Etiquette - Emily Post (english novels for students TXT) 📗

great prominence, ran far into the hundreds, never went to bed a single night before her wedding until a note of thanks was checked against every present received that day. To those who offered to help her through her overwhelming task, she, who is supposed to be very spoiled, answered: "If people are kind enough to go out and buy a present for me, I think the least I can do is to write at once and thank them." That her effort was appreciated was evident by everyone's commenting on her prompt and charming notes.

Notes of thanks can be very short, but they should be written with as little delay as possible. When a present is sent by a married couple, the bride writes to the wife and thanks both: "Thank you for the lovely present you and Mr. Jones sent me."

Arranging The Presents

Not so much in an effort to parade her possessions as to do justice to the kindness of the many people who have sent them, a bride should show her appreciation of their gifts by placing each one in the position of greatest advantage. Naturally, all people's tastes are not equally pleasing to the taste of the bride—nor are all pocketbooks equally filled. Very valuable presents are better put in close contrast with others of like quality—or others entirely different in character. Colors should be carefully grouped. Two presents, both lovely in themselves, can be made completely destructive to each other if the colors are allowed to clash.

Usually china is put on one table, silver on another, glass on another, laces and linens on another. But pieces that jar together must be separated as far apart as possible and perhaps even moved to other surroundings. A crudely designed piece of silverware should not be left among beautiful examples, but be put among china ornaments, or other articles that do not reveal its lack of fineness by too direct comparison. For the same reason imitation lace should not be put next to real, nor stone-ware next to Chinese porcelain. To group duplicates is another unfortunate arrangement. Eighteen pairs of pepper pots or fourteen sauce-boats in a row might as well be labeled: "Look at this stupidity! What can she do with all of us?" They are sure to make the givers feel at least a little chagrined at their choice.

Cards With Presents

When Mrs. Smith orders a present sent to a bride, she encloses a card reading: "Mr. & Mrs. John Huntington Smith." Nearly every married woman has a plate engraved with both names, but if she hasn't, then she encloses Mr. Smith's card with hers.

Some people write "All good wishes" or "With best wishes," but most people send cards without messages.

Delayed Presents

If because of illness or absence, a present is not sent until after the wedding, a short note should accompany it, giving the reason for the delay.

When The Presents Are Shown

There is absolutely no impropriety in showing the presents at the wedding reception. They are always shown at country weddings, and, more often than not, at the most fashionable town houses. The only reason for not showing them, is lack of room in an apartment house. In a town house, an up-stairs library, or even a bedroom, from which all the furniture has been removed, is suitable. Tables covered with white damask (plain) tablecloths are put like counters around the sides, and down the center of the room. The cards that were sent with the gifts are sometimes removed, but there is no impropriety in leaving them on, and it certainly saves members of the family from repeating many times who sent this one, and who sent that!

If the house is small so that there is no room available for this display at the wedding, the presents are shown on the day before, and intimate friends are especially asked to come in for tea, and to view them. This is not done if they are to be displayed at the wedding.

Very intimate friends seldom need to be asked; the chances are they will come in often, to see what has come since they were in last!

Wedding presents are all sent to the bride, and are, according to law, her personal property. Articles are marked with her present—not her future—initials. Mary Smith who is going to marry Jim Smartlington is fortunate as M.S. stands for her future as well as her present name. But in the case of Muriel Jones who is to marry Ross, not a piece of linen or silver in "Ross house" will be marked otherwise than "M.J." It is one of the most senseless customs: all her life which will be as Muriel Ross, she uses linen and silver marked with a "J." Later on many people who go to her house—especially as Ross comes from California where she will naturally be living—will not know what "J" stands for, and many even imagine that the linen and plate have been acquired at auction! Sounds impossible? It has happened more than once.

Occasional brides who dislike the confusing initials, especially ask that presents be marked with their marriage name.

The groom receives few presents. Even those who care about him in particular and have never met his bride, send their present to her, unless they send two presents, one in courtesy to her and one in affection to him. Occasionally some one does send the groom a present, addressed to him and sent to his house. Rather often friends of the groom pick out things particularly suitable for him, such as cigar or cigarette boxes, or rather masculine looking desk sets, etc., which are sent to her but are obviously intended for his use.

Exchanging Wedding Presents

Some people think it discourteous if a bride changes the present chosen for her. All brides exchange some presents, and no friends should allow their feelings to be hurt, unless they are very close to the bride and have chosen the present with particular sentiment. A bride never changes the presents chosen for her by her or the groom's family—unless especially told that she may do so. But to keep twenty-two salt cellars and sixteen silver trays when she has no pepper-pots or coffee spoons or platters or vegetable dishes, would be putting "sentiment" above "sense."

