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speech,
O let his neighbour make a rent
And put one in his breech.

O Lowther how much better thou
Hadst figurā€™d tā€™ other day
When to the folks thou madā€™st a bow
And hadst no more to say.

If lucky Gadfly had but taā€™en
His seatā ā€Šā ā€¦
And put thee to a little pain
To save thee from a worse.

Better than Southey it had been,
Better than Mr. Dā āøŗā 
Better than Wordsworth, too, I ween,
Better than Mr. Vā āøŗ.

Forgive me, pray, good people all,
For deviating soā ā€”
In spirit sure I had a callā ā€”
And now I on will go.

Has any here a daughter fair
Too fond of reading novels,
Too apt to fall in love with care
And charming Mister Lovels,

O put a Gadfly to that thing
She keeps so white and pertā ā€”
I mean the finger for the ring,
And it will breed a wort.

Has any here a pious spouse
Who seven times a day
Scolds as King David prayā€™d, to chouse
And have her holy wayā ā€”

O let a Gadflyā€™s little sting
Persuade her sacred tongue
That noises are a common thing,
But that her bell has rung.

And as this is the summum bo-
num of all conquering,
I leave ā€œwithouten wordes moā€
The Gadflyā€™s little sting.

To Thomas Keats

Belantree (for Ballantree) July 10 1818.

Ah! ken ye what I met the day
Out oure the Mountains
A coming down by craggies gray
An mossie fountainsā ā€”
Ah goud-hairā€™d Marie yeve I pray
Ane minuteā€™s guessingā ā€”
For that I met upon the way
Is past expressing.
As I stood where a rocky brig
A torrent crosses
I spied upon a misty rig
A troup oā€™ Horsesā ā€”
And as they trotted down the glen
I sped to meet them
To see if I might know the Men
To stop and greet them.
First Willie on his sleek mare came
At canting gallop,
His long hair rustled like a flame
On board a shallop,
Then came his brother Rab and then
Young Peggyā€™s Mither
And Peggy tooā ā€”adown the glen
They went togitherā ā€”
I saw her wrappit in her hood
Frae wind and rainingā ā€”
Her cheek was flush wiā€™ timid blood
Twixt growth and waningā ā€”
She turnā€™d her dazed eyes full oft
For there her Brithers
Came riding with her Bridegroom soft
And mony ithers.
Young Tarn came up and eyed me quick
With reddened cheekā ā€”
Braw Tom was daffed like a chickā ā€”
He couldna speakā ā€”
Ah, Marie, they are all gane hame
Through blustering weather
Anā€™ every heart is full on flame
Anā€™ light as feather.
Ah! Marie, they are all gone hame
Frae happy wadding,
Whilst Iā ā€”Ah is it not a shame?
Sad tears am shedding.

On Hearing the Bag-Pipe and Seeing ā€œThe Strangerā€ Played at Inverary

Of late two dainties were before me placā€™d
Sweet, holy, pure, sacred and innocent,
From the ninth sphere to me benignly sent
That Gods might know my own particular taste:
First the soft Bag-pipe mournā€™d with zealous haste,
The Stranger next with head on bosom bent
Sighā€™d; rueful again the piteous Bag-pipe went,
Again the Stranger sighings fresh did waste.
O Bag-pipe, thou didst steal my heart awayā ā€”
O Stranger, thou my nerves from Pipe didst charmā ā€”
O Bag-pipe thou didst re-assert thy swayā ā€”
Again thou. Stranger, gavā€™st me fresh alarmā ā€”
Alas! I could not choose. Ah! my poor heart
Mum chance art thou with both obligā€™d to part.

Mrs. Cameron and Ben Nevis

After all there was one Mrs. Cameron of 50 years of age and the fattest woman in all Inverness-shire who got up this Mountain some few years agoā ā€”true she had her servantsā ā€”but then she had herself. She ought to have hired Sisyphusā ā€”ā€œUp the high hill he heaves a huge roundā ā€”Mrs. Cameron.ā€ ā€™Tis said a little conversation took place between the mountain and the Lady. After taking a glass of Whisky as she was tolerably seated at ease she thus beganā ā€”

Mrs. C.

Upon my life Sir Nevis I am piqued
That I have so far panted tuggā€™d and reekā€™d
To do an honor to your old bald pate
And now am sitting on you just to bait,
Without your paying me one compliment.
Alas, ā€™tis so with all, when our intent
Is plain, and in the eye of all Mankind
We fair ones show a preference, too blind!
You Gentle man immediately turn tailā ā€”
O let me then my hapless fate bewail!
Ungrateful Baldpate have I not disdainā€™d
The pleasant Valleysā ā€”have I not madbrainā€™d
Deserted all my Pickles and preserves
My China closet tooā ā€”with wretched Nerves
To bootā ā€”say, wretched ingrate, have I not
Left my soft cushion chair and caudle pot?
ā€™Tis true I had no cornsā ā€”no! thank the fates
My Shoemaker was always Mr. Bates.
And if not Mr. Bates why Iā€™m not old!
Still dumb ungrateful Nevisā ā€”still so cold!

Here the Lady took some more whisky and was putting even more to her lips when she dashed it to the Ground, for the Mountain began to grumbleā ā€”which continued for a few minutes before he thus beganā ā€”

Ben Nevis

What whining bit of tongue and Mouth thus dares
Disturb my slumber of a thousand years?
Even so long my sleep has been secureā ā€”
And to be so awakā€™d Iā€™ll not endure.
Oh painā ā€”for since the Eagleā€™s earliest scream
Iā€™ve had a damnā€™d confounded ugly dream,
A Nightmare sure. What! Madam, was it you?
It cannot be! My old eyes are not true!
Red-Crag, my Spectacles! Now let me see!
Good Heavens! Lady, how the gemini
Did you get here? O, I shall split my sides!
I shall earthquakeā ā€”

Mrs. C.

Sweet Nevis do not quake, for though I love
Your honest Countenance all things above,
Truly I should not like to be conveyā€™d
So far into your Bosomā ā€”gentle Maid
Loves not too rough a treatment, gentle Sirā ā€”
Pray thee be calm and do not quake nor stir
No, not a Stone, or I shall go in fitsā ā€”

Ben Nevis

I mustā ā€”I shallā ā€”I meet not such tit bitsā ā€”
I meet not such sweet creatures every dayā ā€”
By my old nightcap night and day
I must have one sweet Bussā ā€”I must and shall!
Red Crag!ā ā€”What! Madam, can you then repent
Of all the toil and vigour you have spent
To see Ben Nevis and to touch his nose?
Red Crag I say! O I must have them close!
Red Crag, there lies beneath my farthest toe
A vein of Sulphurā ā€”go, dear

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