly under his breath, as he ran, “Here’s-a-sword-for-the-Rat, here’s-a-sword-for-the-Mole, here’s-a-sword-for-the-Toad, here’s-a-sword-for-the-Badger! Here’s-a-pistol-for-the-Rat, here’s-a-pistol-for-the-Mole, here’s-a-pistol-for-the-Toad, here’s-a-pistol-for-the-Badger!” And so on, in a regular, rhythmical way, while the four little heaps gradually grew and grew.

“That’s all very well, Rat,” said the Badger presently, looking at the busy little animal over the edge of his newspaper; “I’m not blaming you. But just let us once get past the stoats, with those detestable guns of theirs, and I assure you we shan’t want any swords or pistols. We four, with our sticks, once we’re inside the dining-hall, why, we shall clear the floor of all the lot of them in five minutes. I’d have done the whole thing by myself, only I didn’t want to deprive you fellows of the fun!”

“It’s as well to be on the safe side,” said the Rat reflectively, polishing a pistol-barrel on his sleeve and looking along it.

The Toad, having finished his breakfast, picked up a stout stick and swung it vigorously, belabouring imaginary animals. “I’ll learn ’em to steal my house!” he cried. “I’ll learn ’em, I’ll learn ’em!”

“Don’t say ‘learn ’em,’ Toad,” said the Rat, greatly shocked. “It’s not good English.”

“What are you always nagging at Toad for?” inquired the Badger, rather peevishly. “What’s the matter with his English? It’s the same what I use myself, and if it’s good enough for me, it ought to be good enough for you!”

“I’m very sorry,” said the Rat humbly. “Only I think it ought to be ‘teach ’em,’ not ‘learn ’em.’ ”

“But we don’t want to teach ’em,” replied the Badger. “We want to learn ’em⁠—learn ’em, learn ’em! And what’s more, we’re going to do