The Trousseau

A trousseau, according to the derivation of the word, was "a little trusse or bundle" that the bride carried with her to the house of her husband. In modern times, the "little bundle" often requires the services of a van to transport.

The wrappers and underclothes of a young girl are usually very simple, but when she is to be a bride, her mother buys her, as lavishly as she can, and of the prettiest possible assortment of lace trimmed lingerie, tea gowns, bed sacques and caps, whatever may be thought especially becoming. The various undress garments which are to be worn in her room or at the breakfast table, and for the sole admiration of her husband, are of far greater importance than the dresses and hats to be worn in public.

In Europe it is the custom to begin collecting linen for a girl's trousseau as soon as she is born, but the American bride cares nothing for dozens upon dozens of stout linen articles. She much prefers gossamer texture lavishly embellished with equally perishable lace. Everything must be bought for beauty; utility is not considered at all. No stout hand-woven underwear trimmed with solidly stitched needlework! Modern Miss Millions demands handkerchief linen and Valenciennes lace of a quality that used to be put as trimming on a ball gown, and Miss Smallpurse asks for chiffon and less expensive but even more sheer and perishable laces. Not long ago a stocking was thought fine if it could be run through a wedding ring; to-day no stocking is considered "fit to put on" for town or evening wear unless several together can slip through the measure once the test for one.

The Most Extravagant Trousseau

The most lavish trousseau imaginable for the daughter of the very rich might be supposed to comprise:

House Linen

One to six dozen finest quality embroidered or otherwise "trimmed" linen sheets with large embroidered monogram.

One to six dozen finest quality linen sheets, plain hemstitched, large monogram.

One to six dozen finest quality linen under-sheets, narrow hem and small monogram.

Two pillow cases and also one "little" pillow case (for small down pillow) to match each upper sheet.

One to two dozen blanket covers (these are of thin washable silk in white or in colors to match the rooms) edged with narrow lace and breadths put together with lace insertion.

Six to twelve blankets.

Three to twelve wool or down-filled quilts.

Two to ten dozen finest quality, extra large, face towels, with Venetian needlework or heavy hand-made lace insertion (or else embroidered at each end), and embroidered monogram.

Five to ten dozen finest quality hemstitched and monogrammed but otherwise plain, towels.

Five to ten dozen little hand towels to match the large ones.

One to two dozen very large bath towels, with embroidered monogram, either white or in color to match the border of towels.

Two to four dozen smaller towels to match.

One tablecloth, six or eight yards long, of finest but untrimmed damask with embroidered monogram on each side, or four corners. Three dozen dinner napkins to match. (Lace inserted and richly embroidered tablecloths of formal dinner size are not in the best taste.)

One tablecloth five to six yards long with two dozen dinner napkins to match.

One to four dozen damask tablecloths two and a half to three yards long, and one dozen dinner napkins to match each tablecloth. All tablecloths and napkins to have embroidered monogram or initials.

Two to six medium sized cut-work, mosaic or Italian lace-work tablecloths, with lunch napkins to match.

Two to six centerpieces, with doilies and lunch napkins to match.

Four to a dozen tea cloths, of filet lace or drawn work or Russian embroidery, with tiny napkins to match. Table pieces and tea-cloths have monograms if there is any plain linen where a monogram can be embroidered, otherwise monograms or initials are put on the napkins only.

One or two dozen damask tablecloths, plain, with monogram, and a dozen napkins to match each.

In addition to the above, there are two to four dozen servants' sheets and pillow cases (cotton); six to twelve woolen blankets, six to twelve wool filled quilts, four to six dozen towels, and one or two dozen bath towels; six to twelve white damask (cotton or linen and cotton mixed) tablecloths and six to twelve dozen napkins, all marked with machine embroidery.

Two to six dozen kitchen and pantry towels and dishcloths complete the list.

Personal Trousseau

How many dresses can a bride wear? It all depends—is she to be in a big city for the winter season, or at a watering place for the summer? Is she going to travel, or live quietly in the country? It is foolish to get more "outside" clothes than she has immediate use for; fashions change too radically. The most extravagant list for a bride who is to "go out" continually in New York or Newport, would perhaps include a dozen evening dresses, two or three evening wraps, of varying weights. For town there would be from two to four street costumes, a fur coat, another long coat, a dozen hats and from four to ten house dresses. In this day of week-ends in the country, no trousseau, no matter how town-bred the bride, is complete without one or two "country" coats, of fur, leather or woolen materials; several homespun, tweed or tricot suits or dresses; skirts with shirt-waists and sweaters in endless variety; low or flat heeled shoes; woolen or woolen and silk mixture stockings; and sport hats.

If the season is to be spent "out of town"—even in Newport or Palm Beach—the most extravagant bride will find little use for any but country clothes, a very few frocks for Sunday, and possibly a lot of evening dresses. Of