The Galaxy, and the Ground Within by Becky Chambers (read along books txt) 📗

As she looked into Ouloo’s face, she knew they were nothing alike. They had different bodies, different blood. Their respective ideas of what a ‘mother’ was could not be more disparate. For Ouloo, the concept seemed a core part of her identity, and why would it not be? It wasn’t an embryo that she’d given birth to, but an entire being that had swum within her, no shell keeping them separate. That same being had clung to her for years, living mostly in a pocket on her belly, a constant communion of one body against another. That level of attachment was unsettling to Pei, just as she found the whole concept of live birth horrifying. But the differences between herself and Ouloo were not limited to that of physicality. In traditional Aeluon culture, a mother was not a parent. Parents were men and shon. Parents went to school for it. Parents were the people who actually raised children, not those who had done the easy business of creating them. The gendered expectations of parenting were dissolving, but even though women could be found working in creches now, there was still an enormous difference between the person who produced an egg and the person who took care of the little being that crawled out of it. Parenting was a profession, and it was not Pei’s. She could not imagine living like Ouloo, performing two distinct jobs at once, splitting herself for decades until Tupo reached adulthood. The whole idea was overwhelming.

But in the absence of everyone else she wished she could talk to right then, Pei found herself oddly comforted by the company of Ouloo – someone who had, in extreme essence, been in a situation like this before.

‘How are you feeling?’ Ouloo asked. ‘Are you hungry? Do you need some proper exercise? I can keep everyone out of the garden for a while if you need to run around.’

Pei was mildly surprised that Ouloo knew any of the ancillary symptoms of shimmer, but with everything else she’d learned about her, such attention to detail made sense. ‘No, I’m fine,’ Pei said. She paused. ‘Please don’t, um—’

‘I won’t mention this to anyone,’ Ouloo said. ‘I know I’m chatty, but this is personal. I understand.’ Her neck bobbed thoughtfully. ‘Oh! But – oh, I can help! Here, come on.’ She dropped the paint tube and hurried down the path toward the office. Pei followed.

Tupo was in the office when they entered, standing on xyr back legs and placing snack packs onto the shelves, one bag at a time, not even remotely in a rush.

‘Tupo, I need you out,’ Ouloo said as she trotted in.

Tupo swung xyr neck around, confused. ‘You said to restock the—’

‘I know what I said, but you need to go outside.’

Tupo looked at Pei, dumbfounded, then swung back to xyr mother. ‘Is … everything okay?’

‘Everything is fine,’ Ouloo said, ‘but we need grown-ups only. Shoo.’

Relative as both parenting and childhood were, the look on Tupo’s face of what the hell is wrong with my mom was universal. Tupo dropped xyr snack packs back into the crate and muttered vehemently as xe trotted off. ‘If I’m playing outside, I’m supposed to do my chores. If I’m doing my chores, I’m supposed to go outside. It’s ridiculous.’ This general vein of complaint continued until the kid was out and the door slid shut.

Ouloo ignored her child’s negative feedback, and instead began to dig through a storage cabinet behind her desk. ‘There was … hmm, where is it … there was this Aeluon man who … no, not here …’ She shut one drawer and opened another. ‘I want to say he stopped with us two or three standards ago, on his way home from vacation. He … no, that’s not it … wait … aha!’ Her paw came up from the drawer, triumphantly holding an info chip. She walked over to Pei on her back two legs and handed it to her. ‘He was a creche father from Ethiris and gave me this just in case any interested parties came through. It’s details about the creche he works at. Or at least, he worked there then.’ Ouloo bobbed with satisfaction. ‘This is why you never throw anything out.’

Pei took the chip. ‘Where’s Ethiris?’ she asked.

‘Oh, very close. Tunnel number four connects there directly,’ Ouloo said. ‘It’s just one hop and a tenday away.’

Pei flashed approving blue, for that was a good answer. Her window of opportunity would still be wide at that point, and she could stop pursuing the undesirable avenue of one of Ouloo’s neighbours. She could do this at a proper creche, with proper fathers, the way she’d always wanted to.

But while one hop and a tenday was good news for the biological countdown she’d been thrust under, there was a problem. She did some math. One hop and a tenday, plus five or six tendays at this creche, then a tenday back to Gora, and one and a half more back to the Mav Bre. That would encompass the entirety of her leave, and then some.

She wouldn’t be able to meet Ashby.

Pei scolded herself for thinking that way. She was shimmering, for fuck’s sake. Everything in life paused for that. Holidays were cancelled, jobs were frozen, soldiers got sent to safer space. That was just how things worked. Ashby knew that. They’d discussed it, many times. She knew he would understand. There would be other chances, other shore leaves. It was fine to be disappointed, but this was how it had to be.

She told herself these obvious things. She took a breath, waiting for their indisputable reason to chase the tightness in her chest away.

They did not.

Ouloo’s face rose up, startling Pei out of her reverie. ‘I’m sure this whole thing must be a surprise,’ Ouloo said. ‘But don’t worry. From everything I’ve heard, it sounds like a wonderful experience.’

Pei forced herself to smile blue. ‘That’s what they say. And, thank